Five Love Languages – Words of Affirmation Please

Words of affirmation are my love language. (Five Love Languages book)

This has been one of our biggest problems.  He uses his words so harshly, it cuts like a knife.  We read this book last May.  There is a suggestion in the book to give one compliment a day to a person whose love language is words of affirmation.  He did that for a few weeks.  It has long been forgotten now.  But it was wonderful.  Even though I knew he felt silly, and like it was corny, I still loved it!

Add a hint of Receiving Gifts and that’s me.  Not receiving gifts because I am materialistic.  I’m not.  It is truly the thought that counts.  But it is important because then I know he was thinking of me and made an effort and wanted to do something nice for me.  To me that feels the same as words of affirmation.

He thinks I should “just know” how he feels.  I don’t.  I need reassurance.  That is hard for him.  And annoying.

His love languages are Quality Time & Physical Touch.

Time is a hard one.  Life is so busy!  I know that is no excuse.  But geesh.  I feel so behind in just about everything! Physical touch is something I know is important to him.  That has always been clear.  :)

There is a self-assessment quiz at the Five Love Languages website so you can find out what your love language is.  Or you can use the widget in my previous post.

Five Love Languages Descriptions from

  • Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

  • Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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