Feeling Ignored. My ramble.

11/5/10 –
Yesterday he ignored me. Doesn’t bother to even to look up when I walk into the room. Doesn’t bother to even say hello! And no I don’t mean every time. How about after he’s been sleeping all day and wakes up and comes downstairs….. He didn’t even come say Hello – he used to! No, I finally went out to say Hello and he couldn’t be bothered! How about when I come back from getting dd off the bus (rain) and he is sitting at the dining room table. I say something to him about how is he feeling or did he sleep good or something…. get a “Yep.” No actual look or answer from him. Makes me feel like I am just a nuisance to him in his life and he couldn’t care less if I was here or not. That hurts. And that pisses me off. Why? Cuz he is the one that should be worrying about whether or not I want to be here… Yea that’s right. I said it!

So this morning after the kids left for school. I said we should talk this out and get it over with so we don’t have an icky, tense weekend. He says talk about what? He knows of no problem. He has no problem with me. He had no idea all this was going on at all. REALLY? Why is it OK for him to totally ignore me? I am just supposed to accept this as the way it is? I feel lonely. He says he wasn’t acting the way I describe to him. I don’t know what to do. It’s like he’s checked out.

OK so here is my pity party for the day….

Why is marriage SO hard?
Why can’t he just love me as much as I love him?
Why won’t he even try to work on this marriage with me?
Remember the one compliment a day plan? Yea right.
What can’t he just BE NICE?
Why does he have to be so critical about EVERYTHING.
How about saying something positive to me or the kids?!?! Always has to pick. Even when he is kidding, I am sick of it. Perhaps if there were more positive things coming out of his mouth at other times, the kidding would be ok cuz you’d know he was actually kidding and didn’t really thinking you are stupid. I hate constantly being corrected and questioned. What the hell? If he thinks I’m a dumb ass, why did he marry me???

He used to think I was pretty great. I miss that.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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