An Attitude of Gratitude
23 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Tough Quotes Tags: gratitude, quotes, Thanksgiving
“An attitude of gratitude shows a lot about the character of a person.”
Joyce Meyer
Seems fitting for the holiday.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Parent Teacher Conferences in One Hour
22 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, Kids, parent teacher conferences, school
Here we go again.
I just love parent teacher conferences! Not.
I can do it.
First is the math teacher to discuss my daughter’s lack of algebra skills.
Then my son’s teacher. This will be fine, hopefully I will hear that he is doing better and not asking to go to the nurse every single day. He did that for quite a while, trying to wrangle his way home.
Then my middle daughter’s teacher. This will be fun. The teacher is Kid2′s BFF’s mom and a good friend of mine. And Kid2 is like a star pupil, so I don’t expect any bad news.
Then, my girls & I are going shopping.
Good day ahead.
Gotta get the nerves under control and get on with it.
Overthinkers Anonymous
21 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, panic attack
Hello. My name is Zoe and I am an over-thinker.
We had Thanksgiving dinner today at my mom’s house. I wasn’t feeling particularly anxious this morning but was thinking about the details of it way too much. I was expecting to be anxious later at the get-together. Before we left I sat on our front porch trying to breath in some cold, fresh air to soothe my nerves, and I thought about how silly it was that I was completely over-thinking the day ahead of me. I wondered why I do that. Then I thought “Hmm. I’ll have to think about that later.”
Did you get that? I needed to think about why I think about stuff so much. Ugh. My plan was to type it all out and figure out why I think about things so much. To do this after kids were in bed and hubby had left for work. Yep, I scheduled a time for myself to think about why I overthink things so much.
The thoughts racing through my mind this morning were these kinds of things:
This is our first get-together at mom’s new house. Where will we all sit? Is there room in the kitchen for an extra table? Will she set up a table in the living room? Oh my gosh – the living room is so hot! The wood burner made that room so hot when we were there last week! If I have to sit near the wood burner I’ll just die. I hate to be hot. I better not wear that long sleeved shirt, I need to wear something cooler. I’ll wear that new blouse, it’s very lightweight. I hope there will be enough table space for everyone to sit. Hubby really hates it when he has to sit on a couch or somewhere to eat when we go to these family functions. Then he’ll be grumpy. I’ll just go sit on the porch. Then he can have my seat and I can be cooler outside. I’ll just tell them I have a headache or something and the cool air feels good. Sis-in-law’s parents are coming too. I can’t remember her dad’s name. What if I call him the wrong name. Maybe he won’t remember my name either. Her mom is nice. But kinda psycho from all the stories I’ve heard. I hope she acts normal today. I hope she doesn’t pick a fight with sis-in-law. That would really make everyone uncomfortable. I’ll just go outside. Her dad is a talker. Last time he talked my ear off about some policy that Pres. Bush created and was now dying under the Obama administration. He’ll ask me questions! I hate when he asks me those political questions and puts me on the spot. I think he just likes a good debate. I don’t like it. Hopefully I won’t need to sit by him. Oh my God. I’ll end up sitting right next to him by the wood burner! ….
and so on…..
Unfortunately I ended up taking an ativan just because I planned to be anxious later! yuk.
And of course the day was fine. Very fun actually. We all fit in the kitchen – nobody sat near the wood burner. It wasn’t too hot in the house. I didn’t sit next to sis-in-laws dad and her mom was lovely today. I wore a light-weight shirt and I was comfortable. We did go out on the porch but as a group, not just me. Of course it was fine. :)
I thought I made up a new term – “Overthinkers Anonymous”. Turns out I didn’t :) Ha. Just google it and you will see. There is even a facebook page although I think it is kinda a joke page.
Here it is in the urban dictionary: Overthinker
Here is an article on LifeHack: How to stop being an overthinker
And wow. Here is abook on amazon about overthinking: Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life
(added that one to my amazon wish list!)
