Anxiety: Basketball Bleachers & A Dream
16 Jan 2012 3 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, basketball, bleachers, panic attacks
So far this season I have attended 3 scrimmages & 2 Basketball Games.
I count them separately because they are at different locations and the scrimmages are easier. There are no bleachers at the scrimmages. We sit along the court on the floor or on fold-out chairs. I can sit wherever I want. That’s easier.
The first basketball game at the Y was rough. That was 2 weeks ago. Actually the car ride there was worse than the game. The game was at 4pm so I had all day Saturday to get my nerves in a flutter. And by the time we left, wow. I did take an ativan before we left the house. The ride there was very uncomfortable. Hubby was driving so I didn’t even have that to control. I had no control. I felt out of control. I felt like throwing up. Hubby was cold and was blasting the heat, I was sweating to death. I cracked my window for some air and tried to act normal. I pretended I was fine and that always helps.
Usually when we get there we have to wait outside the gym in the lobby until the game before ours ends. It gets SO PACKED. Well Praise God, the other game ended early and there was no waiting. We went in and found a seat in the bleachers. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and composed myself a bit - deep breathing and reciting everything I ever learned about panic attacks. I didn’t like where we sat but I didn’t get to pick the location and I was trying to go along with it instead of making a scene. The first 10 minutes or so were not so great. Those feelings of wanting to scream or puke or just get the hell out of there can be overwhelming, can’t they?!
But I persevered. And it got better.
Last weekend it was easier. The car ride was easier. The bleachers were easier. I am still not able to just sit still while we are waiting for it to start. I fidget and have to play with things – like my camera. Or my phone. Or dig in my purse for whatever. I want to get to that place where I am just content to sit & be. I remember how that feels. I took it for granted for years! Now it is a dream I am pursuing.
One Down, Eight More To Go
21 Dec 2011 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Take That Panic Attacks! Tags: anxiety, ativan, basketball game, bleachers, panic attacks
There were no bleachers at the basketball game tonight. And really it was only a scrimmage. There were not many people there. Hubby was not there. Girls begged to stay home – I think they were strung out from the Christmas parties they had at school today. So I went myself. I found a chair and sat along the wall next to another mom that was there herself. I sat close but not too close. I don’t know her well and but I do know she likes to yell at the coach when she thinks her kid doesn’t get fair playing time etc.
Well she was lovely. We gabbed & gabbed.
I did NOT take ativan today. There was a battle in my head about this all afternoon. I was not feeling very anxious today at all really. But I was worrying about feeling anxious later at the game. Ugh. I managed to convince myself that I should not take ativan just because I fear I may want to take it later – or wish I had taken it. I should only take it when I am actually feeling an attack come on and really need it.
I felt like I was going to the game naked.
I felt very vulnerable and exposed.
I’m happy to say that those feeling passed pretty quickly and I was able to enjoy the game.
One down, 8 more to go. :)
Take that panic attacks.
Panic Attacks: Basketball Bleachers
12 Dec 2011 2 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, bleachers, panic attacks
Here we go again.
Back to the Bleachers for kid3′s basketball games. Last year I sat there for Kid2. You all know how I love bleachers! Darned athletic kids! lol
The games started this past Saturday. Kid3 didn’t go because he came home from school on Friday with pink eye. Hubby took him to the doctor Saturday AM and got drops. He was contagious and his eyes were very icky. So he didn’t go. It cleared up pretty quickly – I think because we got the drops so quickly. His buddy at school had it so I was on the lookout for it.
Today is also a basketball scrimmage for Kid3. The coach decided it was a great idea to have 9 & 10 year olds travel an hour and 15 minutes on a school night for a scrimmage. What? I don’t know how this game came about – I suspect she works with someone who coaches at this school and they thought this was a fun idea. Why did the parents all agree to this? I said it was silly and I said no, kid3 didn’t have to go. Hubby thought that it would be just terrible if kid3 missed it, so he took him tonight. They left at 4:00 for a 6-8pm scrimmage since he isn’t quite sure where this school is. Who knows what time they will get home. Ridiculous. Amazingly though all other parents except one agreed to go. Sports rule in this town. Geesh.
