Parent- Teacher Conference Time Again

Yes, again.  Ugh.  Wish this wasn’t a pain in my rear.  But it is.

Panic attacks suck.  True that.  lol

I am actually not worried about the conferences for Kids2 & 3 at the elementary school.  I think I have finally conquered those events.  I am not feeling panicked at all about those.  People who have read here before know that I SUFFER from panic attacks at these types of events.  I am getting much better and am actually not freaking about it right now.  And conferences are tomorrow so yay me.  This used to work me up for weeks in advance.

But of course we have a new one thrown into the mix.  And it is worrying me a bit.  Our Jr High school has “Team Conferences” for 7th  & 8th graders.  That means I need to go before the firing squad for Kid1.  Yep, that’s how it feels.  I did not go to the one in the fall.  I can rationalize and say that I did not go because I had already been talking to her teachers via email and there was no need for me to go in also.  But if I’m being completely honest here, I did not want to go AT ALL because the thought of having a “Team Conference” with all of her teachers freaked me out.  lol

(Quite a few other parents did not go to these either because it sounded so intimidating.  One of my friends, who also happens to be a 4th grade teacher said that sounded horrible and came up with the ‘firing squad” comparison.  Her kids are not in high school yet so she didn’t have to deal with it yet, but hated the sound of it too.  And she is a teacher and knows these people! )

Anyway, tomorrow at 2pm I will be facing the “team”.  Yikes.  Kid1 is having some trouble and I do need to go.  I would feel horrible for not going just because I’m nuts.  That doesn’t help her and she needs help.  I’m hoping to be able to setup a tutor for math while I’m there.  It is only a 15 minute time slot so it will not kill me.  (Flylady says you can do anything for 15 minutes! ) Honestly I don’t know how much you can really accomplish in 15 minutes, with 4 different teachers!  And I think that is stupid.  Why waste everyone’s time when really I just need to talk to the math & science teachers.  How does everyone being involved in the conversation help?  I dunno.  Hopefully it will be better than I expect.  Perhaps this has worked well for them in the past.  Who knows.  I think it sounds yucky and intimidating and it is why many parents don’t go at all.

Hubby may or not be going.  We’ll see.  He says he is.  But the time is not really ideal and he may be asleep.  Usually we are able to get morning appointments and we go before he goes to sleep.  (He works nights.)  But this is right in the middle of his sleep time so we’ll see.  I think he would probably be happy to get out if it and he has the perfect excuse.

Not sure if it would be better or worse with him there.  Kid1’s conference is giving me anxiety already.  But sometimes it is easier to “fake it till you make it” without him there.  I usually feel more confident facing these things on my own.  I feel self-conscious about my anxiety.  I mean I know it’s stupid and makes no sense.  I think when I am on my own, I can put on a better “act”.  Not sure if anyone will know what I mean here.  I can pretend it doesn’t bother me at all.  I pretend I am just fine and sometimes I even kinda cop an attitude.  Ha!  It helps me deal with it.  And if hubby is there…. he knows I am struggling.  He is watching me to see how I am reacting.  He is a little worried that I may freak and make him go himself.  And it gives me an out.  So sometimes I feel stronger on my own.  Know what I mean?

(Side note: I have struggled in the past with highways, just a little.  In those cases I definitely wanted another adult with me.  I once pulled over to the side of a very busy exit ramp in Fort Myers, Florida.  My friend was shocked – how could I pull over right there! she wanted to know.  We had just very slowly made our way across a very long bridge, traffic was all backed up and I was freaking out!  But I also had 5 kids in the car so I was not able to actually freak out.  I am proud of myself for getting us across that bridge safely without losing my mind.  But as soon as I saw an opportunity, I pulled over.  The safety of my passengers was more important than me winning the panic battle that day.  So sometimes, yea, you need someone there to back you up.  Sometimes you need a “safe” person.  Other times, I am stronger on my own.  )

Pray for me tomorrow please :)

THANK YOU LORD for this blog where I can vent and work out my feelings.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trish
    Mar 30, 2011 @ 21:19:55

    Good Luck tomorrow!! Will be thinking and sending positive thoughts your way!!

    Reply

  2. toughwords
    Mar 31, 2011 @ 10:59:23

    Thanks Trish!

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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