Peace & Quiet
16 May 2012 1 Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: gratitude, happiness, relax, school, Thank You Lord
Today is one of those rare days that happens once every month or so. Hubby is at an auction, kids are all at school and I have the house to myself.
Ahhhh. Peace & Quiet :)
I had an appointment scheduled with the guidance counselor to discuss Kid1′s classes for next year. Apparently this is something you do before 9th grade. The appointment was at 10am. I even took my ativan already so I’d be prepared.
Guess what?! I just called and changed it. And not because I’m all anxious about it either! I am a little anxious (teacher conference panic attack flashback!) – but that is not why. I was sitting on the porch, sipping my one cup of coffee for the day, enjoying the sunshine and decided I was going to take a time out for me! Yep, just for me.
SO I called the school and rescheduled it for tomorrow afternoon. It’s very strange how very much this makes me smile! lol
I do have a few must-do’s on my work schedule – so I plan to go get those done as quickly as possible, then have a nice long shower, and then maybe even sit on the porch and read a book on my new kindle. Sounds like an awesome plan to me.
Image Source: http://tracys-trinkets-treasures.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html
Full Weekend: Party, Outlets, and Ativan
08 May 2012 1 Comment
in Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
We went to my Mamaw’s 90th birthday party 2 weekends ago. It was just my girls and I. Hubby and Kid3 stayed home – it was the season opener for baseball. And it was an 8:00 pm game so that didn’t work at all. I think they should have come to see my grandmother instead but I knew that was not a battle I would win, so I let it go.
As for my anxiety…..the party went well. Very well. If you’ll recall, I was stressing about it a while ago. I did take ativan. But the whole thing was very laid back and casual so that really helped.
When we first arrived at the church social hall, this lady came running up to me and hugged me. I had no idea who she was! lol She didn’t seem to notice that at all though and introduced herself to my kids and told them she was my old Brownie leader. Very cool! We moved away from there right after I finished 4th grade. It has been a long time. She was so very sweet. I must admit though that I still don’t remember her at all! I remember going to the girl scout meetings. I remember some of the activities we did and places we went, but I don’t remember my leaders really at all. :( I remember a great cake decorating contest – with the dads! lol
Usually when we visit the relatives, we drive 3 hours, hang out a while, eat too much, then drive 3 hours home. I decided to make it more fun. And YES, I was needing a time out in my life. So we stayed overnight at a hotel and went to the outlets the next day.
By the time we got to the hotel that night I felt so __________, it was amazing. I don’t know what word to put there. I felt alive! It was great to break out of the usual routine. It was great to get out and about and just relax and have fun. It was great to see my wonderful family. It was great to just do whatever we felt like doing!
The outlets were fun. Girl bonding time and lots of shopping. They had not been to the outlets before so they were thrilled. Kid2 kept asking “What are the outlets again?” ha She is my shopper so this was a dream come true for her.
We never do stuff like this so it was a real treat! And we spent less than $100. :) They found a great clearance rack at Claires and spent most of their money on earrings. We mainly just had fun browsing the stores and seeing new sights.
I took ativan before heading to the outlets too. I was nervous, but excited. Once upon a time I couldn’t even go into a store to buy a gallon of milk. Truly, there were a few months like that. It’s good for me to remember that – and to remember how far I’ve come. I had no problems with anxiety or panic attacks at all at the outlets. THANK YOU LORD.
The trip was a success in the panic attack prevention plan. Ha! It was a great confidence builder and I really needed that. There are tons of school events coming up and I know they won’t be easy – but hopefully this will help.
The BEST Kind of Weekend
07 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness, Love my Kids! Tags: happiness, Kids, Thank You Lord
Lots of Happy Kids 4-Wheelin’
K’Nex Everywhere!
See the beach chairs and umbrella? My kids love the beach as much as I do!
K’Nex garages for their very cool cars!
My latest craft idea – a decoupaged table for the porch. We’ll see :)
THANK YOU LORD
Panic Attacks: The Dentist & The Bank
09 Feb 2012 1 Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, ativan, dentist, Kids, panic attacks, Thank You Lord
Let’s talk about the bank shall we?
Well there is really nothing to talk about! THANK YOU LORD.
Let’s talk about the dentist instead….
The morning was rushed as usual. I had no time to get myself in a tizzy. First stop was the dentist. The dentist’s office is not an easy place to go for people with anxiety / panic attacks. But I have had some successes there the last few times we’ve gone so it is getting easier. I took Kid1 today – she has molars coming in, pushing out some baby teeth. The baby teeth are hanging on for dear life and will just not let go! This happened on both sides of her mouth and she complained often that it was sore. I wasn’t too worried about it – I figured they’d fall out on their own eventually. Then she ate some skittles and one of the baby teeth cracked right in half. So half of it came out. The other half was still hanging on tightly but hurting a lot.
