Peace & Quiet
16 May 2012 1 Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: gratitude, happiness, relax, school, Thank You Lord
Today is one of those rare days that happens once every month or so. Hubby is at an auction, kids are all at school and I have the house to myself.
Ahhhh. Peace & Quiet :)
I had an appointment scheduled with the guidance counselor to discuss Kid1′s classes for next year. Apparently this is something you do before 9th grade. The appointment was at 10am. I even took my ativan already so I’d be prepared.
Guess what?! I just called and changed it. And not because I’m all anxious about it either! I am a little anxious (teacher conference panic attack flashback!) – but that is not why. I was sitting on the porch, sipping my one cup of coffee for the day, enjoying the sunshine and decided I was going to take a time out for me! Yep, just for me.
SO I called the school and rescheduled it for tomorrow afternoon. It’s very strange how very much this makes me smile! lol
I do have a few must-do’s on my work schedule – so I plan to go get those done as quickly as possible, then have a nice long shower, and then maybe even sit on the porch and read a book on my new kindle. Sounds like an awesome plan to me.
Image Source: http://tracys-trinkets-treasures.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html
I Like GCB
15 May 2012 Leave a Comment
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Confession: I am a Christian that likes GCB. Get over it.
Kristen Chenoweth said it best “There’s a difference between making fun of something and having fun with something …and we do the latter.”
I’m bummed it was cancelled. :(
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Another confession: I have eaten 3 snowballs in 2 days.
They were a gift from grandma to the grand-kids but for some bizarre reason, kids have all decided they are gross. That means I get to eat them all. :)
The BEST Kind of Weekend
07 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness, Love my Kids! Tags: happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
Lots of Happy Kids 4-Wheelin’
K’Nex Everywhere!
See the beach chairs and umbrella? My kids love the beach as much as I do!
K’Nex garages for their very cool cars!
My latest craft idea – a decoupaged table for the porch. We’ll see :)
THANK YOU LORD
Nerve Tonic
16 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Health & Happiness Tags: anxiety, ativan, wellbutrin
I bought this at Walmart. It’s been in my desk drawer for quite a while.
Wellbutrin makes me shake. I have trouble even cutting a straight line. My daughter asked me to paint her nails. That did not work! It has really been bugging me and becoming a real problem.
Usually an ativan helps but I don’t want to take any more of those than necessary so I tried this.
I am amazed. It may be too good to be true.
It takes away my Wellbutrin shakes!
I have not noticed any side effects. It says it is non-habit forming. Seems to good to be true. The box says ” Temporarily relieves the symptoms of simple nervous tension and stress.” I don’t think my nervous tension is simple by any means! lol I have no idea if it would actually help with my anxiety but I am going to keep trying it because I am amazed at how it made my shaking stop! Yay!
———-
When I first tried it I made some notes on my daily log just to keep track of it.
3/25 nerve tonic pill – took about 2:55 pm- now its 4:05 pm and I am definitely calmer and the shaking has slowed down! Cool!
3/27 – nerve tonic at 11:53 am – visibly shaking – gonna check in an hour and see if my hand is still!
– definitely helped but didn’t completely stop, don’t feel as jittery though!
– Took a 2nd nerve tonic at 4:04 pm – we’ll see!
– no kidding! 7:33 pm- I can hold my hand still !
Listen
16 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: Inspiration
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all ’cause you won’t
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on mind
You should have known
You should have listened, there is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago
Oh, I’m screaming out and my dreams’ll be heard
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
I may be a little late to the party, but I finally watched Dreamgirls this weekend. Wow. I really get drawn into movies when I watch them. I always have. And I love musicals. Put those things together and I am hooked! I watched it twice this weekend. I now know what all the fuss was about. Jennifer Hudson was amazing.
And then near the end of the movie Beyonce sang “Listen”. It was SO powerful. The scene from the movie was even better than the video I found on youtube. Anyone else see Dreamgirls? Love it?
I can totally relate!
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can’t complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It’s only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all ’cause you won’t
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own
You should have listened, there is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago
Oh, I’m screaming out and my dreams’ll be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your own all ’cause you won’t
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own
I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on
If you don’t, if you won’t
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete
Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own, my own
Words of Wisdom
02 Apr 2012 1 Comment
in Health & Happiness, Tough Quotes Tags: quotes
Taking a quick lunch break. Pinterest is now my friend. It is also the greatest time waster ever. I love it anyway.
Words of Wisdom from Pinterest:
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I LOVE this one. Check out the artist’s gallery here: http://leonidafremov.deviantart.com/gallery/
Amazing.
There is more to Life
26 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: happiness
There is so much more to life than I am living.
I like my home. I like living in my small rural town. I like living in the country. I’ve been to New York City 3 times in my life. I like it. It’s exciting! But I would never want to live there.
I’ve been on a plane a few times. 4 times.
The only other country I’ve ever been to is Canada. I’ve been there twice. Once with the Girl Scouts when I was in high school. Once during the 4th year of my marriage. (Kid1 was conceived there actually! lol)
My sister-in-law just went on a cruise to the Bahamas.
My dad regularly travels to the Caymen Islands and St. Thomas.
My sister flies back & forth to Florida twice every year, once when my Dad goes down for the winter and once when he is ready to come home for the summer. And they have been to Disney World on these trips quite a few times.
