We Ditched the Musical
10 May 2012 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, ativan, Kids, musical, panic attacks, school
Yep! Any of you that have known me for very long know that I am relieved!
(See: Last years musical)
Baseball. Did I tell you how much I love baseball??
Kid3 had a game last night at 7:00. It’s a 40 minute drive to the field.
The musical was at 6:30. Nope that wouldn’t work. :D
We let them choose which they wanted to do. And yes I even offered to take Kid2 to the musical first and then we could go to the game late. She was thrilled to get out of it. It’s not cool anymore you know when you are 12. Apparently it is “lame”.
Oh. my. gosh. What a tough day though! It rained on and off all day. So we kept thinking that they would cancel the game. If they cancelled the game, we’d go to the musical instead. See what I mean?
It’s bad enough to dread it and anticipate it and try to prepare myself for those blasted bleachers – but then it was just an anxiety roller coaster all day for me!
Is it raining?
Is the game cancelled?
Oh, the sun is out!
Is it supposed to rain tonight?
Should I take an ativan?
Raining again.
Who is that text from?
Did they cancel the game?
Aaagghhhh
Ha. Actually I kept that to myself – it was just in my head. I got a lot of work done yesterday – willing myself to stay focused to avoid the drama in my head.
We went to the game, it rained on the boys but they played through it. Apparently there was a power outage in town last night and the lights went out at the school. The musical continued with the emergency lights on in the gym. They sang a cappella. I don’t know if they still had the art show and book fair afterwards, not sure how they would unless they have great emergency lights in the grade school hallways. I’m hoping they reschedule that actually. I enjoy that.
I went all day without an ativan. I had planned to take it around 5:00 – then I would be prepared for however the night turned out. I got busy and forgot. Right as we were leaving for the game I remembered I never took one. I don’t usually need one for games anymore. BUT of course there was road construction and a very long wait. And a very long narrow roadway we had to maneuver through after we did finally get to go….
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And I had a panic attack right there in the driver’s seat.
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Not good. I felt dizzy. Passing out scares me and I felt like I was going to. You aren’t allowed to pass out when you are driving down the road with your kids in the car with you though now are you!?!? So I fought through it. I rolled down the windows, I fidgeted all around, I blasted the air conditioning in my face even though the kids were already cold from me opening the windows. (I told them I hated the smell of the blacktop and this would help. ) LOL I started talking fast like a crazy person – about all the construction workers and what they were doing. See how big that roller is, doesn’t that blacktop smell terrible, see that dude sitting there eating his lunch, oh they’re going to paint lines soon, and blah blah blah.
I got through it. I couldn’t go fast through the maze of traffic cones. And there was no way out and it sucked. But I got through it. And then I felt like jello. Panic attacks are exhausting!
The day was stressful cuz of not knowing what to expect. The anticipation of the unknown. And this is also my PMS time – so my anxiety levels are sky high anyway. And ever since that last panic attack I have been on high alert I guess. Add it all up and a panic attack was bound to get me.
I did take an ativan once we got to the ball field. I knew we’d be in that same construction on the way home and I really didn’t want to go through all that again. I’ll try it again another day. The ride home was uneventful. Yay.
NOW…. today is track & field for Kid2 and Kid3. Last year it rained so they moved it inside to the gym. I took an ativan and went twice that day. It’s not raining now but it looks like it might at any second. I’m guessing they will move it inside again but I really hope not! Aside from the fact that I hate sitting there in those bleachers, track & field is really a lot more fun outside! Outside they run & jump the hurdles, they hit baseballs, they throw balls at bowling pins, the do the shot put, they jump over that stick and land on the big mat (what is that called?!?), they have relay races. It is a LOT more fun. Last year all they did was play dodgeball for 40 minutes. Yes, we sat there and watched them pummel balls at each other for 40 minutes. Great job gym teachers. They couldn’t think of anyway to do actual track & field type activities in the gym? I thought it was stupid. Can you tell?
This morning I asked my kids if they’d mind if I didn’t come if it was in the gym again. They both said they didn’t care. I’m not sure my mommy guilt will let me stay home though, we’ll see.
Pray for sunshine :)
Full Weekend: Party, Outlets, and Ativan
08 May 2012 1 Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
We went to my Mamaw’s 90th birthday party 2 weekends ago. It was just my girls and I. Hubby and Kid3 stayed home – it was the season opener for baseball. And it was an 8:00 pm game so that didn’t work at all. I think they should have come to see my grandmother instead but I knew that was not a battle I would win, so I let it go.
