My daughter is crying in her bed.

My daughter is crying in her bed.

I am frustrated but feeling OK about the argument we had earlier.  It wasn’t even an argument really.  It was just a whole big disagreeable conversation.  I am feeling “OK” about it because I kept my cool pretty well and did not scream at her.  I’m sure I talked through my teeth a time or two.  But that’s pretty good considering I really just wanted to smack her.  lol

The band is going to an amusement park tomorrow.  The park is about 2.5 hours away.  She needs to be at the school by 7:30 am.  It was 10pm and she did not have her stuff ready for the next day.  We had a busy day today and I asked her several times earlier to do this.  I asked her to figure out what she was going to wear.  I told her to see if her band uniform was dry and get it all packed up.  I told her to read the note they sent home so she wouldn’t forget something.  I told her to figure out what she wanted to take for snacks on the bus tomorrow.  You get the idea.  She hadn’t done it.

We went to my niece’s sweet 16 birthday party tonight and got back late.  And we had promised the kids we’d make brown bears at the fire pit so we got that going as soon as we got home.  So that took more time.  And she still hadn’t done it.  Grrr.  So I said I guess you aren’t going since you didn’t bother to get ready.  She finally did it.

Then she and I sat at the kitchen table tonight – at 11pm and read over the letter together to be sure she got everything.  I gave her some money for meals at the park.  She of course argued that it wasn’t enough.  She wanted to play those stupid carnival games too.  I said take your own money for that.  She moaned about that for a while.  Then I asked her what she was gonna wear.  She showed me but then had a melt down because she really wanted to wear her jean shorts but could not find them.  After accusing her sister and I of losing them, and ranting about that for a while, she found them in her hamper in her room.   Every little thing we talked about turned into an argument.  So I said, whatever, I hope you have what you need and headed for bed.

Then I thought about her cell phone and reminded her to plug it in tonight so it would be fully charged for tomorrow.  (Her phone is always going dead cuz she forgets to charge it. And I wanted to be able to contact her tomorrow.) Oh my Gosh.  That turned into this huge argument!  Well, she was arguing wildly, I am proud to say I stayed pretty calm.  Her point was that you should not charge a phone unless it is almost dead because charging it when it doesn’t really need it shortens the battery life.  OK.  I hear ya.  And I told her that.  When did she charge it last?  2 days ago.  Even though the battery was still showing almost full, I still wanted her to plug it in!  She was going on a trip the next day and I wanted to be sure she had a fully charged phone.  I swear she followed me around arguing with me about this for a good ten minutes.  I warned her that she needed to stop and just plug it in.  I understood what she was saying.  But in this case, the most important thing is for her to have a working phone when she is on a trip several hours from home.

She’s 13.  She just had this horrible attitude.  Horrible.  So sassy.  Rolling her eyes and stomping her foot.  I would have laughed had I not felt like screaming!  The final straw was when she huffed “WHATEVER!” and plugged her phone in and just dropped it onto the floor.  When she does stuff like that and does not take care of her things, it drives me insane.  (She bought her phone and she will have to buy herself a new one when this one breaks. )

I said “We are done with this conversation. I am done with this trip.”  And I walked away.  She followed me asking me with attitude what that meant and telling me that I HAD to take her.  The trip was a required event and blah blah blah.  Now truly, I really just meant that I was not gonna talk to her about it anymore tonight.  But when she told me ever so sassily that I HAD to take her…. well!    I just went about my business, got ready for bed.  When we were saying good night she asked me with great concern if she was going tomorrow.  I said ” I don’t see any reason that I should let you go. ”  That was it.  That’s all I said.  And she has been crying in her bed ever since.  Ugh.

One – I did not say NO – YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO.  Because I have learned not to make big statements like that unless I am ready to back them up.  Not sure I could stick to that.

Two – Her sobs sure sounds like hormonal “I have no idea what’s wrong with me”  kind of crying.  I can relate to that and I have compassion.

Three – Wouldn’t it be great parenting if I stuck to my guns and really didn’t take her tomorrow?!?!?

Four – The band director would have a major hissy.  There is a even a section in the handbook about not grounding your kids from going to play at the Friday night football games, etc.  Band events are required.  None are ever optional.  If you do not attend, you better have a note from the Doctor.  Blah, blah, blah.

Five – I dunno.  It’s very late and I wish I was asleep hours ago.

Another icky tomorrow thing:  Kid2 has convinced me to have a yard sale with her at my sister’s house.  She has already priced and organized many of her things.  She is determined to make some money.  SO I am up way too late and have to get up way too early.  It will not be a fun morning.

I’m picturing a better tomorrow:

Kid1 doesn’t go on band trip.  I tell crazy band director lady that Kid1 is not feeling well.  (That would be true, she will be feeling very angry.)

I could just ask kid2 how much money she thinks she will make at the yard sale, give her that amount and drop off everything at the donation center. (Love this idea!  lol)  Doesn’t teach my daughter a good lesson about earning money or anything, but would get it done quickly.  I’d love to just let this one go.  Then we could go to Lowes and look at poles/columns for the porch.  Do a little tiny bit of shopping, enjoy some ice cream and come home.

Wonder how tomorrow will really play out though?  lol

Good night!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill Green
    Aug 14, 2011 @ 18:11:40

    Hoping *you’re* having a sane day today. I have no doubt your daughter woke up just fine. Teenage mood swings are the worst. My one girl can totally knock me off my rocker “I HATE YOU, %$# YOU, I’M GONNA SMOKE & DO DRUGS! etc, etc…” and literally tell me “Mom I love you” one hour later. Of course she does emulate and take after her Dad who is a rage-aholic and bipolar and refuses to get help.
    I have to save me and my sanity. That’s why I do everything in my power to combat anxiety in me. Sending you good and healing vibes…

    Reply

  2. toughwords
    Aug 14, 2011 @ 22:58:37

    Thanks Jill! The morning was better than expected. Wow about your daughter yelling those things! That would hurt :( Mine has screamed that she wishes she had never been born already. I think she expected sympathy from me or for me to give in to her demands. Didn’t work! Haven’t heard that one in a while.
    Thanks for sharing that about your hubby. It seems the more I read about panic/anxiety attacks, the more it seems that there is a connection between stress at home and those of us who suffer from it! Dare I say that may actually be a cause of panic attacks?!?!?

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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