Hitting The Wall

A few days after hubby had a major attitude adjustment and decided to be nice , we were talking about how difficult it is for us to communicate and how we just don’t get each other.  We are both so very frustrated with each other.

He said “We just need to be careful cuz I don’t want to hit that wall.”  After a bit more conversation I figured out that he meant that he didn’t want  to get to that point that he was “done” and ready to walk away.  Well.  I had already reached that point!

I said “I already hit that wall!”

What?  Really?  When?  This was a surprise to him.  And it hurt him.  I can still see the look on his face.  (How could this be a surprise to him?!?)

I said “When I asked you to move out on Dec 27th.  That was the day I hit the wall.  I was DONE.”

It’s like he blocked that day out of his mind.  Seriously.  So we discussed that day and how it all went down.  He of course remembered the day but not how serious it was or how significant.  I asked him how on earth he could “forget” that his wife said she didn’t want to be married anymore!  (See even now I have trouble with the D-word.)

He said he thinks he was just so angry and frustrated for so long that he tuned me out.  He remembers it but apparently didn’t accept any of it as reality.   You know how when you don’t want to accept something you can twist it and turn it and rationalize it until it works for you?  I guess that is what he did.

I told him that was one of the hardest days of my life.  I never wanted it to get to the point when I was saying those things to him.  But nothing I did made a difference.  It sucked!

So now he knows.  He knows how huge that day was and how intense all this really was for me.

He heard me.  He wasn’t mad about having to talk about this stuff again and again and he responded kindly. 

He HEARD me.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trish
    Oct 17, 2011 @ 21:00:12

    That is AWESOME!!!!

    Reply

  2. Rambling Man
    Oct 18, 2011 @ 11:35:59

    That is really great, it took a long time but it sounds like it finally sunk in and he may be getting it.

    Reply

  3. Zoe
    Oct 18, 2011 @ 23:10:14

    Yes, things have improved so much! Seems almost too good to be true. I really hope it sticks this time. I want to just be happy but find myself worrying that it won’t last. Only time will tell I guess. Thank you for your comments :)

    Reply

  4. IAAMM
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 20:59:22

    I think, at some point, we’ve all been where you are now. Internally, I blamed my husband for not being understanding, for not seeing things through my eyes, etc. But when I stopped to really listen to him, I had to look at myself and see the error of my ways. Things got better, although my husband still irritates me :). It is a slow and deliberate climb to marital bliss!

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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