This coming Saturday I will probably miss his game because of the Christmas party at my brother’s house. Hubby & kid1 will probably just come to the party a little late. If I was not making hot food & and a good portion of the meal, I might go to the game first too. But let’s be honest… Yay – I have a reason not to go! I’m not a bad mom, I just have other commitments and previous plans for that day that cannot be changed. Right? Right.
Seriously though I am making a lot of food. Brother’s wife doesn’t cook. Don’t get me started. So it is a legitimate reason. :D
SO what all this means is that I don’t have to deal with the basketball bleachers again until January 7th! Yee haw. I can just put that out of my mind and decide to worry about it later.
Panic Attack in The Bleachers
21 Oct 2011 3 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, bleachers, panic attack
One of my worst ever panic attacks happened in the bleachers at a football game 2 years ago. We were there to watch my son – he was on the pee wee flag football team. They were going to be announced and have a scrimmage at half time of the Varsity game. I didn’t do well. I tried to sit in the bleachers with my BFF and our kids. I was having trouble before it even started. And I had been sick and had a nasty head cold. I loaded up on the cold medicine before we went. I’m sure that made it worse.
They told us all to rise for the playing of the national anthem. We did. My legs gave out. I wanted to puke. I wanted to run. What could I do? Nothing! I would have caused a much bigger scene trying to scramble down the bleachers in front of everyone! I thought I was going to pass out. I started seeing the black spots. I know I turned white. I just kinda fell back down onto my seat. My kids and others around me looked to see what I was doing. I was not being respectful and standing silently during the anthem now was I? So I leaned forward and put my head down as far as I could. I made it clear that I felt ill so no one would think I was just rude.
As soon as the music ended, without saying a word, I bolted off the bleachers and headed for the gate. I swear I was dripping sweat and looked like heck. I got to the gate, realized I did not have my ticket stub, or my car keys, or my cell phone. If I left I would not be able to get back in – or call my BFF to tell her where I went or that I needed more money to get back in. And I realized that I probably scared my kids by just leaving in such a hurry without saying a word to them. For the record, I left them with my BFF - so they were safe. Although I am ashamed to say that was the last thing on my mind as I left those bleachers!
Instead of leaving, I found a bench near the gate and sat down. There were kids running wildly in the grass area behind where I was sitting. I remember that they looked very blurred. It took me a while to calm down. A friend saw me and came and stood next to me and babbled and babbled! Oh my! She is quite self-centered and just kept talking at me, never even noticing that I clearly shaken and a mess! She went on & on. After a while, she moved on and another lady stopped to ask me if I was OK. She asked if I had the flu. I said yes. She did let me borrow her phone & I called my BFF, who was still in the stands with my kids. She sent Kid1 down with my keys and ticket stub. I went to the car, sat there for quite a while – deep breathing, crying, & praying – and then returned to the game.
I did not go back to the bleachers that night though. My kids saw me coming back and they all joined me, we stood/sat on the hill for the rest of the evening. No one knew I had a panic attack except my BFF. My kids, and anyone else who saw me just thought I was sick. My sister -in-law walked by while we were sitting on the hill. She was very concerned and asked me what was wrong. She said I looked horrible and should go home and go to bed. Glad she didn’t see me earlier.
That was the first (and only) time my BFF ever witnessed me having an all out panic attack. She was very concerned and understood it all so much better after that. Luckily I had told her about them though – otherwise she would have really been worried and taken me to the ER or something. I remember feeling her hand on my shoulder when my legs gave out and I sat back down on those cold metal bleachers. She has never been judgmental, just supportive. She’s awesome like that :)
Last year when we attended the same event, I avoided the bleachers completely and stood on the hill with my camera. I just told my family that I hated sitting on the cold bleachers. Some of them sat in the bleachers, some of them hung out with me. It didn’t matter if I had to stand there alone all night. I was NOT sitting in those bleachers.
Then one time after that (I can’t remember when!), my son’s flag football team set up a “super bowl” and they had it at the high school field instead of their usual field. It was during the day. We went. There were not many people there. We sat in the bleachers. I had a few rough moments but I did it. I figured that was the time to work on it since it wasn’t as crowded. Plus it was a beautiful day. I sat there with my eyes closed for a while, deep breathing quietly. I remember how good the sun felt on my face. I remember my body relaxing. It was better the rest of that day.
