Panic Attacks: Sometimes I’m Normal Again

Sometimes I’m normal again.  It amazes me.  I can have a very hard time one week.  (Think Christmas Concert)  Then the next week I go out in the mad Christmas crowds and do some shopping – and it never even occurs to me that I usually freak out in those situations.  Or that I usually plan ahead when the best time would be to take ativan.

I went yesterday.  I was mostly done shopping.  I just needed 1 gift, several gift cards, and groceries.  On the way into the first store it hit me.  I had not taken ativan.  I was not prepared!  So then I had a choice.  Go back to my car, take ativan, wait for it to kick in and struggle through my day.  Or fake it till I make it and continue on.  I continued into the store.  And then didn’t worry about it the rest of the day.  On my way home I though about it again.  I felt like a normal person!

I stood in a very long line at the grocery store.  Oh my the panic attacks I have had in that store in the last few years!  I braved Walmart for that last gift.  I made it without any trouble and you KNOW that place was crazy.  I even went into a new store that I had never been in before.  That usually stresses me out.

2 days in a row I have gotten 7 hours of sleep at night.  That’s awesome for me.  I am in the terrible habit of staying up way too late.  I work and put in the hours I didn’t get in during the day, I watch TV, I eat ice cream.  NOT a good habit.  I’m willing to bet that had something to do with my shopping success.  Now I just need to keep it up.

EXCEPT that I have been thinking I should stay up late tonight after everyone is in bed and wrap gifts.  I have nothing wrapped yet!  It is all stashed in various locations throughout the house.  I used to spend every Christmas eve in the basement by myself wrapping gifts until way too late.  I refuse to do that anymore.  I didn’t have to do that last year and I loved it!  And the kids have a half day of school tomorrow and then they are on Christmas break, so getting it done before that would be great.

And Christmas is Sunday!  It came so quickly this year!

Oh – and guess what else?  I didn’t think I’d get to a basketball game until after the new year.  Nope.  They scheduled one for tonight.  HA.  It’s just a scrimmage and it is in the gym that has no bleachers.  I will be going to that tonight.  Hubby will definitely be sleeping because he didn’t come home from work this morning, he went to an auction with his Dad.   It will be a good way to ease me into it.  :)

Having a day like yesterday when I just felt normal – makes me want to fight harder so I can just BE NORMAL all the time.  I don’t want it to be a rare occurrence.  I want it to be my life.  Of course I mean normal as far as panic attacks are concerned.  Normal is a very loose term otherwise!

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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