Kids, A Grump & Anxiety.

Brain Dump.


Hubby is not here this morning.  I feel free.  Sad.  True.  I like alone time.  I really am doing the same things I do every morning so I don’t know why it is such a big thing for  me.  But it is.  I love it.

Kid2 was in a mood this morning.  She is stubborn beyond reason.  I offered to drive them to school since she had to carry her saxophone today.  She spouted something about how they are always late when I take them – no thank you.  No, we have never once been late when I take them.  My kids have always wanted to get there after the first bell rings so they don’t have to stand outside with the big swarm of kids that then make a mad dash into the building.  We usually arrive just as that bell is ringing, or immediately after.  She has now decided that is late.  Who knew?  If she wanted to get there earlier, couldn’t she just have said that??  She was just in a mood.

Kid3 was then all upset when he heard that I had offered but she threw a fit so now they were riding the bus.  He hates the bus ride.  By the time this all came out we were already sitting at the bus stop.   Just get on the bus people!  My coffee is waiting!

Kid1 has been grounded since the report card with the D came home.  She has been studying a lot more and I thought doing better.  It was like a kick in the gut when I checked her grades this morning online and see that she got 9.5/25 on the last math quiz.  Yes.  9.5 right out of 25.  WTH?  I helped her study for that.  I thought she knew it.  The worst part is that she knew that, she had that test in her backpack and chose not to tell me.  That’s bad cuz she gets to re-take the test and we could have been studying!  She has to take it by tomorrow.  He then averages the grades of the 2 tests.  It sucks cuz even if she got 100% on the retake, she could still only get a 50%.  I guess looking at it that way, what’s the point?

I need to take some steps back from all this crap with Kid1’s grades.  Yea, I need to help her figure out what on earth the problem is this year. (Before this year she has always gotten A’s & B’s (maybe 1 c?) She had to work hard, but she was able to do it.  This year it just feels out of control.  As soon as you regroup and figure out what went wrong with one nasty grade, there is another one staring you in the face.  So, yea I need to help her and I will.  But I think I also need to realize that these are HER grades.  And not take it so personally when she fails something.  I do because I spend hours of my life almost everyday helping her / encouraging her / making her do her homework / asking her when stuff is due and trying to get her to remember to write things down and be organized.  It’s exhausting.

Like I said, I need to take a step back.  Even if she fails algebra, it is not the end of the world.  So she repeats it next year.  So that completely sucks.  It still isn’t the end of the world.  Right?  And now next week are parent teacher conferences.  Most of her teachers I just talked to via email but her math teacher would like me to come in and have a face to face chat.  LOL  Great.

I can’t stand her math teacher.  I don’t think he teaches.  This is his first year teaching algebra (He was previously a science teacher)and I really don’t think he has much of a plan.  He said at the beginning of the year that there would never be homework.  If they cover something in class and they feel like they need more practice, they should complete some problems from the book, the answers to the odd numbers are in the back of the book.  And if they still don’t understand it, they should google it.  Honest.  That is what he told them.  Seems like he is taking the easy way out to me.  If they still don’t understand it, wouldn’t you want your students to ask you questions?  It’s math for heaven sakes…homework is necessary.  And tell a class of 8th grade students that there is never any homework unless they CHOOSE to do it?  Yea, right.  All that means is that parents like me who DO care if their kid understands it become the math teachers/homework enforcers.  Ugh.

So this conference should be interesting for sure.  :D

I have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow.  I hate going to these appointments.  They have all those machines in dark rooms.  It makes me feel trapped.  You know – the one that blows air in your eyeball.  And the one that takes a pic inside your eye.  And then you sit in that chair with that contraption in front of you while he says #1 or #2? repeatedly until you find the right prescription.  I hate it.  But I need to go.  So I will go.  Yes, I will.

And hubby has been sleep deprived this week so he has been grumpy.  It is his own fault he is sleep deprived – that’s why it pisses me off.  And he will never never never admit that is why he is grumpy.

Yesterday Jill posted about having an anxiety filled day.  It’s like she was here with me!  (Hi Jill!) I was jumping out of my skin yesterday.  I really really really wanted to take an ativan.  But I didn’t.  I’m glad I didn’t but it was very hard!  I did deep breathing.  I lit my candle.  I took breaks from working on the computer and tried to distract myself.  I did finally feel better and relax some after Kid1 and I took a walk when she got home from school.  She’s back to hating me for making her walk by the way.  Yay.  But the exercise did help my nerves.  I should have gone for a walk sooner.

Guess I just needed to vent this morning.

Happy Happy Day.  I need to be done with this complaining crap and get on with it.  I have work deadlines looming over me and I need to focus!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:59:43

    So funny we sound like we are in the same space Zoe, I am sitting here with my lighted candle too (Christmas tree!) and I just did a brain dump about how I have been taking out my anger on my husband for years. Learning to be nicer…Trying…

    Keep breathing sister. Eye doctors, moody kids, stupid teachers, anxiety, and grumpy hubbies be dam#ed. Hugs and blessings..

    Hmm, blessing and dam#ing in the same sentence – probably not a good thing lol.


  2. Zoe
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 23:35:18

    lol “blessing and dam#ing in the same sentence….” Ha. Thanks for making me laugh today :)


  3. Trackback: Hostage in my own home « Mom in Reality

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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