I still stress about those bleachers though. It will take a while before the memory of that nasty panic attack is replaced with happy memories of my kids playing football and marching in the band. It will happen eventually though.
Working the Concession Booth
21 Oct 2011 2 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, bleachers, exposure therapy, Fake It, panic attacks, self-help
OK guys. Be proud of me. Be very very proud.
Well maybe hold your applause until I report back….
Tomorrow night I am scheduled to work in the concession booth at the football game. I have been successfully avoiding this for 2 years. I even signed up to “open” the booth for all Thursday junior high home games – just so I could avoid the Friday night Varsity games. Obviously Friday night games draw a much bigger crowd. And I’m all for avoiding that.
Oh. And did I mention that tomorrow was HOMECOMING? Yes, the biggest crowd of the whole season will be there.
In addition to the regular homecoming events, our town has gone crazy and has scheduled a huge alumni reunion type thing too. We are a small school. And every year we hear threats that we may need to consolidate with nearby towns. I guess people are starting to think it may actually happen so everyone is being all nostalgic and wanted to make this a really big event. In case this is the last year our school exists.
I am an alumni band member :) I played the clarinet and the trumpet. I am not participating in the big festivites cuz, well cuz I don’t really want to be out there marching around on the football field now do I?!? Sitting in the bleachers is hard enough. Put me out there on the field in front of everyone? NOT gonna happen. (Amazing how I did things like that repeatedly for several years with no trouble and now it sounds horrifying. Be damned panic attacks!)
Like I said, I have been helping at the concession booth during the Thursday night games. The first time I did that was very hard! I was so very nervous! Happily, I got to work in the back part cooking hamburgers and serving up nachos & cheese. I’ve never had to work the front counter and frankly I refuse to do so! I want to be involved and I want to be helpful. I’m a band parent now and I will be for many years, so I chose to work those Thursday nights as a kind of exposure therapy :) Call it a personal challenge. The deal is that one other lady and I get there before the game starts and get everything set up and cooking. Then when other helps arrives for the evening we get to leave. That sounded do-able to me. Much better than working all night at a Friday night game. And it is required that all parents cover at least one shift during the season. So this was my way to do it but not have to do it big :)
So much for that. The parent in charge of the concession booth called and practically begged me to help. Most of the people that were scheduled for that night will be busy marching around on the field. Hmm. She is very sweet and was so very desperate. I gave her a lame excuse, said I’d talk to my hubby cuz we potentially had some other plans (lie!) and get back to her. It bugged me all day as I was working! Finally I text my sis-in-law, and asked her if she wanted to help. She loves stuff like that! I figured she could help in my place. She said “You’re helping too right?!?! It’ll be fun.” So after that text nagging me for a while longer, I called that sweet band parent lady back and told her we’d help. This all happened yesterday. (Wed.) So far, I’m not freaking out. That’s awesome. Hopefully I will be able to hold onto this attitude and it will be fun. I will definitely take an ativan before I go. Definitely. I’m not feeling confident enough to handle this without that. It gets pretty cramped in that booth, I would really hate to have a melt down there. You know what though? I think it’s gonna be ok. I really do. Maybe even fun :)
I think I am actually more nervous about seeing old friends that I am about working the booth. It is always awkward seeing people from high school that you haven’t seen in ages. I always feel like they are judging me :( Guess I’ll be faking it until I make it tomorrow night too! My “I am awesome, who the hell are you?” attitude always seems to help get me though these things. Ha.
Wish we luck.
This is getting long so I’ll tell you all about my horrible panic attack in the bleachers in my next post.
Lovey Dovey Couples Make Me Want To Puke.
11 Jun 2011 4 Comments
in Marriage Tags: bleachers, communication, Marriage is Hard
Sorry, that’s a lie.
Lovey dovey couples make me so freakin jealous.
That’s the truth.
lovey-dovey (luv′ē duv′ē)
adjective
Slang:very affectionate, amorous, or sentimental
The track meet went very well. Kid2 got 3rd place in the 800m and 5th in the 400m. Yay. Big event, lots of competition. I’m proud of her. I had a few moments when I was uneasy in the bleachers but nothing worth gabbing about really. So that’s good news. The whole family was there for a while. The track meet started at 8am, was over about 2:30. Long day in the sun. But fun. Kid3 had a ball game today too, so hubby and I did the old divide and conquer thing again. Hubby and kid3 were there for about 2 hours this morning, then left for his game.
