Peace & Quiet
16 May 2012 1 Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: gratitude, happiness, relax, school, Thank You Lord
Today is one of those rare days that happens once every month or so. Hubby is at an auction, kids are all at school and I have the house to myself.
Ahhhh. Peace & Quiet :)
I had an appointment scheduled with the guidance counselor to discuss Kid1′s classes for next year. Apparently this is something you do before 9th grade. The appointment was at 10am. I even took my ativan already so I’d be prepared.
Guess what?! I just called and changed it. And not because I’m all anxious about it either! I am a little anxious (teacher conference panic attack flashback!) – but that is not why. I was sitting on the porch, sipping my one cup of coffee for the day, enjoying the sunshine and decided I was going to take a time out for me! Yep, just for me.
SO I called the school and rescheduled it for tomorrow afternoon. It’s very strange how very much this makes me smile! lol
I do have a few must-do’s on my work schedule – so I plan to go get those done as quickly as possible, then have a nice long shower, and then maybe even sit on the porch and read a book on my new kindle. Sounds like an awesome plan to me.
Image Source: http://tracys-trinkets-treasures.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html
Full Weekend: Party, Outlets, and Ativan
08 May 2012 1 Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
We went to my Mamaw’s 90th birthday party 2 weekends ago. It was just my girls and I. Hubby and Kid3 stayed home – it was the season opener for baseball. And it was an 8:00 pm game so that didn’t work at all. I think they should have come to see my grandmother instead but I knew that was not a battle I would win, so I let it go.
As for my anxiety…..the party went well. Very well. If you’ll recall, I was stressing about it a while ago. I did take ativan. But the whole thing was very laid back and casual so that really helped.
When we first arrived at the church social hall, this lady came running up to me and hugged me. I had no idea who she was! lol She didn’t seem to notice that at all though and introduced herself to my kids and told them she was my old Brownie leader. Very cool! We moved away from there right after I finished 4th grade. It has been a long time. She was so very sweet. I must admit though that I still don’t remember her at all! I remember going to the girl scout meetings. I remember some of the activities we did and places we went, but I don’t remember my leaders really at all. :( I remember a great cake decorating contest – with the dads! lol
Usually when we visit the relatives, we drive 3 hours, hang out a while, eat too much, then drive 3 hours home. I decided to make it more fun. And YES, I was needing a time out in my life. So we stayed overnight at a hotel and went to the outlets the next day.
By the time we got to the hotel that night I felt so __________, it was amazing. I don’t know what word to put there. I felt alive! It was great to break out of the usual routine. It was great to get out and about and just relax and have fun. It was great to see my wonderful family. It was great to just do whatever we felt like doing!
The outlets were fun. Girl bonding time and lots of shopping. They had not been to the outlets before so they were thrilled. Kid2 kept asking “What are the outlets again?” ha She is my shopper so this was a dream come true for her.
We never do stuff like this so it was a real treat! And we spent less than $100. :) They found a great clearance rack at Claires and spent most of their money on earrings. We mainly just had fun browsing the stores and seeing new sights.
I took ativan before heading to the outlets too. I was nervous, but excited. Once upon a time I couldn’t even go into a store to buy a gallon of milk. Truly, there were a few months like that. It’s good for me to remember that – and to remember how far I’ve come. I had no problems with anxiety or panic attacks at all at the outlets. THANK YOU LORD.
The trip was a success in the panic attack prevention plan. Ha! It was a great confidence builder and I really needed that. There are tons of school events coming up and I know they won’t be easy – but hopefully this will help.
The BEST Kind of Weekend
07 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness, Love my Kids! Tags: happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
Lots of Happy Kids 4-Wheelin’
K’Nex Everywhere!
See the beach chairs and umbrella? My kids love the beach as much as I do!
K’Nex garages for their very cool cars!
My latest craft idea – a decoupaged table for the porch. We’ll see :)
THANK YOU LORD
What is the Best Message?
26 Apr 2012 5 Comments
in Marriage Tags: happiness, Marriage is Hard
How do I be the positive, loving, steadfast Mom that I need to be – in the midst of the chaos?
If I accomplish this I will consider myself successful as a mom.
By staying though, am I also saying that I accept his behavior?
Doesn’t that send a bad message to my kids?
Is that message better or worse than me leaving him and causing upheaval in their lives?
“If you choose the lesser of two evils, you are still choosing evil.“
There is more to Life
26 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: happiness
There is so much more to life than I am living.
I like my home. I like living in my small rural town. I like living in the country. I’ve been to New York City 3 times in my life. I like it. It’s exciting! But I would never want to live there.
I’ve been on a plane a few times. 4 times.
The only other country I’ve ever been to is Canada. I’ve been there twice. Once with the Girl Scouts when I was in high school. Once during the 4th year of my marriage. (Kid1 was conceived there actually! lol)
My sister-in-law just went on a cruise to the Bahamas.
My dad regularly travels to the Caymen Islands and St. Thomas.
My sister flies back & forth to Florida twice every year, once when my Dad goes down for the winter and once when he is ready to come home for the summer. And they have been to Disney World on these trips quite a few times.
