He went to therapy this morning.

Physical therapy that is.  He has had back pain (for years) and shoulder/neck pain for months.  A few weeks ago he went to the doctor because I made him an appointment and threw a fit.  They did a neck xray and suggested 6 weeks of physical therapy.  He resisted.  I set it up anyway.  Do I have that right?  I don’t know but I did it.   This man is a real tough guy.  He does not complain about aches and pains unless they are so very real that I would be dead already if I had them.  He “sucks it up”  He thinks that is what real men do.  I want him to feel better.  I want to take care of him.  I want him to be happier.  So I set up therapy.  It may help.  It might not help.

Last night he told me he was NOT going.  This was during our fight about who knows what.  I yelled at him that YES HE WAS!  Well I was very surprised that he went this morning.  I said nothing to him about it except “Do you have your insurance card?” as he was walking out the door.  I got no goodbye.  I got no kiss goodbye.  We always say goodbye with a kiss in this house.  So that is a big deal.  That hurt a bit but he was clearly that ticked.

While he was gone I sat there thinking that he hated me.  He really hates me this time.  But at least he was getting some help for his pain.  When he came home, I walked slowly to the kitchen to see him.   Not sure exactly what to say, and wondering if he would even answer me, I said “Did you hate it?”  He said no.  Relief that he answered me!  I said “Do you hate me for making you go?”  You would think I would pay attention to his answer.  But honestly right now I can’t remember what he said.  I think maybe he just ignored the question.  He did start talking and told me all about the shock therapy and the humongous glorious heating pad they put on his neck.  He told me how he felt so relaxed he almost fell asleep.

His next appt is on Friday.  He still thinks it is stupid.  He doesn’t think it will help.  But at least he is trying it.  I pray that he does actually go back on Friday.

Well at least we are talking to each other again.  And in a civil way.  Nothing over the top or lovey dovey mind you.  But there are words.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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