So we went to the dentist. He decided to remove them both right then & there. He gave her 4 shots of novocaine and left the room. We were waiting to give it time to work and then he was going to “extract” her teeth. She wanted to know exactly how he planned to do that and kinda freaked out. I remained calm. I’m the mom right? Moms need to be calm, cool, & collected at times like this.
He came back and explained and she felt better. I didn’t feel better! I was thanking God that I remembered to take ativan that morning in preparation for this wonderful day. I was sitting there, starting to sweat, wondering how on earth I was going to watch him “extract” her teeth. I’ve heard of this before – there is cutting of the gums involved, right? I cannot watch that without having a panic attack! I really can’t. So my mind was racing. I was stuck there. I couldn’t leave. Of course I couldn’t leave – Kid1 was all worried and wanted me there.
So I sat quietly in the chair and patted her leg reassuringly. And I hyper-focused on the TV in the ceiling. I couldn’t hear it very well so I was concentrating really hard on reading their lips. It was a wonderful distraction! I was so worried about having a panic attack. I thought for sure it was coming.
It never did.
It helped that he was very quick. There was no cutting involved. He used his dental tool – which just looked like a nice pair of pliers – and pulled them out. It was over in about 3 minutes. Awesome. (For future reference: Extract means yank it out with pliers :)
They gave us an instruction booklet on how to deal with bleeding gums and what she is allowed to eat etc. She was thrilled to see that she was not allowed to exercise all day. Ha. We left the office with wads of bloody gauze hanging out of her mouth.
And then we headed to the bank.
We did everything at the counter, no little offices were necessary. The very cute guy waiting on me was a nice surprise. He was new and training and took longer than it needed to. I didn’t mind. I don’t think Kid1 minded either. lol She quickly removed the gauze and shoved it in my coat pocket when we walked up to the counter. Yea, in my coat pocket. Nice.
I answered his questions, I signed a paper, we left.
It was nothing. It was easy. It was EASY!
Not once did I feel dizzy. Awesome. Truly awesome.
Back at the car my daughter and I had a nice laugh about cute guys and bloody gauze in my coat pocket :)
Shall I thank those evil genius hackers for giving me the opportunity to conquer one more panic place?
Well, no. But it still felt really awesome.
A Hug in the Kitchen
08 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Marriage Tags: Love, marriage, marriage improvement, Thank You Lord
Years ago, hubby was always sneaking up behind me in the kitchen. I’d get a hug from behind while I was washing dishes. Or I’d get groped while cooking. lol He thought it was great fun. It drove me nuts! And I told him to knock it off many, many times. He didn’t care if the kids were in the room or not and that irritated me even more.
I don’t know exactly when that stopped, but it did. Just like so many other things in our marriage.
Somehow we lost so much over the years. We almost lost each other.
I recently got one of those kinds of hugs in the kitchen.
The first one in a very very very very long time.
It hit me hard. It made me feel so loved. And at the same time the realization that something as simple as a hug in the kitchen meant so much…. well it was overwhelming.
It’s not a very interesting story but I will tell it anyway. He was at the table watching Kid3 play Animal Jam on the computer when I came downstairs that morning. I have a cold & cough that I can’t seem to shake. I was coughing and hacking. Lovely, right?
I went to the cupboard to get a mug to make some tea and he came up behind me. He said “There’s hacky. Good morning.” And hugged me and rested his chin on my shoulder for a minute. I layed my head back on his shoulder and we just stayed there for a moment. I gotta tell you I wanted to jump his bones right then and there. Nice choice of words I know. Words from my teenage years :)
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It’s the little things that mean so much!
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Now hopefully he won’t start groping me in the kitchen again, at least not in front of the kids. They are much older now, they would notice. Ha.
But I promise I will never again tell that man not to hug me. Ever.
No, this isn’t us. We aren’t quite that cute, but it’s a great picture and exactly what I’m talking about :)
THANK YOU LORD for putting us back on the right path.
Thank you for the coffee.
01 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Happy Hubby Moments, Marriage Tags: coffee, gratitude, happy hubby, marriage improvement, Thank You Lord
“Thank you for the coffee.”
“You’re welcome.“
-
Simple. Ordinary.
Insignificant to many.
Oh so awesome to me!
This happened a few days ago and I keep replaying it in my head. That’s how rare and wonderful this is!