My brother and his wife bought an RV and traveled across the US last summer. They have amazing pictures of their adventure.
I was born in Montana so I guess I have been out west – until I was 3 but that doesn’t count because I don’t remember it.
I recently reconnected with an old friend from high school on facebook. He travels quite a bit. Mostly in the US, but still very cool. He’s the reason I started thinking about this. It’s been fun catching up and seeing what he’s been up to. He’s got great pics from all his travels. He has pictures of himself with quite a few famous people too. He is a huge Amy Grant fan. He has met her several times. He has been involved in so many things and has such a great world view. He just signed up for yet another Amy Grant excursion – An Amy Grant Tennessee Weekend.
I am an Amy Grant fan too but certainly not to the level he is. The thing that struck me about all of this?
It would never even occur to me to do something like that.
It’s not so expensive that it would be impossible – the cost ranges from $500 – $800 depending on how many people you share a hotel room with. If I was going to choose an exciting place to go, this wouldn’t be it but the point is that he is out there – living his life with energy & enthusiasm.
Why aren’t I? Well… kids, hubby, responsibilities, money…. They are real reasons to be sure but I’m sure I can do better.
I don’t need to be a jet-setter and visit a new amazing place every month. But I DO need to get out there more. I have no idea how to make that happen. Life is tiring and busy and expensive. BUT I can start small right? Last year I started a list of things I want to do with my kids. None of them are terribly exciting but I realized that this time with my kids is going to pass quickly. Most of the things are local and do not cost much. It is still more exciting than staying home another Saturday to clean the house and play baseball.
I want to get out there and DO STUFF.
Now I am laughing at myself. How do I expect to get out there and do stuff when it stresses me out to even have to attend my child’s musical and sit in the bleachers? How do I expect to do all these exciting new things when I stress out about stupid things like having to go somewhere in the car unexpectedly?
I don’t know. I guess I’ll start with a plan. Maybe I will plan to be spontaneous. Ha. I’ll try to be as prepared as I can be. I’ll try to change my attitude and be more outgoing and try not to be such a homebody. Wish me luck.
Another year wiser?
12 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness, Love my Kids! Tags: happiness, Kids, marriage improvement
I turned 41 this weekend. I can tell you it was SO much better than last year! (See I don’t like turning 40 )
Why was it better?
Well, I didn’t cry once. Ha! And hubby bought me a gift weeks ago! The kids wrapped it for him this morning. Hubby is notorious for forgetting to buy / hating to be bothered with gifts. This becomes a problem because one of my main love languages is gifts. So even though I try really hard, this often leads to hurt feelings.
Those 2 reason right there are plenty.
Oh – My mom called me too. That was nice. She usually just sends a card. This year she did both. Nice :) My dad didn’t call but he probably will this week – he always forgets and calls a few days later. lol That’s ok though. I talk to him pretty regularly so it’s not a big deal. We just hung out at home today and worked on the kid’s valentines for their school parties. Fun, relaxing.
Kid2 made a birthday cake. I told hubby that I was going to order pizza cuz I didn’t want to cook. (hint, hint….) So we ordered pizza, he went to pick it up and also brought home some steaks from the store and STRAWBERRIES. Yum. Strawberries may be my all-time favorite food. He knows that and that is why it is so awesome :) And he cooked the steaks and kids made a salad.
Did I ever tell you that Kid1 and I have the same birthday?? Now that she is a little older (14!!) she is starting to appreciate it a little bit I think. I have always been careful not to take away from her moment. Our tradition is that we usually go to Applebees, just the 2 of us, and then we go shop the winter clearance sales at the mall. It’s lot of fun! We haven’t gone yet. Might happen a bit later this year.
She is having a slumber party next weekend. And I just bought her way too expensive sneakers for her birthday. Between that gift and the party expenses, we may have to wait a little before we can go on a shopping spree!
Kid1 and I are still walking and exercising. She is finally not hating me for it. Most days :) She always complains that her feet hurt – or her shoes hurt – or her ankles hurt – or…. Before I thought she was just complaining because she was mad at me for making her exercise. But she has had a better attitude lately and still complains of foot pain. So we went to a fancy pants shoe store where they have a whole “digital foot analysis” shoe fitting system. I have to say it was very cool! We walked out of there with a $120 pair of sneakers and a smile on her face. lol I didn’t expect to spend that much but if it gets rid of her pain then it is worth it. And I think her feet are done growing so these shoes should fit a LONG time! lol
Perhaps the correct saying is “Another year older, and deeper in debt.”
I don’t know where that quote comes from but it seem fitting!
G’night.
My internet was down.
07 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: gratitude, happiness
The internet was down this morning - I loved it!
Baby sleeping (my adorable nephew).
Laundry.
Cleaned screens on computer, ipod, etc
Cleaned out my box of bill receipts -began too anyway.
Scrubbed 2 pairs of kids shoes.
Planned what we are having for supper – instead of fretting about it about an hour before everyone is hungry.
Got through about half of one pile on my desk.
Emptied garbage cans.
Found a place to hide Christmas gifts this year and moved the various shipping boxes from under my desk to an unused hamper in my closet!