As for my anxiety…..the party went well. Very well. If you’ll recall, I was stressing about it a while ago. I did take ativan. But the whole thing was very laid back and casual so that really helped.
When we first arrived at the church social hall, this lady came running up to me and hugged me. I had no idea who she was! lol She didn’t seem to notice that at all though and introduced herself to my kids and told them she was my old Brownie leader. Very cool! We moved away from there right after I finished 4th grade. It has been a long time. She was so very sweet. I must admit though that I still don’t remember her at all! I remember going to the girl scout meetings. I remember some of the activities we did and places we went, but I don’t remember my leaders really at all. :( I remember a great cake decorating contest – with the dads! lol
Usually when we visit the relatives, we drive 3 hours, hang out a while, eat too much, then drive 3 hours home. I decided to make it more fun. And YES, I was needing a time out in my life. So we stayed overnight at a hotel and went to the outlets the next day.
By the time we got to the hotel that night I felt so __________, it was amazing. I don’t know what word to put there. I felt alive! It was great to break out of the usual routine. It was great to get out and about and just relax and have fun. It was great to see my wonderful family. It was great to just do whatever we felt like doing!
The outlets were fun. Girl bonding time and lots of shopping. They had not been to the outlets before so they were thrilled. Kid2 kept asking “What are the outlets again?” ha She is my shopper so this was a dream come true for her.
We never do stuff like this so it was a real treat! And we spent less than $100. :) They found a great clearance rack at Claires and spent most of their money on earrings. We mainly just had fun browsing the stores and seeing new sights.
I took ativan before heading to the outlets too. I was nervous, but excited. Once upon a time I couldn’t even go into a store to buy a gallon of milk. Truly, there were a few months like that. It’s good for me to remember that – and to remember how far I’ve come. I had no problems with anxiety or panic attacks at all at the outlets. THANK YOU LORD.
The trip was a success in the panic attack prevention plan. Ha! It was a great confidence builder and I really needed that. There are tons of school events coming up and I know they won’t be easy – but hopefully this will help.
The BEST Kind of Weekend
07 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness, Love my Kids! Tags: happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
Lots of Happy Kids 4-Wheelin’
K’Nex Everywhere!
See the beach chairs and umbrella? My kids love the beach as much as I do!
K’Nex garages for their very cool cars!
My latest craft idea – a decoupaged table for the porch. We’ll see :)
THANK YOU LORD
What Did You Just Text?
24 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: Kids, teenagers
My daughter just bought a new cell phone. We use tracfones. We started the process to transfer her number to the new phone, figured out it was defective, and then stopped that. I was checking out the settings on her old phone, making sure everything was still working there ok…. You can see where this is going…
The text that caught my eye involved Kid1 calling her “friend” a bitch. I needed to investigate right? My daughter doesn’t say things like that!
Apparently she does.
So I read through her texts. Don’t talk to me about how I invaded her privacy. I know people disagree about this. It’s not something I do all the time. But if I am suspicious about something that is going on – I investigate. It’s a dangerous world out there and with all this technology it would be stupid to ignore the dangers. Anyway…. whether you agree or disagree is not the point.
I learned some things about my daughter. I learned she has been texting back & forth with a guy in 11th grade. She is in 8th grade. Ewe. It seems innocent enough – they ride the bus together, he lives just up the road, there wasn’t anything that makes me believe they are more than friends. Still ewe – that’s too much of an age difference.
And I learned my daughter has a filthy mouth. At least when she is typing. And at least when she is texting him. Filthy as in swearing, not sexting. I learned that he tried moonshine once and it made him puke. I learned that she has never had moonshine. (Yay! Ha. ) I learned he likes one of her friends and he wants her to help them hook up. I learned that she thinks all the boys in her grade are stupid and has her eye on some guy in 9th grade. (I can deal with that:)
“My mom and I are not close. I don’t tell her much.”
OUCH.
Honestly, I think we are close. No, she doesn’t tell me all the drama with her friends and boys etc – what teenager does?
That hurt to read but I disagree. Ha ! Of course I wonder what we could do differently so she would feel like we are close. And then I think maybe she was just saying that cuz he had just said his mom was so annoying and blah blah blah. Whatever. I think we have a pretty good relationship. And I think she feels that way too. That stung a bit but will just make it more of a priority for me to do what I need to do to have a solid relationship with her. My biggest fear is that my kids & I will have a terrible relationship when they are grown up. Like me & my mom.
