Co-Leaders

My mom and step-dad stopped over the other day.  They rarely do.  They brought kid3 a birthday present and hung out a while.  My step-dad is weird.  Ha.  He just is.  I am sorry to say it but he just isn’t very intelligent.  It drives me nuts to talk to him for very long.  AND he talks over my mother all the time.  She’ll be talking and telling a story and he just starts talking too.  Telling his own version of the story.  The thing is – my mom doesn’t stop talking so it gets uncomfortable quick because they are both talking to you, both looking at you and you don’t know who you should be looking at and listening to.  Usually I try to focus on my mom since she was talking first and he is the one that interrupts.  Anyway, not the point of this post really.

Later that night hubby and I were talking about how my mom is clearly in charge in their relationship.  I said well she has to be cuz he is an idiot.  My mom & dad divorced when I was in high school.  My dad was very over-bearing and definitely in charge.  I think she just went to the other extreme when she was looking for a new man.  Step-dad is a nice guy.  Just a little weird and annoying.   I often wonder though if she regrets marrying him.  Again, not the point of this post.

You know how in some relationships it is very clear who is the “leader”?  Well of course we all want to be the one in charge, but that doesn’t work.

In our family, hubby is clearly the leader.  He is a strong, independent, fearless guy.  Sometimes that is great.  Sometimes it is horrible.

I do believe the man should be the head of the household as the bible teaches.  I would have agreed with this completely a few years ago.  I’m over it now.  God did not say I have to be a doormat.  I also believe though that that only works and turns into a healthy relationship when the guy holds up his end of the bargain to respect his wife and love her as Christ loved the church.

Hubby is such a take charge kind of guy that if I don’t fight to be heard – I get lost.

Back to our conversation….  He was basically making fun of my step-dad for being hen-pecked.  I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went but at one point he said “I am the leader of this home.” I gave him a look.  He said “Well, of some things.”  He did go on to say that only applied to some things, not all things in our marriage/home/life.  He saved himself there let me tell you :)

I didn’t comment right away.  (Still trying hard to think before I blurt out my first gut reaction to things!)

I said “Yes, but I would love it if we were co-leaders and worked together more.”

He said “Co-leaders?”

I said “Co-leaders.”

And then he said something about having enough stuff to think about for the day, we needed to take a break.  lol  That cracked me up.  This was at the end of quite a long conversation so it was probably good to end it there before we got into an argument about who should be in charge of what.

Not that it matters whether he decides to agree with me about being co-leaders or not…. I am not giving over all the leadership of our family to him.  Been there, done that.  It sucked for all of us.  Sorry, but yea – he needs me to stand up to him and keep his ego in check.  My younger sister would be appalled right now.  My older sister would be cheering.  Ha.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jenera
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 14:54:58

    For us, the hubby is the overall leader in many things. When it comes to big decisions he will be the one to be the spokesperson, taking the flak if we take heat for it. But behind the scenes, we run things together. I have control over certain things with the house and kids, while he runs his business and our finances with a part of the kids too. It works for us and sometimes I have to bit my tongue but sometimes I let him have it just to keep him in check. It works for us.

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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