Why doesn’t he try harder?

Why doesn’t he even try to be an awesome husband?  Why?

He gets a new junk tractor, he researches it, he learns all about it.  He searches high & low for the perfect parts, finds exactly what he needs to make it run perfectly.  He works & works on it until it is restored.  It is his pride & joy.

Why can’t our marriage get even 1/4 of that attention??

Try to get him to read a relationship book….  not gonna happen.  A parts manual from the 70s?  Oh yea!

Ask him for some of his precious time?  Nope, he’s too busy.

Is he at all concerned what his wife thinks about anything?  Nope.

Does he care if he just hurt her feeling by ditching her once again?  Nope.

Why not?


My sister and her hubby recently went through a hard time.  They are doing wonderfully now.  Know what her hubby’s new philosophy is?  He says it is his job to make her happy.  Imagine that.  And no, he doesn’t just kiss her butt.  And no she doesn’t always get her way.  He hasn’t just become a doormat.  But he gets it now.  And it works because she believes it is her job also to make him happy.

I have tried that for many years.  Yea, I figured it I could just do the right things – who knows what that may be, that he would be happy.  I figured his happiness depended on my actions.  That was wrong.  He is just a miserable person and no matter what I do, it will not just magically make him happy.  Am I saying he has NEVER tried to make me happy?  No, we’ve had our moments.  Years even, when we were happy.  But now I don’t think he really cares.  He can’t be bothered.  It was starting to get better.  He has been nicer for sure.  This morning we had a fight.  I think it is pretty clear that the only reason we are still here is because of the kids.  You know, when I asked him to move out on 12/27/10 – if we didn’t have kids that we have built this whole home & family & life with here – I would have just moved out and we would definitely be in a different place now.  With kids, I can’t just go.  I need a real place to go.  I can’t just go crash on my sisters couch.  It’s bigger than that.   And to be blunt, I don’t have the money.  And I don’t want to just uproot them from their lives.  We have plans for this house – you know – painting things, building a back porch, etc – right now I feel like what is the point?  I won’t be here forever anyway.

I need this to be done.  Fixed or bust.  You know?  I am still holding on unfortunately.  Waiting for him to get it.  Problem is that I don’t think he really will get it until I am gone.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Apr 18, 2011 @ 14:05:15

    A-men! I totally relate to many points you are making in this post (except that I don’t have kids with my husband). This was so well put.

    I wish I had some wisdom to offer but I don’t. I just hope you find peace and moments of joy for yourself even amidst the struggle.


  2. alma
    Aug 30, 2011 @ 21:00:01

    Honestly im going through the same problem and I dont know how to fix it. I have a kid with him and its not easy without money to grab my stuff and go. I love him so much and I ask for the same attention, love, care, detail. He hangs out with his friends 24-7 but when i ask him to hang out he says “come on we live together”. I dont know what to do. I try talking to him about how I feel and it always leads to an agrgument. So today I tried to write him a letter thinking maybe that can open his eyes and realize im hurt. No way did that work. Im looking for an answer in why guys are like this!!!!


  3. toughwords
    Oct 11, 2011 @ 21:29:00

    How is it going Alma? Haven’t heard fro you in a while.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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