So no, I didn’t come up with that term. But I am a master over-thinker! I think all Anxiety / Panic attack sufferers are. We think about things WAY too much and scare ourselves to death about things that may possibly happen to us in the future. It is really ridiculous. I want to be able to let all that stuff go and just be a happy-go-lucky kind of person. That would be so great. I’ll have to think about how I can do that….
:)
Belly Button Piercing
18 Nov 2011 4 Comments
in Love my Kids! Tags: Kids, parenting
Kid1 decided to pierce her belly button by herself. Ouch.
First of all, she never even asked if she could get that done. Would I have said OK if she asked? Probably not. But she never even asked. Instead she snuck around and did it herself and hid it from us.
I found out because she showed her friends and one of their moms called me cuz her daughter told her it looked red and icky. So she told me in case it was infected. Ugh.
I told hubby. I have to say we both wanted to laugh & cry at the same time I think. I mean that’s kinda insane for her to do. And then I’m mad because she lied to us. I’m more mad about her lying and sneaking around than the hole in her belly.
Hubby handled it much better than I expected. He said I should print out an article about infected belly piercings and a gross picture. And then just lay it on her bed without saying anything. I thought that was a great idea. But I’m a more direct person I guess because before the evening was over it was all out in the open.
Later, I cried. I just felt overwhelmed. I feel like this child is a never ending project. And I’m sure she wishes that I would just leave her alone. I mean the issues lately have been – a D in science on the report card, failing math tests, diabetes blood tests, exercising which she hates, trying to get her to eat healthier and less sugar,… I guess she probably feels overwhelmed too. She fights me every step of the way. It makes me want to give up and just wait for her to get it. But no. I will not give up. Especially with these walks – I am determined to keep at it until she quits hating it! (and then keep going of course cuz then it might actually be enjoyable :)
She is not responsible at all. I think she needs to take ownership of these things – her exercise, her food, her grades, etc. She won’t. She is just not a responsible person in general. She forgets to bring things home from school. She forgets to take things to school. Her one chore is the dishwasher. That girl will not do the dishwasher until I tell her to do it EVERY DAY. And then every day she moans about having to do it.
Now I am well aware that you are not supposed to play the comparison game with your kids. BUT. My 11 year old daughter is in charge of (helping me with) laundry. Last night I was not home. 11yo still found a full hamper that needed washed and did laundry. And folded another basket that was in the living room. No one told her to do this. She just did it. Kid1 – who is 13 – did not bother to do anything with the dishes at all. This morning the sink was overflowing. I loaded up the dishwasher and ran it after they left for school. There is no reason for her not to have done it. Hubby said she got her homework done early, so she had most of the evening to do whatever. So she had time. Just not the motivation.
But I can’t seem to find what motivates her and believe me I have tried many many things!
Oh – back to me crying. I was back in my office alone and she came back. She caught me crying. And let me tell you that is the most remorseful I have ever seen her! She was apologizing and saying she wouldn’t lie to me anymore and she knew she hurt me by sneaking around etc. Seriously. It was not a plan to guilt her. I was really just crying cuz I’d had enough. But wow! I will have to remember that! I’ve never been a fan of heaping on the mom guilt…. but it may actually work on this child! lol
By the way I told her I wanted a picture. She said “Why?” I said “So you can look back at this someday and wonder what on earth you were thinking!” So shhh. Don’t tell her I put it on here :)
Kids, A Grump & Anxiety.
16 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: anxiety, Kids, school, venting
Brain Dump.
Whatever.
Hubby is not here this morning. I feel free. Sad. True. I like alone time. I really am doing the same things I do every morning so I don’t know why it is such a big thing for me. But it is. I love it.
Kid2 was in a mood this morning. She is stubborn beyond reason. I offered to drive them to school since she had to carry her saxophone today. She spouted something about how they are always late when I take them – no thank you. No, we have never once been late when I take them. My kids have always wanted to get there after the first bell rings so they don’t have to stand outside with the big swarm of kids that then make a mad dash into the building. We usually arrive just as that bell is ringing, or immediately after. She has now decided that is late. Who knew? If she wanted to get there earlier, couldn’t she just have said that?? She was just in a mood.
