I am not afraid anymore.

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. ”
Bill Cosby

What do I want?  Peace.  Happiness.  Harmony in my home.  A husband who loves & appreciates me.  Respect.  The same things most people want I’m sure.  Things that have eluded me.

I am not afraid.  I used to tip toe around this place.  Trying to keep the peace.  No more.  If hubby is not being nice.  I tell him so.  I used to be afraid.  Afraid of pissing him off yet again.  I was afraid to make him to mad.  Oh he never physically hurt me, but his words cut like a knife.  I was so easily torn down.  And it wasn’t just hubby.  I am a people pleaser.  I did it to myself.  I always tried to do what I was supposed to do.  Whether I wanted to or not.  What a sucky way to live.  Now, I stand up for me.  I say what I think and I make no apologies.  No, I am not mean.  That’s not what I am saying.  I am saying that I am just being ME.  Finally.  I put my opinions out there and I make my own plans.  Unfortunately I still have to work at it.  It is a process.  But I am getting better at it!

I love the quote above.  Love it.  “It” is so many things in my life.  So many.  I definitely want it more than I am afraid of it!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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