A Rough Start

After a rough start to the weekend when I was convinced it was the beginning of the end…..  it turned around.  Completely.
(I’m not gonna share my post about that rough start cuz wow was I angry when I typed that out.  I think I’ll keep that one private :/ )

I was so hurt & angry at him, and I just KNEW he was gonna ruin it all….

Then I was wrapping stocking gifts in my bedroom on Saturday afternoon and the movie “Fireproof” came on.  Talk about a sign.  It was right at the part when the Dad is talking to his son about not giving up on his marriage.  Yes, the movie is a little hokey and preachy.  But the point is still valid.  And when I was on the treadmill Friday morning, Joyce Meyers came on and her whole sermon was about forgiveness.   She basically said that you shouldn’t grumble & complain if you are the one that always has to apologize first or take the first steps towards reconciliation, because that just means you are the more mature one.  That’s all.  It doesn’t mean that the other person doesn’t care as much.  It doesn’t mean they never would do it.  It just means that you are more mature.  She said skip the drama about refusing to do it and waiting for them to do it.  It just drags it out longer and then everyone is miserable longer.  She said don’t hold grudges!  I can relate to that :)  So I had already been spinning that around in my mind.

Then the more I thought about it – the more I wanted to go into Christmas Day with a clean slate.  I didn’t want leftover garbage to start the day off on the wrong foot.  I needed it to stand alone and be what it was going to be.  I guess I just really needed to know for sure that we were making progress.  Yes, a happy Christmas without his moody anger as a dark cloud over everything would really show me the status of our relationship!

So I took the first steps to make up with my hubby.  Should I have had to do that?  No.  But I did anyway.  And it was easy.  He explained his part, I explained mine.  We figured it out.  Still sucks that we have to constantly explain ourselves to each other.  But it is what it is.  And it was over and we sat on the couch together.  He watched the football game & I sorted through mail.  The whole mood in our house changed.  The kids noticed and I was glad I acted maturely and took the first step.  :)

Yes, Christmas day was a big relationship test.  I’m sorry but yes, that’s what I had turned it into.

Hubby knew how I felt about past Christmases.  And you know, Christmas is supposed to be such a joyous occasion that it has really pissed me off that so many of them lately have been ruined by his nastiness.  I remember how it used to be my favorite day.  It had become a day I dreaded.  It was time to put an end to that.  And we did.  Hopefully for good.

Related Posts: Crying on Christmas

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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