My brother and his wife bought an RV and traveled across the US last summer. They have amazing pictures of their adventure.
I was born in Montana so I guess I have been out west – until I was 3 but that doesn’t count because I don’t remember it.
I recently reconnected with an old friend from high school on facebook. He travels quite a bit. Mostly in the US, but still very cool. He’s the reason I started thinking about this. It’s been fun catching up and seeing what he’s been up to. He’s got great pics from all his travels. He has pictures of himself with quite a few famous people too. He is a huge Amy Grant fan. He has met her several times. He has been involved in so many things and has such a great world view. He just signed up for yet another Amy Grant excursion – An Amy Grant Tennessee Weekend.
I am an Amy Grant fan too but certainly not to the level he is. The thing that struck me about all of this?
It would never even occur to me to do something like that.
It’s not so expensive that it would be impossible – the cost ranges from $500 – $800 depending on how many people you share a hotel room with. If I was going to choose an exciting place to go, this wouldn’t be it but the point is that he is out there – living his life with energy & enthusiasm.
Why aren’t I? Well… kids, hubby, responsibilities, money…. They are real reasons to be sure but I’m sure I can do better.
I don’t need to be a jet-setter and visit a new amazing place every month. But I DO need to get out there more. I have no idea how to make that happen. Life is tiring and busy and expensive. BUT I can start small right? Last year I started a list of things I want to do with my kids. None of them are terribly exciting but I realized that this time with my kids is going to pass quickly. Most of the things are local and do not cost much. It is still more exciting than staying home another Saturday to clean the house and play baseball.
I want to get out there and DO STUFF.
Now I am laughing at myself. How do I expect to get out there and do stuff when it stresses me out to even have to attend my child’s musical and sit in the bleachers? How do I expect to do all these exciting new things when I stress out about stupid things like having to go somewhere in the car unexpectedly?
I don’t know. I guess I’ll start with a plan. Maybe I will plan to be spontaneous. Ha. I’ll try to be as prepared as I can be. I’ll try to change my attitude and be more outgoing and try not to be such a homebody. Wish me luck.
My Mom
23 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: Family, mom
Let’s talk about my mom shall we?
She called yesterday morning as I was typing that last blog post and replying to hubby’s texts about needing a phone number for someone.
I saw her on the caller ID and chose not to answer it. She left a message. She wants to know if I will host Easter dinner.
The thing is… it irritates me that the only time I see her is on holidays. This year was different because she moved and needed our help. So we actually saw her when she moved in early November, at Thanksgiving dinner at her house, another time at her new house because she wanted us to haul away an old refrigerator, and then at Christmas dinner at my brother’s house. I haven’t seen her since then. She did call on my birthday this year. That was nice – and unusual, she normally just sends me a card.
She lives about 20 minutes from me. She is about 15 minutes from the school. She never even attempts to get together, or attend any of the kid’s events. She is just a mom that I see on holidays.
Why don’t I try harder with her? Been there, done that. It is emotionally draining. She really just doesn’t want bothered.
For Christmas and 4th of July we travel to see relatives about 3 hours away. At the 4th of July picnic one year my cousin said “So what has your mom been up to?” I said “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since we were here at Christmas.” Picture shocked faces from everyone in hearing distance. I didn’t say it rudely, I wasn’t upset. It was just a fact that seemed so crazy to everyone else. It didn’t to me. To me it was normal.
So why didn’t I answer the phone? Well, I couldn’t deal with it yesterday I guess. I was very surprised to see her number on the caller ID. Usually after I talk to her I get upset. Sad mainly I guess. I just didn’t want to deal with it.
And Easter dinner? I hate hosting family gathering at times like this when my marriage is in the crapper. Hubby and I will certainly have arguments about it, he will be a grump about the whole thing, I will pray that he is at least nice to people when they are here. I will put on my fake happy smile and hope for the best. Ugh. Today is not a good day for me to think about that. I will call her back next week.
Panic Attacks & Marriage Problems
13 Mar 2012 4 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: anxiety, panic attacks, relationships, self-help
It’s all connected.
Know when my panic attacks started? When my marriage took a nosedive.
I have been fighting back and doing better. I’ve made awesome progress.
My marriage improved also this past year.
Now my husband is driving me nuts again and I feel so jittery today – like I’m going to jump out of my skin.
Am I saying he causes my panic attacks?
No. Although it’d be great to be able to blame him, I can’t. Our marriage problems definitely contributed to my anxiety though, I guarantee that!
I believe the way I deal with my marriage problems is what puts me over the edge. Apparently I had reached my limit 5 years ago when this all started.
I am a relationship person. My life is about people, relationships. Husband, kids, sisters, friends, etc. I know for many people their life focus is their job, or money, or a religious mission, or the white picket fence. My focus is and always was – people.
I care way too much what other people think of me. I always have. I take it to heart when someone is mad at me, or someone just doesn’t like me, or if someone is moody. The problem with that is that I married the moodiest man on the planet.
My self-worth depends on the status of my relationships. That is a wow kind of sentence. It is something that I know is ridiculous. And I don’t actually think that. But if I am being honest – I really do live my life that way! Even though I try really hard NOT to do that.
I have to work on that.
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