My Meltdown

I haven’t been blogging much  but I still open up notepad on my computer and type away!

This is from Saturday.


Slumber party that wasn’t very fun cuz I didn’t plan activities for them like usual cuz I figured they’d think it was corny since they are older now and usually just love to gab and dance and things, birthday gift disappointment, last minute bday party tonight with the in-laws planned out of guilt, Christmas hanging over my head, too many pics to look thru to get prints made for the photo calendar we make for dad every year, piles of junk in my office and on my desk that I am ashamed of, PMS, hubby YELLING at me that I care too much what other people think.

I’m going to go take a nap. Life is always better after a nap.

I was very on edge.  I just wanted to cry pretty much all day.  And I did cry quite a bit.  What was wrong?  Nothing and everything all at the same time.  I did take a nap.  And I did take an ativan around suppertime.  At that point I was expecting more in-laws and my day was already horrible.  I was not in a party hosting kind of mood.

I have been working tons of hours.  I work in online marketing, and of course we just had the biggest shopping days of the year with Black Friday & Cyber Monday.  And did you notice many stores running ‘Before Black Friday’ sales.  And Cyber Monday seems to have turned into Cyber Week.  I am grateful for the work, the pay, the job.  I do love my job.  But I am on overload right now.  I was determined to not have to work on Thanksgiving Day – mainly because I had told my clients they needed to have their sales info to me early because I would not be working that day…  So I ended up working 13 hours on the day before.  I was up until 3am.  13 hours!  That’s a record for me.  And the kids were off school so that was in between me logging in and out and doing whatever with them, and making supper, and prepping food for Thursday, etc.  And I DID end up working Thanksgiving night anyway – how could I not?  Many many Black Friday sales begun in the wee hours so I had to be ready for that.  I think I have been in zombie mode ever since!

That began this cycle of stress & anxiety that I have been dealing with lately.  Lack of sleep will do that to me.  And I had several days of little sleep.

Add the pressures of holiday meals, family get-togethers, Christmas shopping, math homework marathons, doctor appointments, eye doctor appointment, flu shots, etc.

It adds up quickly!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Dec 06, 2011 @ 06:12:43

    sorry you had the meltdown :( This time of year is crazy. Try to take whatever moments of peace and calm you can get and just be grateful for them- in between your work, mommying, wifely, and running the house duties. It will all be over in a few weeks hon. x


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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