I gave it to him. He read it.

Continued from: Beating a Dead Horse

I gave him the printout of  Crying on Christmas.  He didn’t read it right away.  It sat on his dresser for a few days.  The man is good at avoiding things.

Saturday night we were laying in bed having a whispered conversation.  The kids were in bed.  I finally asked him if he read it.
He said yes.
I waited.

He said “It was pretty bad, huh.”

I said “yea.”

He said “I had no idea – if I had known I never would’ve acted like that.  I know better.”
(Now I’m not sure I really get this – certainly he was aware of his own behavior. He is self-centered though and doesn’t seem to notice how his actions affect others….  maybe that’s what he meant?)

I said “That was the day I decided I didn’t want to be married anymore.”

He said “Yea, I’m sure.”

And that was the end of the conversation.  I would have loved to talk some more about it all.  Hubby’s not a talker though so I let it go.  He read it.  He knows how bad it was for me.  Hopefully he will remember it.  I think it made the point to him that I am not gonna just take it.  It WAS that bad for me.  I was done.  I think he never believed before that I would actually leave this marriage.  I think he realized I am stronger than he thought.  I think he will realize he doesn’t get to act like such a jerk if he wants to keep his wife.  That’s what I want.  Not a threat, not an ultimatum, just a fact.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rambling Man
    Nov 01, 2011 @ 07:47:13

    I feel your pain, my wife isn’t a talker, i am, and I have had many conversations with her where I am left wanting the conversation to continue. I wish you the best of luck, it is frustrating.

    Reply

  2. Laura
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 15:31:23

    I think it’s great that he was actuallyopen to reading it and that ultimately he did. It sounds like he actually paid attention and took it to heart. Wow! I see progress and I am so happy for you. I am glad you were able to share and get it off your chest. You may still need additional discussions in future, who knows, but it sounds like this was an amazing step. Good for you!!

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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