Parent Visitation Day

Love the theory.  Love going to see the place my kids spend so much of their time.  It’s about them.  It’s not about me.  Unfortunately I have to remind myself of this constantly because of these darned panic attacks!  This day is not nearly as much fun as it should be.

Oh, I can do it and it will be fine.  I get through it every year and it gets easier every year.  With panic attacks, its all a  cycle.  If you have a bad experience in a location, it takes a long time to build up confidence and conquer that situation again.  I hate what these attacks have done to me.  This should just be an enjoyable day.  Not a stressful one.  Instead I am sitting here calculating when the best time to take my ativan would be.  So that it is working its hardest when I arrive at the school.  But I can;t take it too early because it needs to last until I have visited both kids.

Honestly, I feel pretty good about today.  I haven’t been stressing about it too much this year.  It’s gonna be a good day.  I get to go see the beautiful proud faces of my kids today.  Kid2’s class is putting on a play for the parents during reading.  Kid3 was less clear about what they may actually be doing.  He said in math they do “stuff, I dunno.”    So I am gonna fake it till I make it today and focus on my kids.

This day is about them :)

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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