Overthinkers Anonymous
21 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, panic attack
Hello. My name is Zoe and I am an over-thinker.
We had Thanksgiving dinner today at my mom’s house. I wasn’t feeling particularly anxious this morning but was thinking about the details of it way too much. I was expecting to be anxious later at the get-together. Before we left I sat on our front porch trying to breath in some cold, fresh air to soothe my nerves, and I thought about how silly it was that I was completely over-thinking the day ahead of me. I wondered why I do that. Then I thought “Hmm. I’ll have to think about that later.”
Did you get that? I needed to think about why I think about stuff so much. Ugh. My plan was to type it all out and figure out why I think about things so much. To do this after kids were in bed and hubby had left for work. Yep, I scheduled a time for myself to think about why I overthink things so much.
The thoughts racing through my mind this morning were these kinds of things:
This is our first get-together at mom’s new house. Where will we all sit? Is there room in the kitchen for an extra table? Will she set up a table in the living room? Oh my gosh – the living room is so hot! The wood burner made that room so hot when we were there last week! If I have to sit near the wood burner I’ll just die. I hate to be hot. I better not wear that long sleeved shirt, I need to wear something cooler. I’ll wear that new blouse, it’s very lightweight. I hope there will be enough table space for everyone to sit. Hubby really hates it when he has to sit on a couch or somewhere to eat when we go to these family functions. Then he’ll be grumpy. I’ll just go sit on the porch. Then he can have my seat and I can be cooler outside. I’ll just tell them I have a headache or something and the cool air feels good. Sis-in-law’s parents are coming too. I can’t remember her dad’s name. What if I call him the wrong name. Maybe he won’t remember my name either. Her mom is nice. But kinda psycho from all the stories I’ve heard. I hope she acts normal today. I hope she doesn’t pick a fight with sis-in-law. That would really make everyone uncomfortable. I’ll just go outside. Her dad is a talker. Last time he talked my ear off about some policy that Pres. Bush created and was now dying under the Obama administration. He’ll ask me questions! I hate when he asks me those political questions and puts me on the spot. I think he just likes a good debate. I don’t like it. Hopefully I won’t need to sit by him. Oh my God. I’ll end up sitting right next to him by the wood burner! ….
and so on…..
Unfortunately I ended up taking an ativan just because I planned to be anxious later! yuk.
And of course the day was fine. Very fun actually. We all fit in the kitchen – nobody sat near the wood burner. It wasn’t too hot in the house. I didn’t sit next to sis-in-laws dad and her mom was lovely today. I wore a light-weight shirt and I was comfortable. We did go out on the porch but as a group, not just me. Of course it was fine. :)
I thought I made up a new term – “Overthinkers Anonymous”. Turns out I didn’t :) Ha. Just google it and you will see. There is even a facebook page although I think it is kinda a joke page.
Here it is in the urban dictionary: Overthinker
Here is an article on LifeHack: How to stop being an overthinker
And wow. Here is abook on amazon about overthinking: Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life
(added that one to my amazon wish list!)
So no, I didn’t come up with that term. But I am a master over-thinker! I think all Anxiety / Panic attack sufferers are. We think about things WAY too much and scare ourselves to death about things that may possibly happen to us in the future. It is really ridiculous. I want to be able to let all that stuff go and just be a happy-go-lucky kind of person. That would be so great. I’ll have to think about how I can do that….
:)
Panic Attack in The Bleachers
21 Oct 2011 3 Comments
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks Tags: anxiety, bleachers, panic attack
One of my worst ever panic attacks happened in the bleachers at a football game 2 years ago. We were there to watch my son – he was on the pee wee flag football team. They were going to be announced and have a scrimmage at half time of the Varsity game. I didn’t do well. I tried to sit in the bleachers with my BFF and our kids. I was having trouble before it even started. And I had been sick and had a nasty head cold. I loaded up on the cold medicine before we went. I’m sure that made it worse.
They told us all to rise for the playing of the national anthem. We did. My legs gave out. I wanted to puke. I wanted to run. What could I do? Nothing! I would have caused a much bigger scene trying to scramble down the bleachers in front of everyone! I thought I was going to pass out. I started seeing the black spots. I know I turned white. I just kinda fell back down onto my seat. My kids and others around me looked to see what I was doing. I was not being respectful and standing silently during the anthem now was I? So I leaned forward and put my head down as far as I could. I made it clear that I felt ill so no one would think I was just rude.
As soon as the music ended, without saying a word, I bolted off the bleachers and headed for the gate. I swear I was dripping sweat and looked like heck. I got to the gate, realized I did not have my ticket stub, or my car keys, or my cell phone. If I left I would not be able to get back in – or call my BFF to tell her where I went or that I needed more money to get back in. And I realized that I probably scared my kids by just leaving in such a hurry without saying a word to them. For the record, I left them with my BFF - so they were safe. Although I am ashamed to say that was the last thing on my mind as I left those bleachers!
Instead of leaving, I found a bench near the gate and sat down. There were kids running wildly in the grass area behind where I was sitting. I remember that they looked very blurred. It took me a while to calm down. A friend saw me and came and stood next to me and babbled and babbled! Oh my! She is quite self-centered and just kept talking at me, never even noticing that I clearly shaken and a mess! She went on & on. After a while, she moved on and another lady stopped to ask me if I was OK. She asked if I had the flu. I said yes. She did let me borrow her phone & I called my BFF, who was still in the stands with my kids. She sent Kid1 down with my keys and ticket stub. I went to the car, sat there for quite a while – deep breathing, crying, & praying – and then returned to the game.
I did not go back to the bleachers that night though. My kids saw me coming back and they all joined me, we stood/sat on the hill for the rest of the evening. No one knew I had a panic attack except my BFF. My kids, and anyone else who saw me just thought I was sick. My sister -in-law walked by while we were sitting on the hill. She was very concerned and asked me what was wrong. She said I looked horrible and should go home and go to bed. Glad she didn’t see me earlier.
That was the first (and only) time my BFF ever witnessed me having an all out panic attack. She was very concerned and understood it all so much better after that. Luckily I had told her about them though – otherwise she would have really been worried and taken me to the ER or something. I remember feeling her hand on my shoulder when my legs gave out and I sat back down on those cold metal bleachers. She has never been judgmental, just supportive. She’s awesome like that :)
Last year when we attended the same event, I avoided the bleachers completely and stood on the hill with my camera. I just told my family that I hated sitting on the cold bleachers. Some of them sat in the bleachers, some of them hung out with me. It didn’t matter if I had to stand there alone all night. I was NOT sitting in those bleachers.
Then one time after that (I can’t remember when!), my son’s flag football team set up a “super bowl” and they had it at the high school field instead of their usual field. It was during the day. We went. There were not many people there. We sat in the bleachers. I had a few rough moments but I did it. I figured that was the time to work on it since it wasn’t as crowded. Plus it was a beautiful day. I sat there with my eyes closed for a while, deep breathing quietly. I remember how good the sun felt on my face. I remember my body relaxing. It was better the rest of that day.
I still stress about those bleachers though. It will take a while before the memory of that nasty panic attack is replaced with happy memories of my kids playing football and marching in the band. It will happen eventually though.
No performance tonight.
11 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, panic attack
Well my son is home from school sick again with a fever and puking. That means we’re not going to the performance tonight at the college. It’s ok. Truth be told, I was more excited just to go beat the panic attack than to see that particular show. It would have been fun and I am just a little bummed, but that’s the way it goes.
I’ll be on the lookout for another event to go try soon!
Recent Comments