Our 18th Anniversary
07 May 2012 5 Comments
in Marriage Tags: anniversary, communication, husband, Love
Saturday was our 18th wedding anniversary.
Things have definitely been better around here since I backed off and took a break from the drama with him. More on that later.
Not too long ago I told hubby that I needed him to kinda make a big deal of special days like birthdays, mothers day, anniversaries etc. I know that he knows that I need that. I don’t think I ever said it to him in such a straight forward way before though.
“You know how I’ve told you that I need you to show me that you appreciate me? Well I need it even more on days like mother’s day and anniversaries and birthdays and stuff. I don’t need anything big. You can get me flowers. Or pick me flowers! Or write me a note – it doesn’t even have to cost anything. I don’t want a big expensive thing. I just want to know you appreciate me. I need you to celebrate those days.”
“But you aren’t my mother.”
“I’m the mother of your children. That counts.”
“OK.”
On Wednesday hubby asked me if we were gonna do anything special for our anniversary. I asked him what he wanted to do. He didn’t know. I was thrilled that he was thinking about it. I was thrilled that he even cared to bring it up!
We talked about going to dinner. We figured out that we would be at a baseball game at 4:30 on Saturday. Maybe the kids could go home from the game with Gram& Pap. Maybe we could go out for breakfast instead…
Neither of those happened actually. But it was still ok. It was a nice day. He acknowledged our anniversary and was not acting irritated by it. He was sweet actually. He was easy to get along with all day. We had fun goofing off together at the baseball game.
After the game, he took the kids for ice cream. I went to Walmart with our mammoth grocery list. When I got home from the store he quickly got all the kids to come help carry in groceries and HE HELPED TOO. He has not done that in a very long time. I am so used to him being irritated at the world that I just do all these things myself. He helped carry bags in, he helped put things away. He didn’t comment rudely about anything I bought. Nice.
And then later, when I was cleaning up the kitchen, I found a note on the counter. 
(He does know how to spell anniversary by the way. He makes fun of my spelling when I text – I leave out the vowels in many words to make them shorter obviously. That’s why he wrote it that way! )
The note was a photocopy of a kindle with a note on the top of it. I have been borrowing my sister’s kindle – trying to figure out if I really want one – and if I will really use it.
He said he noticed that I have been reading in bed again – like I used to do – and he wants to get me one.
The “Forever and Ever Amen” is what we used to say to each other all the time. It is even inscribed on the inside of his wedding band.
I haven’t heard those words in a very long time.
Oh – and I got him a peach pie. His favorite. Simple, but much appreciated.
Simple Moments
17 Apr 2012 3 Comments
in Happy Hubby Moments, Marriage Tags: husband, Love, marriage
The kids were all in bed.
Hubby laid down on the living room floor to take a quick nap before work. (The floor helps his back.)
I walked by and saw him there. I had pangs of loneliness.
So I went and laid down beside him. I cuddled up close. I was relieved that he returned the cuddle.
He said “No work?” (Usually I work after the kids go to bed.)
I said “Yea, but I feel lonely. I need some attention.”
He laughed. He said “You know you just have to tell me what you need cuz I have no idea.”
It’s true. He really has no idea.
I felt happy at the time. As I’m typing this now, I’m thinking What?!? I keep telling you & telling you what I need!
We were quiet for a long time. He rubbed my shoulder. We talked about how many steps were in a mile and how many miles you’d have to go to hit the 10,000 steps goal. I love feeling his strong arms around me. I laid there with my head on his chest – watching it rise and fall with each breath, feeling his heart beat on the side of my face. I felt safe.
I miss this man. I miss moments like this.
I want every day, every moment to be this simple.
My Best Valentine’s Day Ever: Sixth Grade
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Marriage Tags: husband, Love, Valentine's Day
Valentine’s Day
It’s a good day because it gets people in relationships to express their love to each other.
It’s an icky day cuz it is just a day of wishes, expectations, and disappointment.
I bought hubby some Valentine’s Day candy. Hubby brought me some Valentine’s Day candy. That was wonderful. Funny how that should have been enough. What more did I want? I want him to look me in the eyes and sincerely say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ or ‘I love you” or something. Yea, Yea I know. I should just shut up and be happy. And it was an improvement over Valentine’s Day last year.
I’m a romantic at heart. Hubby is not. AT ALL. I know this. I have been married to this man for 17 years… I know this! It still makes me a little sad.
And facebook does not help! Everyone who had a great Vday feels the need to brag about it and post pics, and even engagement rings. Yay them.