Played with baby!
Sewed a hole in one of kid3′s jeans.
Paid a bill – this is usually late because it is one of only 2 that I still have to write a check and send in the mail. (All others are autopay – I love autopay!)
The internet needs to go out more often!
Happy Blogiversary to Me!
14 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Health & Happiness Tags: happiness, Thank You Lord, therapy, venting
I missed my blogiversary! I realize it may sound stupid, but I am totally impressed with myself! lol
The fact that I stuck with this blog for an entire year is amazing! I am full of ideas and I usually start off full speed ahead with new projects, but run out of steam and get bored quickly. So this is big.
November 5th was one year since I started this. I decided to create a post index on this blog. Thank you very much WordPress, it was a complete pain in the rear. Seems like there should have been an easier way! But it’s done. I called it Archives and put it in the menu at the top of the page. I wanted a clearer picture of my journey.
This blog has changed my life. The people I have met through this blog have changed my life.
I have gained confidence and perspective that I would not have had otherwise. I have found a great support system that means more to me than any of you will ever know. I have found encouragement when I needed it and some company when all I could blog about was my misery.
This is my special place.
I am a better person because of this blog. I am stronger and more confident. I may not know where I am going yet, but I know where I don’t want to be. I’ve changed the direction of my life. And this blog has been a key factor in the positive changes in my life.
THANK YOU LORD for my anonymous blog and my cyber friends.
A Cedar Chest
14 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Marriage Tags: Five Love Languages, happiness, marriage, marriage improvement
I have wanted a cedar chest for a very long time. Like forever. My mom always had one at the foot of her bed and I remember the wonderful cedar smell when we would open it to get out the winter blankets. It brings back good memories.
It has been no secret that I wanted one for a long time. I price them occasionally and talk about them when I see one in a sale flyer or something. There is a antique store near us that sometimes has them. Well maybe it’s just a junk store. Whatever you want to call it. It has used treasures. We purchased a dresser there for hubby a few years ago. It is beautiful – real wood, dove tail construction, deep drawers, with a beautiful finish. It’s hard to find decent furniture now-a-days unless you pay a fortune for it and that is not in our budget. So I love this store. (And I like to refinish furniture so it’s also a fun hobby :)
We also just bought my son a wardrobe there. We replaced his dresser with a wardrobe. No hanging rod, just shelves and 2 drawers at the bottom. My hope is that he can manage it better and keep it neater than he did his dresser. I thought the shelves would be work better for him. And of course it has doors that close to hide the shelves anyway. It’s working pretty well. Now I want to get Kid1 a wardrobe too – her dresser is always a terrible mess!
Way off the point…..
Hubby bought me a cedar chest!! It was a complete surprise. We saw it when we got the wardrobe for my son. Of course I looked at it but didn’t say much. Kid1 and I went somewhere and while we were gone hubby and the 2 other kids went and picked it up. They brought it up to the bedroom and just waited for me to see it.
I was so surprised. Seriously, like I was confused. I cried. Yep, I actually cried over a cedar chest :) Really I cried because my hubby has not done something like that in a REALLY long time. REALLY long. It is beautiful. But the fact that he cared enough and made an effort like that is even more beautiful.
One of my prized possessions is my bath robe. It is white with pink & red roses on it. Shortly after hubby & I got married he bought it for me. It was a surprise too. We were sitting on the couch, watching TV and I was looking through the mail. I saw the robe in a catalog and commented about how nice it was. That was it. We were living in a trailer at that time and being as frugal as could be, trying to save money to build our house. It came in the mail shortly after that. I still have it and use it and love it.
My main love language is Words of Affection. My second love language is Receiving Gifts. So this was very awesome to me.
Hubby doesn’t do stuff like that. He just doesn’t. (Well, maybe once every 15 years ;)
That’s why it is so special.
I want this to be real.
12 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in Marriage Tags: happiness, happy hubby, husband, marriage improvement
So hubby is happier now. We are happier now. We are not perfect, I doubt we will ever get close to that.
I am impressed that he has stayed true to his attitude adjustment this long. Mostly.
We have been mad at each other a few times. He has irritated me quite a few times. I have driven him to the garage a few times.
:)
It is still a huge improvement from a year ago.
Right after he decided to be nice, he was very loving. He was very attentive. Of course I knew that wouldn’t last.
He is not being mean or harsh or ridiculous anymore – no he has not turned back into the jerk and I am thankful for that. I did notice this week though that he has definitley toned down the mushiness though. And yea, that’s ok. It is to be expected in a relationship.
As long as it isn’t a sign that things are starting to go backwards with us.
I. will. not. go. back.
So we’re still doing ok. Pretty ok. He has been wonderful and amazing at times in the past few weeks too..
I am afraid. I want this to be real. I want this to be the real us. I want this to be forever. I could live with this man (as he is now) forever and be happy. Please pray that the jerk is gone for good. I do see glimpses of him now & then. They scare me. I don’t want the rug pulled out from under me again. I like where we are headed and I want to trust that we are in this together.
Time will tell. I guess all I can do is wait & see.
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