I said the D word out loud – part 2.

I said the D word out loud.  And we are still here.

What I said: I am miserable.  I don’t like how you treat me.  I want to be married to someone who likes me.  I want to be married to a person who is happy.  I am really thinking that maybe we should just get a divorce.
Or something like that – it was actually much longer and I was crying as soon as the words came out of my mouth.

What I wanted: In my dreams, he says ” Oh no honey, I love you so much!  I am so sorry!  I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work!”   I wanted him to finally understand how serious I am about this and how truly unhappy I have been in this marriage.  I wanted him to want to work on our marriage with me.
Yea, right.

What I thought he would do: He would get angry.  He would go straight into jerk mode and tell me to just get out.  And say that he will fight me for the kids and tell me how horrible a wife and mother I am.  He would yell and scream and throw away my stuff.
I was ready for the worst.  I didn’t want to face this, but I could not live this way any longer.

What he did: At first he just looked annoyed.  Then he figured out I was serious.  I even told him what I expected him to do but that I didn’t care cuz something had to give.  He said something to the effect that he still didn’t even see what the problem was.  He was just fine.  I said It’s not all about you!  No wonder you’re happy!  I have been trying everything I can think of to make you happy and to make this work!  What have YOU tried?  What do you ever do for me??  I am miserable and I have been telling you that for a very long time!  So then we calmed down a little and did the whole  Do you want to stay together?  Do you love me?  Do you want to get divorced?  Do you think we can really make each other happy? thing.  He kept saying yes we can make it.  Yes he loves me.  We are just very different people, so it’s hard.

He was sweet.  He was loving.  He got it.  He finally heard me. He did care.  He does want to make it right.  He will try.  He will work on our marriage with me. 

Is that your final answer?

So should we stay together?
He said yes.  I asked him if he was sure way too many times.

I said yes BUT…
Sorry to say my answer was not a yes or no.  It was conditional.  I said I would love it if we could make this work BUT I did not want to live the rest of my life this way so even though I don’t WANT a divorce, things have to change or I’m not staying.

I didn’t say it like I was giving him an ultimatum.  I was just giving him the facts.  Sad, sad facts.

So, I said the D word out loud and we are still here.

I’m sure the struggle isn’t over.  I’m sure we won’t have a fairy-tale marriage overnight.

But I pray, oh , how I pray, that he will be there for me this time.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jen
    Dec 07, 2010 @ 09:13:48

    Wow, keep us posted. Jerk mode? Been there, done that.


  2. Judi
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 15:21:59

    Isn’t it sad that you have to get to the point of discussing divorce before they take you seriously. Last fight we had it sort of came up….I said something like “well if that is what you think then maybe we shouldn’t be married!” I think that he finally realized that this is serious!


  3. Zoe
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 09:22:22

    I hope he takes it seriously for real and works on it with you :)


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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