My BFFs hubby works out of town. He left for the week on Monday morning. Before he left, she gave him a Vday gift. I forget what it was – some kind of electronic thing. He said to her that he doesn’t get into Vday and he doesn’t celebrate it and it’s stupid. Now he’s not a total jerk so he probably meant something not so horrible – like maybe people should show their love all year round, not just one day a year. I have no idea – I’m just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Made BFF feel like crap though. Yes, she knows this about him. It is still hard to be reminded of these things every year.
Every girl wants a little romance!
My best Valentine’s Day Ever:
Sixth grade. Kevin – my first boyfriend. We were neighbors and in the same class at school. We were both patrols on the bus and sat in the back 2 seats – across the isle from each other. (Remember patrols?!?) On Valentine’s day he gave me a heart necklace. He was SO SWEET! It was unexpected. It was perfect. Best Valentine’s day I’ve ever had and I never even kissed the boy! lol
Maybe that day is the root of all my Vday disappointments! He set the bar too high – no guy could ever compete with that! :)
Now that I think about that… I have not received jewelry for Valentine’s Day since then! I’ve had boyfriends give me stuffed animals, flowers, and candy. (I’m sorry but somebody please tell the guys to skip the stuffed animals unless you’re still in grade school!)
Hubby has given me candy and occasionally flowers over the years but he still makes sure to let me know that he thinks it’s all a big pain. Sigh.
I love my man. Valentine’s Day? Not so much.
A Hug in the Kitchen
08 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Marriage Tags: Love, marriage, marriage improvement, Thank You Lord
Years ago, hubby was always sneaking up behind me in the kitchen. I’d get a hug from behind while I was washing dishes. Or I’d get groped while cooking. lol He thought it was great fun. It drove me nuts! And I told him to knock it off many, many times. He didn’t care if the kids were in the room or not and that irritated me even more.
I don’t know exactly when that stopped, but it did. Just like so many other things in our marriage.
Somehow we lost so much over the years. We almost lost each other.
I recently got one of those kinds of hugs in the kitchen.
The first one in a very very very very long time.
It hit me hard. It made me feel so loved. And at the same time the realization that something as simple as a hug in the kitchen meant so much…. well it was overwhelming.
It’s not a very interesting story but I will tell it anyway. He was at the table watching Kid3 play Animal Jam on the computer when I came downstairs that morning. I have a cold & cough that I can’t seem to shake. I was coughing and hacking. Lovely, right?
I went to the cupboard to get a mug to make some tea and he came up behind me. He said “There’s hacky. Good morning.” And hugged me and rested his chin on my shoulder for a minute. I layed my head back on his shoulder and we just stayed there for a moment. I gotta tell you I wanted to jump his bones right then and there. Nice choice of words I know. Words from my teenage years :)
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It’s the little things that mean so much!
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Now hopefully he won’t start groping me in the kitchen again, at least not in front of the kids. They are much older now, they would notice. Ha.
But I promise I will never again tell that man not to hug me. Ever.
No, this isn’t us. We aren’t quite that cute, but it’s a great picture and exactly what I’m talking about :)
THANK YOU LORD for putting us back on the right path.
Things That Make Me Smile
02 Jun 2011 1 Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: Family, gratitude, happiness, Kids, Love, marriage
Just a little fun today.
Flickr Mosaics – I see these on blogs a lot. I was up too late again last night and did this when I should have been sleeping. Here is a flickr mosaic of things that make me smile. I did not follow the directions. I started and then I was annoyed by the questions and the images that came up for those search results. So I just searched for topics that make me happy and are important to me. Like chocolate, peanut butter, books, love, hiking in the woods, family beach trips, happy kids, etc…
Things That Make Me Smile
1> Love. 2>Tulips from my flower beds.3>My comfy bed.4>Beach vacations with the family.5>Chocolate & peanut butter6>Lots of Books.7>My Marriage.8>Family (that is a family tree).9>Hiking in the woods.10>Family.11>Happy kids being kids.12>Love taking pictures!
——————————————————————————————————————
Here are the real directions:
Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your job?
6. Favorite Drink?
7. Dream Vacation?
8. Favorite Dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11.One word to describe you?
12. Your Flickr Name?
Wham Bam
03 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in Marriage Tags: husband, Love, marriage
Wham Bam Thank You Maam
Yea, that’s what this post is about.
My definition: A quickie.
Urban Dictionary’s definition: slang for a quickie or a really fast-paced sex with someone you barely know or do know but don’t care about. wham bam thank you maam just means that you bang her and go.
Well, here we are talking about a married quickie.
