Communication Breakdown at Breakfast

This morning hubby was reheating some fried potatoes and cabbage for breakfast and asked me if I wanted some.  Sure.  After they had been sizzling a while, I walked over and looked at them and said I want some egg with mine, should I get another pan or are they about done?  I love to mix all sorts of stuff in with my scrambled eggs.  I knew this was not his plan, and knew it may irritate him because he was already in a mood.  But you know what?  I sat there and thought to myself – Gee, some eggs with that would be yummy – yea, but if you change his plan he will be even more irritated – yea, but that’s ridiculous! – I’m really afraid to make myself some eggs for breakfast?? – that’s not right – say you’re gonna have eggs too – say it out loud!!

So I said it out loud.  He didn’t answer my question about the pan.  He got a plate out of the cupboard, slammed the cupboard door, put a bunch of potatoes etc on his plate and put it in the microwave.  This made room in the pan for my egg I guess.  Apparently they were not done.  ha. I knew he would react something like that.  I think it is insane.  I really do.  Why would anyone act like that?  Why wouldn’t you just say, yea, they’re not done yet, get another pan.  Anyway, I handled it very well.  I did not say a word to him.  I wanted to just bust out laughing actually.  I had my back to him as he sat at the counter eating his nuked potatoes & cabbage.  I was smiling big.  lol  I really was.  Then I was in his way when I made my toast too.

We had a bunch of kids at our house.  My sister’s 4 kids had spent the night and it was loud and chaotic.  They had already eaten and were blasting each other with nerf guns.  This probably helped me to not just yell at him for being ridiculous.  Anyway, I thought and thought about what I could possibly say to him that would make it clear that I did not like or deserve his reaction and it really didn’t even need to be an issue in the first place.

I sat down next to him and we ate in silence for a few minutes.  Then I said “I did not ask you to do that. And I did not expect you to do that.  I wanted eggs too and it should not have had any effect on you at all.  You could have just told me you weren’t done with the pan.”

I think that he felt inconvenienced because he felt like he had to give me the pan and his breakfast wasn’t even hot yet.  Why he would jump right to that I have no idea.  I did not insist he give me the pan.  I am not forceful and bossy.  And for heavens sake I could get out another pan.  The only reason I didn’t do that in the first place is because it is an awesome egg pan – they don’t stick :)  I would have happily waited.  They were sizzling and looked hot to me!  The whole thing seems insane.  Why can’t he communicate or just talk through things like a normal person??  Normal people do that right?  It’s like he is already so irritated that EVERY little things sets him off.

You know what his response was?  “Yea.  Ok.”  And it was sincere, not sarcastic.  And then we were back to blabbing about the day.

His response gives me hope.

In the past I would have very loudly stood up for myself.  Today I did it calmly and rationally and quietly.

In the past he would have refused to acknowledge that I even said anything and huffed out as soon as he had finished eating.  Or he would have said something very smart-ass and hurtful.

I look forward to the next communication challenge.  Bring it on.

So after all this happened and we talked a while I burst out laughing.  I couldn’t help it.  He wanted to know what was so funny.  I said “You know when you were in a huff when I was making my toast and you grabbed your coffee cup and moved over here?”  He said “Yea”.  I said “Well I thought that was my coffee cup and I had just taken a big drink out of it!”  I was laughing hysterically.  And he laughed too :)

THANK YOU LORD that we can still laugh together.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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