Since I first read those, I have been on the lookout. Mainly because this older boy is texting her. So I have snooped a few times. The last few texts that I saw were him asking her if she knew who in her grade supposedly got a BJ and who gave it to him. WHAT?!?!? Ugh. She didn’t know. I told my BFF this – cuz that’s what us moms do – compare stories :)
BFF told me of another mom who just freaked out cuz a boy text her daughter and asked her to give him one. An 8th grade boy text an 8th grade girl and asked her to give him a BJ. Yep. I don’t know what the girl replied to him – but the boy then insisted he was kidding. OK. But really??? You text that to someone? First of all – tooooooo young. Second, don’t these kids get that texting is not really private like they think??? Not only are there snooping moms, but there are ppl who have texts forwarded to their email automatically. That right there is forever documentation. And I’m sure there are many other ways that this info would & could be spread.
And so then us moms are talking about this and hear that this is “just the thing that kids do these days”. Google it – you will be amazed. I’m hoping that whole trend has not truly reached my small town. But apparently it has to some extent – or I wouldn’t even know about it right?
So what do we do? I think all I can do is talk to my daughter. And talk some more. And talk and talk and talk. I will ignore the eye rolls. I will talk even though she is annoyed about it. And I hope that something I say will sink in and matter and at least make her think twice about decisions like these. I think the tricky part is to talk enough to make an impact, but not so much that I alienate her.
An interesting fact I came across while googling this:
(CBS) What’s the leading cause of oral cancer? Smoking? Heavy drinking? Actually, it’s oral sex.
Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20035363-10391704.html
There’s a scary fact I can talk to her about :)
Good Manners and Multiple Forks
05 Apr 2012 3 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, Kids, panic attacks, restaurants
I had a fun day with my kids. I love days like this.
They are off school for Easter break. I got up extra early this morning, worked a few hours, and then we went shopping. Our list was pretty small but we made a day of it anyway. Kid3 didn’t want to come at all. He needed new cleats for baseball though so I made him. He was glad he did.
We went to Olive Garden for lunch. We really need to get out more. Ha. Kid2 kept exclaiming how nice the place was and she was on her brother’s case about using his best manners. And Kid3 said very excitedly (and loudly!) “Did everyone get TWO forks?!” lol Yea, my poor deprived kids need to get out more. Kid1 was of course the annoyed teenager that was completely embarrassed by her immature siblings. It was so fun.
I did have a hard time at the restaurant. I was very uncomfortable and shaky. Yesterday’s panic attack keeps replaying in my mind. I was uncomfortable but determined today. I got through it. I took an ativan half way through our shopping day – before we went to Olive Garden. I don’t think it really helped though. I felt jumpy all day. I am exhausted.
And full! I love Zuppa Toscana soup. My absolute favorite thing to eat at Olive Garden. Yum!
I have so much more I’d love to write and tons of draft posts that are half done. I planned to get some of those done and posted tonight. My eyes are so very sleepy though. It will have to wait until another day.
Good night blog world!
She’s Rude and He’s Not?
14 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Love my Kids!, Marriage Tags: communication, husband, parenting, rudeness
.
The morning started out fine. Kid2 got dressed, ate breakfast, and went back upstairs to do her hair just like she does every morning. When she came down she was ticked at the world.
Of course hubby saw this and couldn’t let it go. So he starts demanding “What’s your problem?!” And my bull-headed child refused to answer. Yep, my little 12 year old would not answer her big loud scary Dad. (I am amazed every time my kids do this sort of thing.)
He asked her several more times, becoming more irritated each time. He said “I asked you a question!” She said “So!” Imagine it real snotty from a tween and you get the picture.
The kids left to walk out the driveway to the bus.
He said “I hate when she gets like that. It’s so rude! Aaaghhh.”
LOL Are you laughing with me right now?? I couldn’t help it so of course I said “That’s just like what you do to me. You look past me and pretend you didn’t even hear me and you refuse to answer me.”
“Not like that though! I’m not rude like that! No.” he said. Apparently he thinks the way he does it is OK. Really? Is there a way to do that that is not rude? She learned this from him!
