We are divided.

We hardly ever go to the movies.  Mainly because it is ridiculous how much it costs.  All my kids love the Diary of a Wimpy Kid Books.  The movie has been out for a while and I saw that the theater finally is running at the “bargain price” time.  I thought it would be a fun surprise for them.  So we picked them up from school and headed to the movies.

All of us together.  Hubby too.  I am sorry to tell you that it actually was kinda weird – all of us going somewhere together – in the same car…..  So many times we drive separately.  We almost did today because I was thinking of stopping at my sister’s house after the movie.  She had other plans so that didn’t happen.  I had a list of a few places I wanted to stop and he said it was fine with him, so we all went in the same car….  I hate that it felt weird to be going somewhere together – the whole family.  As I am typing this, I am trying to remember when we did that last….

We do a lot of “divide and conquer” parenting I guess.  We spend tons of time together of course at home.

It hasn’t always been like this.  When the kids were younger we did things together more, as a family unit.  Now life is busier, with more errands and chauffeuring to do – we divide and conquer.  We take turns dropping off and picking up for sports practices, etc.  One of us stops at the store when we are out chauffeuring the kids around.  He drives to work, auctions, tractor shows, etc.  I don’t usually go to auctions or tractor shows with him.  Just every once in a while.  When I go visit family & friends, he usually doesn’t go.  Same for when the kids & I go geocaching or walking or biking on the trail.  Wow – we really have the DIVIDED part figured out don’t we?

What a sad realization!  It is sad when you feel uncomfortable riding in the same car as your hubby, because it has been like forever since we did that!  Weird too right??

Where was the last place we all went together?

Parent/Teacher conferences – yes, but we drove separately because me & my girls were going shopping afterward and the boys came home.  So it doesn’t count.

Easter Dinner at his mom’s – yes but that is silly, they live across the field from us.  It takes like 2 minutes in the car.  We only drove because we had food to carry and it was raining.  I don’t think that counts.

Now I know we all went together to the Christmas concert at the school in December……O my – I’m gonna have to look at the calendar – certainly there is a time more recent than that!?!?!?

It’s really strange to notice this now.  I guess it makes sense – it saves time when dropping off kids etc.  But really, I’m sure it is also because we couldn’t stand each other at all for so long.  I’ll admit I love driving places separately.  I don’t have to deal with his crap.  There – I said it.  Ah…  Kid2’s basketball games, that’s probably the last place we went together in the same car.  And about half of those, we drove to separately. 

Back to our trip to the movies…..

The night did not really go as I expected.  I guess I had stars in my eyes or something.  I was feeling gushy about the fact that we were all going together.  I pictured hubby & I walking in to the movies, hand-in-hand, with our happy kids around us.  I pictured us laughing together about the silly kids movie we were watching.  I pictured us making memories tonight.  Obviously it wasn’t a date cuz the kids were with us.  But still, I was feeling gushy about it.

Well that was a bust.  We started walking into the theater and hubby decided to go back and move the car.  We walked to the lobby and waited for him there.  We paid, went in, found the movie and we all filed in, him first, then the kids, then me.  And that is how we sat.  We didn’t even sit next to each other.  He looked annoyed down at the other end of the row.  Irritated.  Not sure why but he was in some kind of mood.  The old me would have said “Oh hubby what’s wrong?!??” .  The new me?  Nope.  But I will admit I was pissed that first of all he hadn’t even considered wanting to sit next to me, and second, he was down there acting pissed at the world.

5 minutes into the movie he was asleep.  Ah yes, he only had 4 hours of sleep today.  That might explain the irritability :)  So I am happy that he participated in our family event even though he needed to be sleeping.  Then the kids chose Long John Silver’s as the place we ate dinner.  There are 5 people in my family.  Booths seat 4 people.  We all fit when they were smaller, not now.  So we didn’t even sit at the same table.  Whatever right?  Yea, by then I had figured out it was not gonna happen as I imagined it at all.  Then we left, I had 3 stops to make.  Hubby, who had been driving, decided to sit in the back seat, recline and sleep while we made our stops.  He now wished he had driven separately.  Kinda suckish.  But whatever right?  It’s a start.  I am going to be more aware of this in the future.  I don’t want to feel uncomfortable going somewhere in the same vehicle as my husband.  That is just so weird.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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