Anger Management Plan for My Family

I talked to hubby the other night about how there is just too much yelling in this house.  I said we need an anger management plan.  His immediate response was “Well I’m not gonna go have someone tell me what I need to do.  I’m not going to counseling.”

I said “Believe it or not, there are people who know more than you. ”  I said it with a smile.  Ha.  Amazingly that statement did not cause a fight.

This is not new, we both have talked about this in the past and about how we don’t want to be yelling and feel bad about it every time we do.  Ugh.  Why is it SO hard to change these destructive behaviors!?!?!?

So I said we need to come up with our own plan then.  He said well if we need to learn something or be told something about how to raise our family, we should read the bible if anything.  I almost dropped dead.  First of all, this is the man who normally refuses to cooperate with any actual plan.  Second, this man has said sometime recently that he was not so sure he was saved and I think he thinks God stuff is just corny and fake.  He never reads his bible.  Ever.  Sorry to say.  Yes, our family prays at dinner and we say prayers with the kids at bedtime.  We read bible stories together etc.  But hubby has probably only ever prayed at dinner once or twice ever.  True.  He just doesn’t feel comfortable praying out loud.  But he does make sure the kids do it.  Wow – I could gab and gab about this – that’s a whole other post :)

So I said the book I was reading now tells us what the bible says about anger.  He laughed.  Of course it does, he said.

Book:  Home Improvement: Eight Tools for Effective Parenting

I read this book when my kids were younger.  It has some great ideas for disciplining your kids.  They have a new take on the classic “time-out” and it has been very helpful to me in the past.  I remembered it had a section on dealing with anger.  So I found it on the bookshelf and re-read some parts.  I am so glad I did.  I love the info they give on dealing with anger in your family.

Now, if I can just get hubby to read it….   He is the one with most of the anger.  Seriously.   And the book even talks about holding grudges etc.  I have written before about how he is the king of holding grudges!  I think if we can look at it as trying to get rid of anger in our FAMILY, then he won’t feel like I am pointing the finger at him and perhaps he will be all for this?  That would be awesome.

Hubby is always yelling about something…..   And I yell too much too :(    I am not proud.  And of course the kids have learned this behavior.  Some days just seem like one big blow up in this house.  We need to change this!

Problem:  Hubby isn’t a big reader.  He doesn’t sit still long enough to read much.  And if he does actually sit down, he is watching TV or falls asleep.  I don’t want this to be just another hopeful conversation that we have and then that’s the end of it.  But I also know him well enough by now to know that if I push him on it, he’ll shut down.  Grrr..   What to do?!?!

If I catch him in the right mood, I can show him the book and then leave it on his night stand.  Oh!  Wonder if they have this as an audiobook???  I just looked and found it on amazon for $20.  Hmm, I’ll have to ask him if he would prefer to listen to it instead of reading it.  He could listen to it in the car on his way to work.  See, he would hate that I am planning that for him.  I’m just making a suggestion!  I think it’s a great idea :)  lol

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Mom
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 18:32:44

    I’ve been lurking here for a while. This is my first comment on your blog though. I love that you share your life with us, lots of blogs are so fake! Yelling is something our family has struggled with too. It is easy to lose your temper when everything is crazy and hectic with kids. I am going to check out that book on amazon. Thank you for the tip.


  2. toughwords
    Jun 24, 2011 @ 14:13:05

    Your welcome. It has some great ideas! Thank you for your comment :)


  3. thisbrokenhearthashope
    Jun 24, 2011 @ 17:23:27

    My childhood was filled with yelling too. It seemed like my dad was a very angry person back then. But you know, now that I’m all grown up, I think it’s just because that was a stressful time of life. He was trying to put food on the table while dealing with 4 energetic kids in a pretty small house. It would stress anyone out. Now that everyone is grown, he’s actually just the opposite. Yelling doesn’t accomplish anything, and I hope you can find a way to improve it. Unfortunately, it’s often the way we deal with stress and anxiety.


  4. toughwords
    Jun 24, 2011 @ 21:13:33

    Hubby & I both come form yelling households too. I was scared to death of my dad. Our kids are not afraid of us I can tell you that. They are full of back-talk! We will keep working on it :) I’m just thrilled it is something that hubby and I actually agree on!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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