Hi. It’s Me.

That’s right.  You don’t know me.  And I like it that way.  I want to say what I want to say without being judged and without hurting anyone’s feelings.

What do you need to know about me?  Nothing much.

Here are the fun facts:  I am a woman.  I am 41 years old.  I have been married for almost 18 years and I have 3 children.

Other facts that are not so much fun:  Marriage is HARD.  I am also recovering from Anxiety / Panic Attacks.  Oh yea – I am also a codependent ACOA.  Yep.

This is my outlet.  I hope someone else can relate.

About my marriage – I have not given up.  Complaining about your spouse constantly to close family and friends will not help anyone.  They will get tired of hearing about it.  And they will think bad thoughts about my hubby.  I do love my hubby.  Like I said, I have not given up.

Anxiety Attacks / Panic Attacks – This is year 5 of this adventure.  I am much better now.  I still struggle.  I know many do not understand this and believe it is all in my head.  It’s not.  It is real.  My husband has been kind of supportive but I think he also wonders if maybe I am just nuts.

I did start to journal about these issues.  But honestly, I am a person who likes to have feedback.  So I hope that this can work for me like a journal and maybe I will even find a few friends who can relate to what I am going through.  Perhaps you can give me some tips and advice.  Perhaps you just want to commiserate.  For whatever reason you are here, WELCOME.

disclaimer: typos and grammar errors will occur often!  :)
I am not a professional writer.  That is not my purpose.  Sometimes a girl just needs a safe place to vent.


19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rather not say since this is public
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 08:56:06

    Not in relation to your marriage because I haven’t read enough of your blog to have an opinion. But I know of another situation where the wife keep insisting that she has faith because of the love between them.

    Love was never the issue on the table. The issue was, “Is the relationship healthy?” And I’m not talking about the normal ups and downs of marriage. I’m talking about an extremely unhealthy pattern of codependent behaviors over a decade, extreme lack of things in common. Essentially nothing holding them together accept the acknowledgement that they love each other, and the kids.

    To me hearing Love and Faith with transcend all issues is the epitome of what a really messed up codependent would say.

    Your thoughts?


  2. toughwords
    Jun 20, 2011 @ 11:40:10

    Hi. “Love” is a feeling and it gives people hope. The thing is….. that love needs to be backed up by loving actions. Otherwise it is no good to anyone.


  3. S
    Jul 05, 2011 @ 05:39:06

    hi toughwords, i didn’t know how else to get a hold of you. i couldn’t seem to find an e-mail or anything anywhere. so, i figured this is the best way. i received an e-mail on june 28th that you wanted access to an old blog of mine. i just thought you should know i no longer write under that one, but write under a new one. this one, actually. ha ha. thanks for attempting to stop by though! :)


  4. Rambling Man
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 09:24:14

    I just stumbled across your blog, i think it is great, i have a very similar one myself. it is just for me and a few friends to read. A place where I can go and get thoughts out of my head. I loook forward to reading more of your posts and catching up on your old ones.


  5. toughwords
    Oct 11, 2011 @ 14:11:41

    Nice to meet you Rambling Man :)


  6. KayCee
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 21:36:35

    Love the blog!
    Always good to read about/meet a fellow anxious mom ;) lol
    I feel like I’m reading my own journal entries from the past few months! I have laughed out loud more than once! Sooo many familiar stories! I just got my first pair of glasses ever and your mention of the eye doctor appts cracked me up! I had a panic attack in the back room after being dilated and actually left the office half blind and drove myself home! LOL
    Im still reading..just wanted to check in and tell you to keep it up! :)


  7. Zoe
    Mar 19, 2012 @ 12:35:53

    Hi KayCee. Glad to hear you can relate. I’ve met so many neat people because of this blog. There are a lot more of us anxious moms out there than I ever realized. Sounds like it was not a fun day at the eye doctor! Ha. But I’m glad you can laugh about it now :)


  8. sharon
    Jun 17, 2012 @ 10:01:02

    Hello…I got to your blog when searching for natural anxiety relief for my daughter and myself. LOVE your blog. AND love love love the view from your office. A view like that would help my anxiety. I am a country girl living in the suburbs…long for a pastoral view like that. Anyway…just wanted to let you know.