Kid3 was then all upset when he heard that I had offered but she threw a fit so now they were riding the bus. He hates the bus ride. By the time this all came out we were already sitting at the bus stop. Just get on the bus people! My coffee is waiting!
Kid1 has been grounded since the report card with the D came home. She has been studying a lot more and I thought doing better. It was like a kick in the gut when I checked her grades this morning online and see that she got 9.5/25 on the last math quiz. Yes. 9.5 right out of 25. WTH? I helped her study for that. I thought she knew it. The worst part is that she knew that, she had that test in her backpack and chose not to tell me. That’s bad cuz she gets to re-take the test and we could have been studying! She has to take it by tomorrow. He then averages the grades of the 2 tests. It sucks cuz even if she got 100% on the retake, she could still only get a 50%. I guess looking at it that way, what’s the point?
I need to take some steps back from all this crap with Kid1′s grades. Yea, I need to help her figure out what on earth the problem is this year. (Before this year she has always gotten A’s & B’s (maybe 1 c?) She had to work hard, but she was able to do it. This year it just feels out of control. As soon as you regroup and figure out what went wrong with one nasty grade, there is another one staring you in the face. So, yea I need to help her and I will. But I think I also need to realize that these are HER grades. And not take it so personally when she fails something. I do because I spend hours of my life almost everyday helping her / encouraging her / making her do her homework / asking her when stuff is due and trying to get her to remember to write things down and be organized. It’s exhausting.
Like I said, I need to take a step back. Even if she fails algebra, it is not the end of the world. So she repeats it next year. So that completely sucks. It still isn’t the end of the world. Right? And now next week are parent teacher conferences. Most of her teachers I just talked to via email but her math teacher would like me to come in and have a face to face chat. LOL Great.
I can’t stand her math teacher. I don’t think he teaches. This is his first year teaching algebra (He was previously a science teacher)and I really don’t think he has much of a plan. He said at the beginning of the year that there would never be homework. If they cover something in class and they feel like they need more practice, they should complete some problems from the book, the answers to the odd numbers are in the back of the book. And if they still don’t understand it, they should google it. Honest. That is what he told them. Seems like he is taking the easy way out to me. If they still don’t understand it, wouldn’t you want your students to ask you questions? It’s math for heaven sakes…homework is necessary. And tell a class of 8th grade students that there is never any homework unless they CHOOSE to do it? Yea, right. All that means is that parents like me who DO care if their kid understands it become the math teachers/homework enforcers. Ugh.
So this conference should be interesting for sure. :D
I have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow. I hate going to these appointments. They have all those machines in dark rooms. It makes me feel trapped. You know – the one that blows air in your eyeball. And the one that takes a pic inside your eye. And then you sit in that chair with that contraption in front of you while he says #1 or #2? repeatedly until you find the right prescription. I hate it. But I need to go. So I will go. Yes, I will.
And hubby has been sleep deprived this week so he has been grumpy. It is his own fault he is sleep deprived – that’s why it pisses me off. And he will never never never admit that is why he is grumpy.
Yesterday Jill posted about having an anxiety filled day. It’s like she was here with me! (Hi Jill!) I was jumping out of my skin yesterday. I really really really wanted to take an ativan. But I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t but it was very hard! I did deep breathing. I lit my candle. I took breaks from working on the computer and tried to distract myself. I did finally feel better and relax some after Kid1 and I took a walk when she got home from school. She’s back to hating me for making her walk by the way. Yay. But the exercise did help my nerves. I should have gone for a walk sooner.
Guess I just needed to vent this morning.
Happy Happy Day. I need to be done with this complaining crap and get on with it. I have work deadlines looming over me and I need to focus!
Co-Leaders
14 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in Marriage Tags: communication, marriage, marriage improvement
My mom and step-dad stopped over the other day. They rarely do. They brought kid3 a birthday present and hung out a while. My step-dad is weird. Ha. He just is. I am sorry to say it but he just isn’t very intelligent. It drives me nuts to talk to him for very long. AND he talks over my mother all the time. She’ll be talking and telling a story and he just starts talking too. Telling his own version of the story. The thing is – my mom doesn’t stop talking so it gets uncomfortable quick because they are both talking to you, both looking at you and you don’t know who you should be looking at and listening to. Usually I try to focus on my mom since she was talking first and he is the one that interrupts. Anyway, not the point of this post really.
