He is grumpy cuz we are here now.

That’s what kid2 said.  The “we” means her, her brother, & her sister.  By ‘here’ she means because they were born.  Nice.  So very stinkin nice.

Kid2 is 11.

I am SO telling him she said that.  He needs to get this.  He needs to know it is not just me that feels dejected.  He needs to wise up – fast.

This was a conversation that kid2 and I had when we got back from camping.  Hubby was a total grump on that trip.  A complete bear.  We were sitting on the porch talking about the weekend.  The conversation turned to how grumpy daddy had been on the camping trip.  How daddy is always grumpy.

I told her he didn’t use to be grumpy all the time and I hoped he would find a way to be happier soon.  The kids know we are struggling, they are here – there is no way to NOT know this.  In her mind she had already figured it all out….

“He is grumpy cuz we are here now.”

I asked her what she meant.  She explained that the 3 of them take up so much of his time and they are always asking him to do things for them.  Things like fix their bike tires.  And they also cost him money.  They just spent a lot of his money for school stuff and now he doesn’t have as much for his tractors….

She said it all so matter-of-factly.  I felt ill.  Of course I exclaimed NO!  They are NOT the reason for his grumpiness. NO WAY am I letting her believe her dad is grumpy because she exists!   I told her he loves them like crazy.  I told her they are the BEST part of my life.  I told her he was sleep deprived and really needed to get more sleep.  I told her he was unhappy with me most of the time, not her!  I told her he was responsible for his own moods.  He has a choice to be happy & positive about life – or to live it as a grump.  And that decision had nothing to do with her.

I said many things.  I hope some of them got through to her.  What a horrible thought to have!

My daughter is so much like me.  She is empathetic to a fault.  I will continue to stress to her that she is only responsible for her own actions and feelings.   She should never feel responsible for someone else’s moods!  Been there, done that.  As my kids would say – EPIC FAIL.

Related posts:  He is grumpy cuz we are here now. (Update)

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 12:21:05

    I am so glad that you were able to nip that in the bud with kid 2. Thank goodness the two of you have a strong enough relationship that you can speak openly. Can you imagine if she didn’t have you to talk to and she carried those thoughts and feelings around with her and really believed that is why her dad was grumpy? It is so hard when kids are involved. I am so glad you are going to work to make sure she knows that she bears none of the responsibility for his actions.

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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