I hate it when you go through these spells.

I’m so mad right now.

It’s like I can’t talk to the man about anything.  For the past week he has been just barking about everything and being loud and confrontational.  It’ s like the jerk has returned.  I’m not surprised I guess.  People just don’t morph overnight.  But I am disappointed.

I don’t know if he is testing me or is he is just finally pissed that I expect him to “change”.  (I picture this going through his mind… How dare she ask me to change!  I am perfect after all! She is the one with the problem, not me!)  No, he didn’t say that.  But I imagine he would if he would ever bother to talk about feelings & relationships etc.  Oh we talk.  About our days, about stuff people do & things that are going on.  But we rarely talk about real stuff.  And when we do it’s because I make a fuss and pretty much force him to.  And the whole time he sits there complaining about how I am making a big deal of something.

Today the things that really pissed me off was when he said “I hate it when you go through these spells.”

Ugh.  So what “spell” am I going through now?  Well, I bought paint 8 months ago for him to paint the stairway.  I had picked the color, he said go buy the paint.  I bought the paint, and that was the end of it.  Then winter gave him a great excuse.  “It has to be warm when you paint so it dries right”  I said “It is warm in our house, it’ll be fine. ”   He said “It’s too cold to open the doors for ventilation.”  I said “Fine.”  I mean whatever, right?  It’s been how many bleeping years already.

Why don’t I do it myself you ask?  Well because it is the stairway.  I have no idea how to get that high ceiling.  Alright so I have an idea, it involves creating some sort of plank to walk on with a board and a ladder.  And no, a long pole on the paint roller won’t work.  The job may require that too, but the plank is still necessary.  I have painted many rooms in my life.  I don’t like to do it, but I am capable.  That’s not the point.  The point is that he said he would do it.

Today I brought it up again.  First time in many months.  I said something about it getting warmer now, it’d be the perfect time to do it.  He got mad.  I’ll do it when I get to it he said.  Well then I said if he really didn’t want to do it, we should just hire someone.  It’s not a big area, it probably wouldn’t cost too much.  That made him mad.  It’s like it would be an insult to his manhood if another man did some work on his house.  That’s retarded.  Now if I try REAL hard I can kinda see his point of view.  I disagree, but I can try to understand it.

The thing is, I was not mad at him when I brought this up.  I was trying to get this project done and in my mind the solution was to just hire someone and give him an out.  Apparently this insulted him.  I promise that was not…

OK – Right here, right now – in the middle of me typing this post, he came into the room and stood beside me and said he was ready to give me a hug.  LOL  What?  He said, “See –  it pays to just leave me alone awhile.”  He said he knows I like to hug & makeup after we have a disagreement.  omg.  So we hugged.  I said “I was just trying to give you an out.”  He said he knows, but instead it felt like a punch in the gut.  He was already feeling guilty for not doing it.  Then kid3 ran in the room wanting his dad to see his latest lego creation and the moment was over.  But it was a nice moment.

So back to what I was saying before.  My intention was not to make him feel bad.  My intention is to get the stairway painted.  We have been in this house for 12 years after all and it has never had more than primer on the wall!

If he would put as much time & effort in to this house as he did his tractor projects……wow – that would be awesome!  He is not lazy.  This house is just not his priority.  And that is fine.  But that means he has to be OK with me getting things done without his help.  I don’t get why that wouldn’t make him jump for joy!  I just wish he could get it through his head that IT IS OK to hire people to do stuff you don’t want to do.  It actually benefits them you know?  Some people make a living painting.

And I wish we could have an actual adult conversation where it is ok to disagree. 


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aaron
    Apr 10, 2011 @ 18:21:24

    New to reading your blog… Anyway I’d do a backflip if my wife suggested hiring someone to paint. I’ll can fix most anything that needs to be fixed, and enjoy doing so, but I hate painting.


  2. toughwords
    Apr 11, 2011 @ 10:30:42

    Hi Aaron. I have to say that I never even thought about a guy reading this. lol Thanks for the comment.


  3. Aaron
    Apr 12, 2011 @ 11:01:38

    Haha, no problem. I’ll bet more guys read this than you realize. I am out of work for a couple weeks, so I am exploring blogs. Have a great day.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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