Busy Week – Lord, Help me to not Panic!

This is a busy week!  So on top of the other problems going on here at my house we have so much to do!  It’s hard to stay focused!

Today I was just feeling so very overwhelmed that I took 1/2 an ativan and laid down on the couch.  My plan was to lay there until my mind stopped racing.  I fell asleep and woke up at 1:00!  O my!  I had slept 3 hours!  Yay for my body and I did feel better.  But now I was even more behind!

Praying I can remain panic attack free this week:

Christmas concert for Kid1 in the VERY hot & crowded school auditorium. Will be writing in my little notebook, playing with my camera and taking along the flip video recorder too – all in the name of DISTRACTION please!  Deep breaths!  This one is the one I am dreading the most!  I don’t want to dread it – I want to look forward to it like most people in this world!  Please God help me to conquer these panic attacks!

Dinner with a large ladies group. Normally I skip these events but it is in honor of  a very dear friend who just retired from her volunteer position after many years… and I just really need to go for her.  This will be fun.  I will stress a little before I get there but I think will have a good time once there.  (Pray!)

Kid2’s first ever league basketball game. She is so extremely nervous – which makes me more nervous!  “It’s about her.  It’s not about me.  Look how awesome she is.  I can do this for her. ”  Something like that will be the motto for the night.  I will repeat this over and over and I will get through this.   Sitting in crowded bleachers has been a nightmare for me in the past :(  I need to be strong for her.  I want to raise confident children.  I have hidden my anxiety attacks very well so far.  They (kids) do not know about them.  When it was obvious that something was wrong, I have told them I was having a heat flash.  Ha!  It works! I don’t ever want them to know about my panic attacks.  I don’t want to pass it on to them!

I truly believe that panic/anxiety levels have a lot to do with hormone levels.  I don’t think I’ve seen that anywhere in the official studies yet, but I believe it to be true!  This is an anxious week for me.  And even if I was just at home most nights this week, I would still be feeling very edgy.  It will be hard to go these places.  But I will make it.  I will be ok.  None of these events are about me.  I will support my kids and be a good friend.   I can do it!   Some day I will feel so comfortable in crowded places!  I can hardly wait!  :)

(And yes, ativan will help me.  I am not ashamed.  I am putting to good & responsible use a tool I have found that helps me live my life!)

THANK YOU LORD for ativan . (ha!)    And for the verse I have hidden in my heart that I will repeat over and over this week.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Phillipians 4:13


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. momof2
    Dec 08, 2010 @ 09:20:31

    I suffer from panic attacks too. School events can be hard. I take wellbutroin and that helps me. Christmastime is hard every year. I wish you luck at the concert.


  2. ME
    Dec 08, 2010 @ 10:02:20

    Have you ever tried benedryl for panic attacks? People say it helps?


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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