Let’s Hope Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I have no idea how I feel.  Big surprise huh?

We are at the beach.   I love the beach.  Hubby did not come.  That was the plan, I know.

Yes, I do believe having a week apart will be a good break for us.  Time apart has always done wonders for us.  Hubby is truly one of those “don’t know what you got until it’s gone” kinda guys.  I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder applies here too.

Not sure about this time though.  Seems like there are bigger stakes this time. It makes me nervous.

Yes – I was SO looking forward to getting away.  Getting TO vacation.  Getting TO the beach.  Getting TO laid back, fun family time.

Sorry to say I was looking forward to getting AWAY from him too.

So here it is only Sunday evening and I have gone back & forth so much between wishing he was here and being glad he’s not.

Am I just a complete nut case?  Do other people have these issues?

3 years ago (I think) my friend and I and our 5 kids went to Florida for a week without the husbands.  Had an AWESOME time!  Let me tell you – when I got home from that trip he treated me like a queen.  He had roses on the table waiting for me.  (Hmm….I don’t believe I’ve received flowers since then…) and he was just SO mushy lovey.  He missed me so much.   It lasted for a good while actually.  It was so wonderful.

There were a few other times before that too that hubby did not come on the annual beach vacation with my big family.  And just giving him that space helped us fall back in love each time – and appreciate each other so much more.

I was/am really hoping this trip has a similar effect. But I am also aware that I should not have any great expectations.  Expecting too much will just leave me disappointed.

Earlier today I was reminding myself that I am the one that is so unhappy with him.  I am the one that wanted this break so badly.  I am the one that tried to kick him out of the house and was wishing he would leave.

I was reminding myself of this because I was feeling sad.   Lonely.  Wishing he was here.

Then in the next hour I was being angry at him and glad he wasn’t here cuz he would be being a bear anyway.

And then I see my sister and her hubby sitting at the table playing cards together and laughing and having a grand old time… and I get both angry and sad at the same time.  Ugh.

Of course angry cuz I want that easy fun relationship with my hubby and can’t have it.  And sad for the very same reason.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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