Tough Words about My Marriage and Myself.

Oh.. And about that Tunnel….

11 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by Zoe in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, driving anxiety, panic attacks

So I was stressing about driving through the underwater tunnel.  And then as a backup plan, I found an alternate route so that I could avoid the tunnel altogether.  I felt better.

Last year hubby drove us all home from OBX in the middle of the night to avoid some traffic.  It was awesome.  And so much quicker.  I started thinking about that and it sounded like so much more fun than being stuck in traffic all day Saturday.  Actually I don’t think the OBX traffic was going to be that bad since it is officially off-season now.  But I still liked the idea of driving all night better anyway.

SO I stayed up late Thursday night and then took 1/2 a Tylenol PM Friday after the kids left for school.  I only slept about 3 hours and then was wide awake.  Go figure.  Other days I could have easily slept all day!  SO then in the evening we packed all up, and as soon as Kid1 got home from the football game & dance we left. It was midnight.

My plan was just to see how it went and see how far I could drive before being too tired.  I expected to stop for the night at a hotel room after a few hours.  I took one of hubby’s pepsi maxes and drank that.  I don’t do good with extra caffeine so I have never had one of those before.  It last me the whole 8. hour trip.  LOL  I just sipped it occasionally.  I think it really helped though!  lol

I drove the whole way and we got to OBX about 8:30 am.  WooHoo!  I was so happy we didn’t have to stay at a hotel.  It wasn’t too hard actually.

And the tunnel… Yea the tunnel was a BIG motivator for me!  That tunnel is about 6 hours from our home.  I was determined to drive through that tunnel.  I didn’t want to have to avoid it and continue to fear it.  And really that was a big part of my decision to drive in the middle of the night.  I figured there would be very little traffic at that time and I would be able to do it.  I could picture myself driving though it in the middle of the night with just a few cars around.  I couldn’t even picture it in my head at all when I tried to think about driving through there in the daylight with more traffic.  So I was determined.

And I did it.  And it was pretty easy.  The kids were awake and excited about it and that made it easier for me to have a more positive view of it.  And I decided to fake it until I made it and enjoy it too.  And it worked and it was just fine.

I did have some ativan in me on the trip.  I didn’t start off with any and I was hoping I wouldn’t need it.  But after a big ole’ coffee and some pepsi max – I felt very on edge and jumpy.  So I took it because I didn’t want to get myself all worked up and end up avoiding the tunnel.

Kid 1 even videotaped us going through the tunnel  :)

Yay me!

Done with My Tunnel Anxiety

06 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by Zoe in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, driving anxiety, panic attacks

I am deciding right now to be done worrying about that stupid tunnel on the way to the beach.  I spent way too much time this morning looking at Google maps and researching alternate routes.  I found that I can go over the James River bridge instead of through either of the tunnel-bridges.  It does not add any time to the trip really either.  Wonderful.  I don’t know if I will use that route or not – I will wait and see how the day is going.  But I have a back up plan now and I feel better :)

Now I can get on with my day!

http://www.virginiadot.org/travel/hro-tunnel-default.asp

Underwater Tunnel

04 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment

by Zoe in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, driving anxiety, panic attacks

OK.  This is eating away at me.  Next Saturday we are going to OBX.  Unless Storms Lee and Katia don’t want us to that is…..  I love the beach.  Hubby is not going this year.  That’s fine.  Good actually – I think it will be good for us to have a break from each other.

BUT…  that means I have to do all the driving myself  AND THERE IS AN UNDERWATER TUNNEL that I hated even as a passenger.

Oh my gosh.  Bring on the panic attack!  I am already dreading it and trying to figure out how to work around it.  I hope I relax about it before we go.  I might – I’ve been on edge and hormonal for a few days and that always increases my anxiety.  So these anxious thoughts may pass soon.  Ugh.

I was even tempted to ask hubby to come – just so he could drive through the blasted tunnel.  And we all know I don’t really want him to come!  lol

I did look on Google maps and there is an alternate route – I think – a little bit longer – but I could go over a big long bridge instead of through that tunnel.  Am I right?  Anyone know?  It really sucks that I have myself stressing about this already.

As for now, the plan is this:  Go.  Take an ativan approximately an hour before we get to the tunnel.  Have a backup plan with the alternate route in case I’m still stressing about it.   If it takes longer, it takes longer.  Ugh.

I hope I can conquer this.  I will try hard.  But honestly, when it comes right down to it… is it worth risking a panic attack in the middle of an underground tunnel with my kids in the car?  That wouldn’t be safe for anyone – us or the other drivers.  Is there a place in the tunnel to pull off the road if I need to?  I doubt it.

Who knows, after driving umpteen hours, I may be feeling very confident and it will be easy.  That would be awesome.

I don’t know.  Just thinking out loud here.

——————————-

Turns out there are quite a few videos on Youtube of people driving through that tunnel.  I think I may just use that and look at it repeatedly until I’m no longer freaked out.  And I can also tell you now that there is definitely not a place to pull over in that tunnel.  Seems weird to me.  What if someone’s car broke down?  Traffic would come to a halt.  There is a walkway with a railing along the side – that is no good to me!  ha.  Oh and those high cement walls that I love?  Yep – imagine that – only REALLY high when you are going down into the tunnel.

Oh I’m so nuts right now!  Ha.  Maybe it is good to get it out now.  Maybe I’ll be over it by the time I get there.  Fingers crossed and praying hard!