And then we went to Red Lobster.

Yesterday after the teacher conferences my daughters & I went shopping and to dinner. It was a nice day. Very.

And we even went to Red Lobster. I have been to very few restaurants since I began having panic attacks. I avoid it whenever possible. Red Lobster used to be one of my favorite restaurants. I used to go there about once a week with my Gram before she died. (Cajun Salmon!) We went yesterday and I can honestly say that was the first time I had been there in 4 years. Yep. 4 years. And all because of these stupid panic attacks. Of course my excuse for not ever wanting to go there when the kids or hubby or my sisters want to is that we need to save money. So we just grab a burger or something from McD’s or BK instead. And that is legit but it’s not the real reason. Lately I have been thinking about this a lot and I think it is the next thing on my list that I need to work on. I have fought back hard and am winning again in many other situations now.
Grocery Stores
WALMART (huge!)
Mall
Doctors Office
Basketball games (Bleachers!)
Football games (More Bleachers!)
Highways
the list goes on….

I am not completely relaxed and comfortable in all of theses situations. Not by a long shot. But I can do them now. Sometimes with ativan. Sometimes not. Stores I can do just fine now. I worked hard on that. Most of the times driving is no longer a problem. Bleachers & Auditoriums are still the worst. Some days are better than others.

But restaurants I just avoided as much as I could or took a whole ativan before I went, prayed for the best, HATED it and worked myself all up. So, that’s the next step. I’m going to make it a priority. Guess that means I get to go out to eat a bunch now. Yay! That’s supposed to be a treat right?

Yesterday went very well at Red Lobster. Yes, I had ativan before the conferences. I took that around 12:45. We got to Red Lobster around 4:30. I honestly don’t know how much it would have still been in my system then. But I was feeling confident and I wanted to try it. Kid2 was not happy about it which surprised me. She doesn’t know about my panic attacks. All she knew was that she would rather shop than waste time eating. But I really wanted to try it while I was feeling confident so we did and I was absolutely fine! There was only one time when a little “what if?” thinking popped into my head – it started getting crowded in there when we were almost finished and some thoughts flashed through my head. But that was it. No heat flashes. No excuses to go to the bathroom so I could do deep breathing. No hurried exits. Nope. It was great.

And it will keep getting better.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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