A long time ago when our lives were centered around babies - baby diapers, baby feedings, baby puke, just babies – we started saying that. You are so tired you can’t see straight. You just got the last one to sleep and you know the youngest one is going to be awake in 3 hours to suck the life out of you yet again. (AKA breastfeeding). That was our jargon for “Yea, neither one of us feels like it so let’s just get it over with cuz we know we’ll both be happy we did.” Otherwise know as a quickie. All he had to say was “Thank you maam”. It was something we could say in front of babies and they would often repeat I might add! Then I started saying “Thank you sir”. It was our code :)
Haven’t used that code in a while.
So today I said “Thank you sir.”
He said “What?”
I said “Wham bam thank you sir.”
He said “Nice.” sarcastically.
I said “Ok, then Let’s make love.” sarcastically.
And we both cracked up. How is it that you can be married for SO long and feel SO uncomfortable saying something like that? But it just sounded ridiculous. Like hello, this is the real world and that is hilarious.
I said “You used to say that to me.”
He said “Yea, I had to.”
Now of course he didn’t “have to”. But remember when you were new in love and dating and your feelings are like a “high”…. remember that? You stare into each others eyes and see your future. You long for them and whisper sweet nothings like “I want to make love to you.” And it isn’t hilarious at all. It’s the most important thing in your world at that moment. You have never been more serious, or felt anything like that before. It means everything to you. You are so madly in love that you are blinded by it. You are also on your best behavior, trying to win the other person over. You will do anything to be able to spend the rest of your life with them. So, you get married and build a home together and have babies. And then you wake up one morning, with baby puke crusted in your hair that you haven’t washed in 3 days.
And quickies become your reality. And that is fine because now your world involves more than just the stars you saw in his eyes.
Even after a lot of pain and broken dreams, I am still in love with that man. But somehow looking into his eyes and hoping to find my dream makes me laugh. Now I know that there is so much more to it than that. It is hard work. And it is often painful. But at least we can laugh about it together.
Advice from my Mother-in-Law
07 Mar 2011 1 Comment
in Marriage Tags: Five Love Languages, Love, Thank You Lord
One time early in our marriage, when hubby and I had a fight, my m-i-l told me that I just needed to cook him some meat. Seriously. She said I needed to have some meat cooking on the stove when he got home from work and that would fix it all.
I thought she was nuts.
Well, it wasn’t as simple as that but I will admit now that she knew what she was talking about. My hubby is a “dinner time” kind of guy. I think we need a new love language called “Homemade Meals” for hubby. It’s what he needs. It makes him feel loved.
My m-i-l told me once that she would rather be cooking than doing anything else. Ugh – not me. Despite that, I usually do well with this and have for most of our marriage. M-i-l loves to cook and she always cooks too much & brings us left-overs. Thank you Lord for a cooking m-i-l!
Air in the Tires = LOVE
03 Jan 2011 2 Comments
in Marriage Tags: Love, marriage
Yesterday we went to our last holiday gathering. Most of my side of the family lives about 3 hours away.
Hubby did not go. When the kids asked him why he said because he would be grumpy if he went, so he wasn’t going. That’s so true! These things stress him out and I figured out long ago that it is just so easier when he doesn’t go! If he is there, I am kind of on guard if you know what I mean. I am worrying about him being a bear. He is wishing we could hurry up and leave. It stresses me out even if he doesn’t say it out loud. When he isn’t there, I can relax and just gab with my family that I only see about twice a year. We can stay as long as I want. There is no stress.
My hubby is not good at hiding his irritation. That is an under statement. LOL So people are often aware that he would rather be elsewhere. I have told him to put a fake smile on his face and deal with it. He doesn’t do fake smiles. I will say that he has gotten so much better at these events. Sometimes he doesn’t hate them. He goes to about half of the family gatherings I guess. He is a much better sport than he used to be. And now when he says he doesn’t want to go, I don’t try to talk him into it. Early in our marriage I would insist he come and fight with him about it. Ugh. Maybe it was more important to me then because our kids were young and I needed help. Maybe I was trying to keep up appearances. You know, my perfect cousins with their perfect families and God-fearing husbands might think less of me if my man doesn’t even bother to come. I dunno. I’m over it though. ha. Turns out my cousins don’t have perfect lives either.
So he didn’t go.
BUT he did wash the van the day before the trip. And before we left yesterday morning he checked the oil and put air in the tires.
That’s love, right?
I think it is.
Tough Quote #5
01 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
in Tough Quotes Tags: Love, quotes
Sometimes soft words of love can melt the toughest heart.
-found somewhere on the internet :)
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