I kinda raised my eyebrows at him and he knew I disagreed, but I let it go. He’s been in a pretty good mood since Sunday so I let it go. No need to create trouble when there is peace.
In Need of a Vacation :)
08 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Love my Kids!, Marriage Tags: husband, Kids, Marriage is Hard
Kid3 was going to go to the basement and play on the wii.
-
“It’s not hooked up mom.”
“Why not?”
“Dad went like this and ripped it out of the TV cuz it was tangled up.”
“Lovely.”
And so we fixed it so he could play.
Such is my life. And it’s hard to not obsess about this stuff when you’re drowning in it. It gets to me. It’s like having another child, instead of a partner. A child that doesn’t have to listen to me. One I can’t ground from electronics or send to his room for misbehaving or having a bad attitude. If my children acted the way he does, they’d be in trouble constantly!
If this was summer vacation I’d take the kids away for a few days – camping – or who knows – somewhere! I’d call it a vacation and it would be good for all of us.
Helping My Kids Understand Him
08 Mar 2012 4 Comments
in Love my Kids!, Marriage Tags: communication, husband, Kids, marriage, Marriage is Hard, parenting
I am constantly explaining hubby to my kids. His kids. I hate that he put me in this position – where it is actually an ongoing conversation – why daddy does what he does… Ugh.
I don’t want to continually bad mouth him – but it’s very hard to talk to them and answer their questions about him without doing that!
Kid3 asked me the other night why daddy was sleeping in the basement. I didn’t answer right away. I was trying to find the right words. “Cuz your dad is an ass!” would not really be appropriate would it. Instead I said “Cuz he’s stubborn.” He just smiled and said “Yea, he is.” And that was that.
Usually when they ask me why he won’t go somewhere or why he said or did something, my answer is “You’ll have to ask him.” That works for some stuff. But really, they are trying to figure him out just like I am. I think it’s my job to help them figure it out and explain that he is crazy and unpredictable and no way is it their fault when he flips out and yells. I explain this in a nice way of course. Ha.
It seems like they are getting it. They don’t seem to take it personally. I still do unfortunately. How could I not? I have become the target of his grudges, silent treatments, and criticism. He needs to hurry up and get over himself. He is ruining his marriage. He is ruining his relationship with his kids. I don’t know what changed in him and what brought this on. I hate it though. There are no drugs. There is no alcohol. There is no other woman. (I feel confident about those statements believe it or not.)
What is it? My guess would be that he is stressed about all his responsibilities and the constant demands on his time and attention. Umm. I’m right there with you dear hubby! Again I want to say “Deal with it!” The rest of us manage to deal with it without hating the world.
He is going to have so many regrets about this season of his life – there is no doubt about that.
I want my husband back – the one that I married 17 years ago. I’m praying he is still in there somewhere.
Words of Wisdom from My Child
06 Mar 2012 1 Comment
in Love my Kids!, Marriage Tags: anger, Kids, Marriage is Hard, yelling
Hubby and I have been arguing a lot lately. We’ve been doing pretty good at keeping it away from our kids. That being said it is also crystal clear to everyone that things are tense and not very happy between us. Then at supper the other night I was very snippy with him and pretty much disagreed with everything he said. That ticked him off and got him yelling. Sorry but I truly did disagree with what he was telling them! He was being so arrogant – it made me mad. I didn’t need to be snippy and that wasn’t cool – but I’m human. I really wanted to yell “ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?” so snippy was actually a nice compromise :) I’m done biting my tongue remember?!
He yelled, stomped out, and went to the garage.
I composed myself and went to find my girls who were in their bedroom painting nails and singing to the radio. I told them that I was sorry about the blow up and I wish our home was more a more peaceful place for them.
Kid2 said
“You don’t have to apologize! It all started cuz he can’t control his anger!”
She is so smart :)
My Kids are Still Uplugged
28 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: Kids, parenting
My kids unplugged last Tuesday. (2/21/12)
They are still unplugged! They have officially made it one whole week. I am amazed.
It has been so easy – for me at least! Instead of me constantly having to tell them to get off the computer etc, it is their choice! I do not have to be the nagging mom that is no fun. They have asked a few times if they could get on. I said “Sure!”. But then they don’t.
Kid2 said to me last night that this was gonna last a while. She said it was “cuz we don’t want each other to get the money.” So it is no longer about earning the money for her, it appears to be about making sure her Bro & sis don’t get it. Ha!
Gotta love sibling rivalry!
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