Here’s whats on my mind today:
Happily married couples. I want it SO bad.
At track meets, there is a lot of waiting around time. Waiting for your kid’s events to begin. Lots of waiting. We sat near some old friends. Hadn’t seen them in quite a while so that was nice.
This couple gets along so freakin well. They have been married maybe a year or two longer than hubby and I – so let’s say 19 years. They talked to one another so easily. They adore each other, you can tell. They were walking around holding hands. They sat with his arm around her. At one point she put her feet out in front of her on their cooler to tan them, and he did the same. She rubbed sunblock on his ears while he smiled. She was hungry so she went to the concession stand and got herself some fruit. She got him the same. He sighed and said “She insists I eat this stuff.” And they kissed. Sounds too good to be true right? Yea. But it was real.
I will just never have that with my hubby. Not even close. We do not have easy conversations. About anything. I would not put sunblock on him. He would scowl at me. If I put my feet on the cooler he would not do the same, he would probably comment that I should not put my feet near our food. ha. It was too hot for anyone to have their arm on me, that would have annoyed me. lol But you get the picture.
The thing that I want the most? The easy conversation. They just get each other. It is like they are in sync. I want that so bad.
Realted Posts:Lovey Dovey Couple Update
Back to the Bleachers
14 May 2011 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, bleachers, Kids, panic attacks, school
So you all know I hate the bleachers in the gym. Well I got to go there 3 times this past week! Ha!
It sucked because it is stressful and I cannot seem to make myself go there without popping an ativan first. Not yet anyway.
It was good because I am forcing myself to do these things and it makes me stronger.
Event 1 – Spring Musical
Events 2 & 3 – Track & Field was moved indoors due to rain. Went 2 times the same day and sat in those blasted bleachers to cheer for my kids :)
I am fighting back against these panic attacks!
Going to the gym this often will desensitize me. Does that make sense? Not sure I am using that correctly. But the more often I go, and successfully make it though these events without having a panic attack, the easier it will get.
Right? Right.
Spring Musical Anxiety – Follow Up
12 May 2011 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, bleachers, Kids, panic attacks, school
Continued from this post.
We all went to the musical. :)
Both kids came home from school wanting to go. I took some deep breaths in my room, planned when to take my ativan and got on with it. Yesterday was hard for me – I felt like my anxiety was already through the roof and then I had to go to one of the worst panic-inducing places for me. Ugh.
Obviously I made it out alive. I sat as close to the door as I could get. They usually keep that gym door open to let some air in, this year it was closed. About 20 minutes in, I said to a friend sitting in front of me that it was so horribly hot in there. She had been fanning herself with the program the entire time. Her hubby took it upon himself to open the doors. It took him a while to find a door stop, but the breeze was awesome. Many of us were thankful. Relief! After the musical, hubby went home and the kids and I and some of their bffs went to the grade school to see the art and avoid the book fair. It was a good time. Some day I will not stress about these things. I look forward to that day!
Oh – remember a little while ago I posted about the friend of ours that had died unexpectedly? He died just a few days after his wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. This man’s mother sat down in the bleachers next to me, holding that precious child. I almost cried. She is so very beautiful. So much long black hair. She slept sweetly the entire time. Grandma was very proud.
That put it all in perspective for me for sure. How can I even stress about sitting there in the bleachers when I look over at this tiny new person who has already had so much grief in her life – whether she knows it yet or not.
Spring Musical Anxiety
11 May 2011 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, bleachers, Kids, panic attacks, school
Tonight is the Spring Musical at our school.
I just took 1/2 an ativan. I have been trying to run through it in my mind all morning. I just can’t even slow my spinning mind down long enough to do that. I like to try to picture it in my mind. How it will work from beginning to end. How it went last year. I like to visualize it. That usually works to help me remember that yes, I can do this and yes, it will be fine. Will try that again soon – hopefully this ativan will kick in soon.