Later that night hubby and I were talking about how my mom is clearly in charge in their relationship. I said well she has to be cuz he is an idiot. My mom & dad divorced when I was in high school. My dad was very over-bearing and definitely in charge. I think she just went to the other extreme when she was looking for a new man. Step-dad is a nice guy. Just a little weird and annoying. I often wonder though if she regrets marrying him. Again, not the point of this post.
You know how in some relationships it is very clear who is the “leader”? Well of course we all want to be the one in charge, but that doesn’t work.
In our family, hubby is clearly the leader. He is a strong, independent, fearless guy. Sometimes that is great. Sometimes it is horrible.
I do believe the man should be the head of the household as the bible teaches. I would have agreed with this completely a few years ago. I’m over it now. God did not say I have to be a doormat. I also believe though that that only works and turns into a healthy relationship when the guy holds up his end of the bargain to respect his wife and love her as Christ loved the church.
Hubby is such a take charge kind of guy that if I don’t fight to be heard – I get lost.
Back to our conversation…. He was basically making fun of my step-dad for being hen-pecked. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went but at one point he said “I am the leader of this home.” I gave him a look. He said “Well, of some things.” He did go on to say that only applied to some things, not all things in our marriage/home/life. He saved himself there let me tell you :)
I didn’t comment right away. (Still trying hard to think before I blurt out my first gut reaction to things!)
I said “Yes, but I would love it if we were co-leaders and worked together more.”
He said “Co-leaders?”
I said “Co-leaders.”
And then he said something about having enough stuff to think about for the day, we needed to take a break. lol That cracked me up. This was at the end of quite a long conversation so it was probably good to end it there before we got into an argument about who should be in charge of what.
Not that it matters whether he decides to agree with me about being co-leaders or not…. I am not giving over all the leadership of our family to him. Been there, done that. It sucked for all of us. Sorry, but yea – he needs me to stand up to him and keep his ego in check. My younger sister would be appalled right now. My older sister would be cheering. Ha.
Help with Algebra
14 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: algebra, Kids, school
Just in case anyone is interested. I found this program online to help my daughter with math.
It’s called Algebra Upgrade. It is upbeat and fun and has music that she sometimes thinks is corny, but the songs stick in your head and you find yourself singing along :)
http://www.learningupgrade.com/html/auhome.htm
So far we have just signed up for the free 7 day trial but I am completely impressed!
She went through 4 lessons last night without too much protesting. And one lesson she kept repeating to get a better score even though it did let her continue on. She wanted to get 100% in it and kept re-doing it. What they are doing in class right now corresponds with lesson 33 in this program but truly – she has learned things in lesson 3 that she should have already known. So yes, she is behind and I’m not sure how it will work to help her immediately, but it will definitely help in the long run. After the trial period it is $50 for 6 months access. Seems well worth it! Let’s hope it helps!
They have a reading comprehension program also – that has always been a struggle for her. Perhaps that will be a summer activity for her….. She’ll be thrilled. lol
Happy Blogiversary to Me!
14 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: happiness, Thank You Lord, therapy, venting
I missed my blogiversary! I realize it may sound stupid, but I am totally impressed with myself! lol
The fact that I stuck with this blog for an entire year is amazing! I am full of ideas and I usually start off full speed ahead with new projects, but run out of steam and get bored quickly. So this is big.
November 5th was one year since I started this. I decided to create a post index on this blog. Thank you very much WordPress, it was a complete pain in the rear. Seems like there should have been an easier way! But it’s done. I called it Archives and put it in the menu at the top of the page. I wanted a clearer picture of my journey.
This blog has changed my life. The people I have met through this blog have changed my life.
I have gained confidence and perspective that I would not have had otherwise. I have found a great support system that means more to me than any of you will ever know. I have found encouragement when I needed it and some company when all I could blog about was my misery.
