Imagined Anger

I am angry at my hubby for something he never even did.

People have always told me I am creative and have a good imagination.  Well, add that to overactive hormones and being an “emotional” person – not a good combination.  I often imagine scenarios in my head.  I’m sure other lots of people do that right? Anyway, I am pissed at him for something I imagined him doing.  He never did it.  I know I am nuts.

This weekend the baseball games started.  My son’s team won and we immediately heard complaints about the team being “stacked.”  Ugh.  There was so much drama last year because of that.  And to be honest, we had an awesome team last year.  Better than the other little league teams we played.  We kicked butt.  It probably was “stacked”.  This year though, no way.  Coaches pitch in this league.  These are little kids.  The kid that plays at the pitchers mound is awesome.  Let’s call him Greg.   My son plays first.  Those two have a good rhythm.   Tiny little boys barely hit the ball, Greg runs and gets it and throws it to first.  Greg has great aim.  My son can catch.  Out.  Out.  Out.  This equals angry parents.  lol  Not that it really matters either.  They still go through the entire batting order.  Outs don’t even count.  The score isn’t even officially kept.  We all know the score, but it is not official, and it is not up on the score board.  (Oh – and my son hit a triple!  Yay!  His best hit ever!)

Anyway, hubby got ticked when he heard one parent in particular complaining about the team being stacked.  She is just annoying anyway.  It bugged him a lot.  Last night he told me I should get on facebook and post something about the teams not being stacked and how the parents are bad sports and they just need to get over it.  He was angry.  He said they were lucky he wasn’t on facebook.  Ha.  He has always hated facebook.  Well, obviously I did not post anything.

So this morning while I was on the treadmill (4 days in a row thank you very much!) I was listening to my ipod like usual.  But apparently I need some new songs cuz my mind wandered to this whole thing where I imagined that my hubby logged into my facebook account.  And of course posted nasty stuff about this lady, using nasty words and just being hateful.  In my imagined story, I found out when my sister called me to find out what my problem was.  Of course hubby and I had it out and I then posted on facebook that my account had been hacked by an angry person.  And that yes, we were divorcing. And that I had not intended to announce it to the world this way, but of course I never expected him to use my fb account to spew his hatred to the world either.  End of the imagined story.

And now I am mad at him!

I need a shrink.  They would dissect this for me.  They would probably tell me I don’t trust him to stay nice.  They would probably tell me that I worry about how his anger reflects on me.  They would probably tell me that I still fully expect my marriage to end in divorce.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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