Kid2 & Kid3 are supposed to be in it. It is held in the high school gym with the huge bleachers I HATE. This has been one of the WORST places for me and my panic attacks in the past. Especially at this event. I have terrible memories of past spring musicals. I will say that last year was a success. I had a plan and I did it and it was good. But I still cannot even think of the spring musical without dread.
So as this event has been approaching, my kids have been complaining that they didn’t want to go. That has been such an issue this year – it never was before. I think it is because there is a new music teacher and they don’t like her. Anyway, of course this event stresses me out but as a responsible involved parent, of course I’ve been telling them they have to go anyway. The other night at dinner, hubby says great, if no one wants to sing in the musical guess we won’t go. I didn’t say much, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Relieved but with tons of mom guilt. I really felt like they should go and that I was letting them down and not allowing them to have these great grade school memories of musical performances in a hot sweaty, crowded gym? I dunno. Thinking back, I don’t remember any grade school musicals either, although I do remember band concerts in high school.
I don’t know why exactly I felt it was so important for them to go. So, I decided to let it go. They were thrilled. I was relieved and finally just happy that I was off the hook. Done. No longer necessary to think about this. Wrong.
Now Kid3 wants to go. HA! Kid2 does not and is begging to not have to. I guess they practiced at school yesterday. The whole school went through the program together. Kid3 thought it was awesome. Kid2 hated it. She said she was sweating TO DEATH. And that was just with the kids there – wait till the gym is packed with all the families too – she said the body heat would be unbearable. Yes, she really said that. lol
So now I don’t know what to do. I mean how can I tell Kid3 no we aren’t going? And do I make kid2 participate anyway, cuz I mean we will be there – it is silly to sit in the bleachers and sweat. She might as well sing & sweat with her class. There is an “art show” at the elementary school after the musical. They both want to go to that. Is it tacky (is that the right word?) for us to show up at that even though we didn’t go to the musical? It’s a small school. It will be obvious to their teachers when we are browsing the art in their classrooms. Hmm. And of course they have the book fair. Kid3 REALLY wants some lego sticker book for 12.99. Seriously? I found it on amazon for $8. I boycotted book fairs several years ago. The books are more expensive than they even are in the book order forms they send home. I mean come on! I am all for helping to raise money for the school. And I know that is necessary. At the same time, I don’t like being ripped off.
I had previously told them that no, we aren’t going to the art show if we aren’t going to the musical. I want to take that back now. I even feel like bribing kid3 with that blasted book. But in a sneaky way of course so that he won’t know I actually bribed him out of going to the musical. lol He’s 8, that sometimes still works.
Hubby apparently told kid2 this morning that he’d see if he could talk me into not making her go and the two of them would stay home. I said no way! If I have to go – you have to go!
This is what I see happening tonight:
I will happily take Kid3 to the musical. Kid2 & Hubby will stay home. Hopefully Kid1 will come with me. She is a social butterfly and would love to avoid writing her geography term paper I am sure. Although I’m sure hubby will tell her she can stay home if she wants. We will sit in the bleachers – near the bottom, and off to the side, by the door – so I can feel the breeze that I pray God will blow on me during this event. I will be fine. (And I will have ativan in me!) Then we will go to the art show. Then I will refuse to go into the cafeteria to the book fair. Then Kid3 will have a melt down. Then we will come home with some great memories :)
OR – I could always agree happily to take him to the musical, silently PRAYING the whole time that he will change his mind about wanting to go. Stranger things have happened. Especially in this house.
Wish me luck.
My Ta-Da List!
24 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: bleachers
Todays’ schedule:
4:00 am – be rudely waken by smoke alarms even though there was no fire. Cannot make them stop so I disconnect them all and take them down from the ceiling.
5:55 am – phone call from loving relative to tell us kids have a 2 hour delay. Realize we have no heat. Push reset button on furnace and do the few things hubby has taught me. They don’t work. Text hubby to tell him the good news.
6:30 am – Hubby calls for more info. Makes plans to get supplies on his way home from work. Kid3 is awake and cold and crawls in bed with me and the heating blanket.
7:35 am – get up and make tea in the coffee pot, heat oven and cook some tator tots for breakfast. I did this just because I wanted to cook something and get some heat in the kitchen.
7:45 – Hubby gets home and saves the day with an additive for the fuel and does all sorts of unknown things to the furnace and has it running again in 30 minutes. Yay hubby.