I made coffee in the afternoon when I heard him waking up. I assumed he’d want some. I have done this a million times.
That
day
he
said
Thank
You!
Christmas Day was a Good Day
26 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Anxiety / Panic Attacks, Happy Hubby Moments, Health & Happiness, Marriage, Take That Panic Attacks! Tags: anxiety, Christmas, marriage improvement, Thank You Lord
I smile every time I think about it.
I am so relieved!
As I said earlier, the weekend started pretty rough.
But after all that it was nice. Very nice.
On Christmas eve we had some nice family time. We made cookies, we strung popcorn (hadn’t done that in years!), we read the bible together, we just hung out. Hubby went to bed before the kids and I wished he was awake to put out the gifts etc with me after the kids went to bed.
On Christmas morning, I like to take just a few minutes (like 10?) to wake up before the kids rip into the gifts. Usually this is met with harsh words and total irritation from hubby. I put in my contacts, make some tea, and get settled on the couch with my camera. Then I’m ready. It’s not like they have to wait long and I don’t think it’s horrible for me to ask them to wait a few. This year he didn’t mind. This year he reminded them to wait and I didn’t even hear any irritation in his voice. We sat next to each other on the couch. We talked and laughed. It wasn’t tense and terrible. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.
Yes, he still did things like grump and swear about the transformer toy that challenged him. And yes he had some not so lovely moments with his sister at dinner at his mom’s house that afternoon. It’s not like he’s been transformed into some fake happy go lucky guy. But wow what a difference a year makes!
And from the panic attack / anxiety perspective…. Usually I take an ativan before going to these family functions. I didn’t and it was a little uncomfortable at times but it was ok. Like I said, Christmas Day was a Good Day!
I hope everyone had a Merry Merry Christmas!
THANK YOU LORD
“Jesus Christ” by Brand New
26 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Health & Happiness Tags: music, Thank You Lord
I’m loving this today :)
- – - – - – - – - -
“Jesus Christ” by Brand New
Jesus Christ, that’s a pretty face
The kind you’d find on someone I could save
If they don’t put me away
Well, it’ll be a miracle
Do you believe you’re missin’ out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night’s hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won’t know anyone
Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
’cause this problem’s gonna last more than the weekend.
Well, Jesus Christ, I’m not scared to die,
I’m a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?
Do I divide and fall apart?
’cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands
I know you’re coming in the night like a thief
But I’ve had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I’ll know it’s you and that it’s over so I won’t even try
I know you’re coming for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine
O Holy Night was my favorite tonight.
14 Dec 2011 3 Comments
in Love my Kids! Tags: anxiety, ativan, Christmas, event anxiety, holy basil tea, Kids, panic attacks, Thank You Lord
Christmas concert – 7pm
call Grammy to tell her – she’s not home now
supper – pork chops, potatoes, etc – eat by 5 so have time for hw, get ready etc
tulsi tea!!
ativan – take 1 around 2 or 3?
and another by 5:30pm – how early does she have to be there?!
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The concert is over. I am relieved.
Those were my notes from today. It helps me to write it out so I can see the schedule. And yes today I was feeling the ativan. So I planned when to take it. I rarely take 2. I didn’t need to take 2. I’m kinda mad at myself that I did. I just wanted to enjoy it so badly! I wanted tonight to be a success for me in this fight against panic attacks. And at the same time I was sick to death of even thinking about it. I wanted to be numb to it.
It worked. I felt like a normal person sitting there. I still wrote in my notebook. I still played with my camera more than necessary. And it was still hot in there. But I was good.
I even looked around the auditorium and told my kids stories about once upon a time when I went to high school there. It was nice. A few heat flashes here & there but nothing too scary.
I wish I would have fought harder. I wish I had been more determined today to do it without ativan. I didn’t have that in me today. I needed this to be an easy night. I’m not quitting. I just took a break tonight and will resume the fight when I am not so exhausted.
Thank you Lord for beautiful Christmas music :)
And yes, it was actually Christmas music this year! Ha. Not like last year.
O Holy Night was my favorite tonight.
Kid1 plays the clarinet and was right in the front row so we could see her clearly. She really is beautiful. They all dressed in black. The music teacher insists that it is about the music – it is not a fashion show. Guess what? Teenage girls can even make wearing all black fashionable. Oh the neat accessories they wore.
Merry Christmas.
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For more info on Tulsi Tea (Holy Basil Tea) and how it helps anxiety, you can see Jill’s review on PanicFreeMe.com here:
Holy Basil Benefits: Anxiety Relief
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