This is my special place.
I am a better person because of this blog. I am stronger and more confident. I may not know where I am going yet, but I know where I don’t want to be. I’ve changed the direction of my life. And this blog has been a key factor in the positive changes in my life.
THANK YOU LORD for my anonymous blog and my cyber friends.
A Cedar Chest
14 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Marriage Tags: Five Love Languages, happiness, marriage, marriage improvement
I have wanted a cedar chest for a very long time. Like forever. My mom always had one at the foot of her bed and I remember the wonderful cedar smell when we would open it to get out the winter blankets. It brings back good memories.
It has been no secret that I wanted one for a long time. I price them occasionally and talk about them when I see one in a sale flyer or something. There is a antique store near us that sometimes has them. Well maybe it’s just a junk store. Whatever you want to call it. It has used treasures. We purchased a dresser there for hubby a few years ago. It is beautiful – real wood, dove tail construction, deep drawers, with a beautiful finish. It’s hard to find decent furniture now-a-days unless you pay a fortune for it and that is not in our budget. So I love this store. (And I like to refinish furniture so it’s also a fun hobby :)
We also just bought my son a wardrobe there. We replaced his dresser with a wardrobe. No hanging rod, just shelves and 2 drawers at the bottom. My hope is that he can manage it better and keep it neater than he did his dresser. I thought the shelves would be work better for him. And of course it has doors that close to hide the shelves anyway. It’s working pretty well. Now I want to get Kid1 a wardrobe too – her dresser is always a terrible mess!
Way off the point…..
Hubby bought me a cedar chest!! It was a complete surprise. We saw it when we got the wardrobe for my son. Of course I looked at it but didn’t say much. Kid1 and I went somewhere and while we were gone hubby and the 2 other kids went and picked it up. They brought it up to the bedroom and just waited for me to see it.
I was so surprised. Seriously, like I was confused. I cried. Yep, I actually cried over a cedar chest :) Really I cried because my hubby has not done something like that in a REALLY long time. REALLY long. It is beautiful. But the fact that he cared enough and made an effort like that is even more beautiful.
One of my prized possessions is my bath robe. It is white with pink & red roses on it. Shortly after hubby & I got married he bought it for me. It was a surprise too. We were sitting on the couch, watching TV and I was looking through the mail. I saw the robe in a catalog and commented about how nice it was. That was it. We were living in a trailer at that time and being as frugal as could be, trying to save money to build our house. It came in the mail shortly after that. I still have it and use it and love it.
My main love language is Words of Affection. My second love language is Receiving Gifts. So this was very awesome to me.
Hubby doesn’t do stuff like that. He just doesn’t. (Well, maybe once every 15 years ;)
That’s why it is so special.
I want this to be real.
12 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in Marriage Tags: happiness, happy hubby, husband, marriage improvement
So hubby is happier now. We are happier now. We are not perfect, I doubt we will ever get close to that.
I am impressed that he has stayed true to his attitude adjustment this long. Mostly.
We have been mad at each other a few times. He has irritated me quite a few times. I have driven him to the garage a few times.
:)
It is still a huge improvement from a year ago.
Right after he decided to be nice, he was very loving. He was very attentive. Of course I knew that wouldn’t last.
He is not being mean or harsh or ridiculous anymore – no he has not turned back into the jerk and I am thankful for that. I did notice this week though that he has definitley toned down the mushiness though. And yea, that’s ok. It is to be expected in a relationship.
As long as it isn’t a sign that things are starting to go backwards with us.
I. will. not. go. back.
So we’re still doing ok. Pretty ok. He has been wonderful and amazing at times in the past few weeks too..
I am afraid. I want this to be real. I want this to be the real us. I want this to be forever. I could live with this man (as he is now) forever and be happy. Please pray that the jerk is gone for good. I do see glimpses of him now & then. They scare me. I don’t want the rug pulled out from under me again. I like where we are headed and I want to trust that we are in this together.
Time will tell. I guess all I can do is wait & see.
Recent Comments