8:00 – Kids eat breakfast and finish watching the football game we DVR’d the night before. They LOVED having tator tots and warm tea with yummy french vanilla creamer for breakfast :) They almost forgot to be cold. 54 degrees in the house at the time.
9:10 am – drive Kid1 out to the bus.
9:30 am – Hubby turns on the heating blanket and goes to bed.
10:00 am – Drive Kids 2 & 3 out to the bus.
10:20 am – Ahhhhh. Take a break. Yea, right. It’s already after 10:00! Start laundry and run dishwasher. Get some hot tea and a bagel and head to my office. Get to work! But first scheduling the week, making dr appts, etc. Too many phone calls taking too long. Mondays are always like this. Its like catch up day.
Noon – Heat up some leftovers. Get a bit overwhelmed by the day and how little progress I’m making. Decided to be even less productive and write a post to vent about my anxiety. This takes time away from my paid work. But I have decided that it is important to my health and happiness to deal with this crap instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. So I vented. A lot.
2:00 pm – Take 1/4 an ativan and watch an episode of 19 Kids & Counting. Hoping to be able to relax and let go of some anxiety.
2:30 pm – actually focus on work for about half an hour.
3:10 pm – Meet kid1 at bus stop and drive her home. Usually she walks – but it was like 13 degrees or something. Discuss homework and ideas about how to write a poem around the word “acquittal”.
4:10 pm – Get kids 2 & 3 from bus and drive home.
4:30 pm – Hubby gets up. I start supper and we help with homework.
5:00 – Eat dinner together. Kid2 is grumpy and kinda mean – she is very nervous about the evening ahead of her and is trying to get out of it :)
5:45 pm – I leave with Kids 1 & 2 and pick up Kid2′s BFF.
5:55 pm – Drop Kid2 and BFF off at basketball practice.
6:00 pm – Kid 1 & I go to club meeting.
6:20 pm – Hubby takes Kid3 to his basketball game.
7:00 pm – Kid 1, me, and Kid1′s BFF leave meeting and hurry over to see last 10 minutes of Kid3′s basketball game.
7:20 pm – We all go to high school where Kid2 is having basketball practice and is going to play at half time of the Varsity game tonight. Hubby sees how crowded it is and bails. Thanks hubby. He takes kid3 home with him. So yes, I go. Me – the one with the panic attacks and mega-fear of sitting in crowded bleachers. Kid1 and her BFF come too – they are SO excited to be there and go join their friends. I find Kid2′s BFF’s mom and sit with her. We thought Kid2 was supposed to play at half time of the earlier Jr Hi game, but no, this is happening at half time of the varsity game – which is just now beginning….. LOL…. glad we didn’t miss it. Not glad that this night just got longer. (took a whole ativan about an hour before this when I heard the wonderful news.)
7:30 pm – Game begins. Very crowded, Very enthusiastic crowd. Very fun actually. I start to feel hot. Yikes. Need to shift gears a minute and stop it before it starts cuz am doing great otherwise. Leave auditorium and go call my BFF :) She laughs hysterically at my night and swears she would join me if only she wasn’t baby-sitting. Wasted some time on the phone and go back into game.
8:15 pm – Half time finally arrives. Kid2 does AWESOME. It’s over in like 3 minutes. ha. She joins me in the bleachers. We watch until the end of the 3rd quarter and even though no one else wants to, we leave.
8:30 pm – Drop off Kid1′s BFF and go home! Ugh.
9:00 pm – Kids 2 & 3 are showered and (almost) in bed. I clean up the kitchen and pack hubby a lunch
9:45 – Kid 1 finishes her homework and showers and is off to bed.
9:50 pm – Hubby leaves for work.
10:00 pm – I sat down here and felt the need to type up all we have accomplished today. You know how some people call their TO DO list their Ta-Da List. Like Ta-Da! Look what I got done today. I needed a Ta-Da list today.
Oh – and bleachers, panic attack….? Nope. Felt a little uneasy a time or two. Got out my camera for some wonderful distraction and I made it. Not too hard at all actually. Yea, I was medicated. Hey – you gotta do what ya gotta do. Next time will be easier – and I’ll only take 1/2 an ativan. And I’ll work my way out of it that way. Yay me.
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