The panic monster almost won this morning.

So much for my new-found confidence  :(  This week is gonna be a big struggle for me – fighting back against these panic attacks.  It wears me out.  This morning I let it get the better of me.  I am mad at myself for that.

We have a busy week ahead of us.  There are only 8 days left of school.

This week there are 3 awards assemblies to attend and a band concert.    There are other things too – but these are the ones on my mind.  There may only actually be 2 awards assemblies, I am not sure how the high school does it, Kid1 seems to think that the assembly is just for students.  No idea.  Sorry to say that would be fine with me!

So I started this busy week with  my head spinning.  My anxiety was through the roof this morning.  I guess just thinking about it all put me over the edge.  So many of these things this week are panic attack – inducing situations!  Deep breath…..  I did not have a full blown panic attack today.  No.  My mind just would not stop.  It is so ridiculous.  Every possible scenario was racing through my mind.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to cry.  I did all of this in my head, not out loud.  On the outside I just looked a little grumpy I guess.  Hubby said I should go back to bed.  So I did.  I took 1/2 an ativan and went to bed.  Woke about about 3 hours later, very grateful to have a job with flexible hours.  I will need to work late tonight now.  That’s ok.  I would not have been productive this morning anyway – that’s for sure!  (Kid 3 has a  baseball game at 7:45 tonight.  Who schedules 2nd graders to play a game that starts at 7:45 pm on a school night?!)

And of course the weather is cooperating this week.  Not.  Supposed to be HOT all week.  And rainy.  Which means humid and sticky and hot.  Boo hoooooo.  Yea, I’m whining.  Another deep breath.  Nothing makes a stressful situation worse than knowing you will be sitting there sweating like a pig.  And humidity means it will be hard to breath.  See, I am thinking about this WAY TOO MUCH  today.

I am making it worse than it is.

Tomorrow I will feel silly for having stressed about it today.

OK.  I can do this.

One day at a time.  One event at a time.  I can do it.  Yes, I can.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thisbrokenhearthashope
    May 23, 2011 @ 20:59:59

    I hope you make it through this week with as little anxiety as possible. Once school is over, those kind of events should really slow down, right? Hang in there.

    Reply

  2. toughwords
    May 24, 2011 @ 15:03:12

    Thank you :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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