  9. Zoe
    Jun 17, 2012 @ 11:43:21

    Hi Sharon. Thanks – so glad you like my blog :) If you find something that works well for anxiety please let me know! Thanks!


  10. Anonymous
    Nov 07, 2012 @ 23:03:11

    Thank you for being so honest. I too am a codependent. Just found out in May. This sounds like an excellent way to deal with life (writing your feelings down in blog form). It’s a great concept. I too have marriage problems, and self-esteem issues. I’ve had anxiety in the past and know all to well what you’re going through. I am also a Christian and know that our Saviour loves us very much. It’s really the only thing that keeps me going. I hope you know that you are so greatly loved, even when our earthly relationships fail us.


  11. Zoe
    Nov 09, 2012 @ 09:14:23

    Hello and thank you for the kind words . Blogging has been wonderful for me. You should really try it – its the best kind of free therapy ever! If you do, I’d love to read your story so let me know :)


  12. Kristy
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 00:23:41

    I just typed in, “Why do people hold grudges?” in the search engine and found your blog. I have known for a very long time that I am also a codependent, but never realized just how much of one till I read a book my girlfriend gave me over 15 years ago called “Codependent No More”. And yes, I AM a grudge holder. Partly because I am married to an arrogant, defiant, passive/aggressive bully of a man, and he comes complete with an entire family of people who just let every little thing just roll right off their shoulders and furthermore, have zero sense of right and wrong. And I know that part of the reason I hold these grudges is because 1.I am the ONLY person in this family that gets treated badly. 2.No one in this family of arrogant people can ever admit that they have done anything wrong, let alone apologize, yet they are quick to point it out when I make a mistake. Nor do they talk to each other, tell each other the dirty truth or address the issue when someone does something that is clearly wrong. I have long since decided that it is time for a divorce because I can no longer live in the situation I am in, nor do I want child #2 to continue to be subjected to/influenced by her father’s dysfunctional family. So, I am trying to live day to day, until I can get us out of here. Think I am definately going to sign up and catch up on your blog. Have even been thinking about creating my own lately!


  13. Success Magazine
    Apr 18, 2013 @ 21:53:23

    Hey Zoe. Great blog. Sounds like Hubby could suffer from hyperthyroidism. Simple blood test can confirm this. I suffered with this for 20 years, and was improperly diagnosed/treated for the symptoms. Never knew it was Graves disease. Symptoms are similar to how he acts (always stressed out, not enough sleep, lashing out, etc.) Was so happy to finally get the treatment I needed before it was too late. Good luck with everything.


  14. the invisible woman
    May 09, 2013 @ 13:35:31

    Oh goodness i think i need to ‘talk’ to you!
    Thanks for following my blog, seems we may have a lot in common…


  15. Alycia
    May 11, 2013 @ 22:06:52

    This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward
    to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!


  16. Zoe
    May 13, 2013 @ 09:07:42

    HI. Success Magazine – Thanks for the info – that is something I hadn’t thought of and will definitely be googling that for more info.


  17. Doc
    Jul 15, 2013 @ 04:46:11

    just wanted to say, as a husband trying to figure out…..scratch that, to PERFORM my duties to help in creating a happy marriage, I appreciate you are one of the only blogs I have read (I do have some dedication, as well!) that actually seems to even stress improving marriage as a strong desire. I find that highly noble. So many sites I read to try to understand appear at least mainly focused , repetitively, on “The 815 ways you are covertly abused,” and “IS HE A NARC OF JUST AN A@@?” (and its ok therefore to not mention that you abuse him verbally) .

    Sorry, I just really am sympathetic to a degree, to such bloggers, but you seem to be concerned with getting things going right, not blame or complain or self reassurance. Wow I will get flames for that ;-)


  18. Zoe
    Jul 19, 2013 @ 11:08:10

    Thanks Doc :)


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Blog Stats

  • 66,449 hits
This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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