Time for the annual exam :(

OK.  So women know what exam I am talking about.  Wednesday was my annual gyne exam and physical.  Luckily my family doctor does this for me now.  Last year was my first exam and pap smear since my youngest was born. He is 8 now – so that makes 7 years that I skipped it.  I guess after having what seemed like weekly visits to the OB, I figured I’d paid my dues for a while.  I was thrilled to not have to go back.  I was also a sleep deprived mom of 3 who had other priorities.

So I went Wednesday.  I was proud of myself for actually going to the appointment and not faking sick and canceling it.  ha

I doubt that there are ANY women out there that enjoy this appointment, but let me tell you – I hate it!  Only in the past 18 months or so have I begun to be able to even go to the doctor without having a bunch of anxiety about it for weeks ahead of time.  I hate being closed in places.  And the small little rooms at the Drs office are not my favorite place to be.  One problem I have with my anxiety is that I am always scoping out the exits where ever I am so I have an escape route if I need one.  Well being in a tiny room is bad enough.  Having a pap smear in that tiny room is worse.  Being naked in a tiny room is even worse.  Being stuck on that table with your feet in stirrups – even worse that that.  Yes, there is an exit.  But what are you going to do?  Run out wearing that tiny robe that covers nothing?

My doctor is wonderful.  She really is.  She has helped me tremendously with my anxiety attacks.  She is very understanding and helpful and not at all judgmental.  She is also younger, thinner, and blonde.   Just saying.

Before I left that day, the exam was taken care of, I got an unplanned flu shot and did unplanned blood work.  Some things are better unplanned.  If you don’t expect them, you can’t stress about them.  I’m so thrilled all of those things are taken care of for another year!

I did take an ativan that morning in preparation for this appointment.  These days that is what works for me.  It has been worse in the past and I have been on other meds.  But for now, Ativan as needed gets me though.  I’m still dreaming of the day that they invent a magic pill that works as well as paxil but doesn’t make you fat.  A girl can dream…..

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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