Sleeping in the Basement

Where to start?

Last night he slept on the couch in the basement cuz he was mad at me.  Why was he mad at me?  Because I protested when he tried to change the channel when Kid3 and I were in the middle of watching Phineas & Ferb. I said “We are watching that.”  That’s all.  He stomped away muttering something about how he cant’ even watch TV.  He watches more TV than I do so its not like I monopolize the TV or anything.  Plus we have 3 so whats the problem. Kid3 has had a fever all weekend and we were hanging out together on the recliner.  So hubby went to watch the TV in the basement. And he stayed there all night.  The kids and I made popcorn and watched another movie and had a nice peaceful evening.

Whatever, right?

This morning he left the house at 7am to go to an auction.  He got home around noon.  He hung out a while.  We did not speak to one another.  We sat on opposite ends of the couch.  I felt very awkward about the whole thing but I wasn’t gonna try talking to him first.  He was clearly still holding a grudge and I really didn’t want to get into it with him.  We did various stuff throughout the day – as a family – but never really looking at each other or talking.  Weird.

So I made supper and he sat with us but didn’t eat.  That is another thing he does.  I guess it is supposed to be a jab at me or something?  Really?  I don’t care if you don’t eat!   So then he & Kid1 took the dog for a walk.  When they got back, Kids2 & 3 were watching Transformers in the living room. (We watched a lot of TV today since Kid3 was sick and laying around.)  So we all sat together in the living room again, watching the movie.  When it was almost over, he said “Well we need to get up early tomorrow…” and he told the kids not to stay up too late and blah blah blah.

And he went to the basement.

After 10 minutes or so I couldn’t stand it and decided to go have it out with him.

Highlights:
He’d rather sleep down in the basement with no heat and lots of cobwebs than in bed with me.
He didn’t say that, I did.  You know, I was mad at him anyway for just being an angry jerk in general lately.  I am sick of being hurt by this man who has no consideration for anyone but himself.  So its not like I was ever so sad that he wasn’t going to be sharing a bed with me.  It was just the rejection again.  And the stupidity of the reason for his rejection.  It’s like he looks for ways to hurt me.  And yes, even though I was mad at him, it still hurt.

Why don’t you just go live in the farm house?! 
The old farm house on his parent’s ground has recently become available.  Ever since my niece moved out of it, I have been thinking it is the perfect solution and he could just move there!  Ha.  This was the first I mentioned it and he didn’t agree.  He thought that was a ridiculous idea.  He said “Why would I do that??”   I can think of a thousand reasons.

He became annoyed because I am “beating him up again”.  That’s what he said.  What that means is that once again I attempted to hash stuff out with him and actually talk about our marriage and what on earth we are gonna do about it.  According to him there is nothing to do about it.  I once again pointed out that he has a terrible temper and yells at me & the kids pretty much daily, that he flips out over stupid stuff, that he never says anything nice to me but is sure to let me know how he disagrees with the way I do just about everything.  I could go on & on, but really it is nothing new.

He says he loves me so there is no problem.  Wrong.  Actions speak louder than words.  His actions prove him to be a jerk.   And excuse me but if your wife does not feel loved, and keeps mentioning things like divorce, separation, and you moving out of the house – wouldn’t you say there IS a problem??

He takes no responsibility for this miserable marriage. I told him again how horrible it was for him to say what he said to me the other night.  Instead of him accepting any responsibility for his actions, he turned it around on me again.  I will perhaps write about that later.  Maybe.  It was very hurtful and I still don’t even want to think about it.

His anger scares me.  My babble on this got long so I made it a post of it’s own.

Oh – and I told him what I thought about him not wearing his wedding ring.  I told him all that I wrote about how if he could remember all those other things, he could surely remember his ring.  He said “Good point.”  That response surprised me.  Ha.

So how did we leave it?  Well, he got a little nicer.  There was no hug.  There was no kiss.  I wouldn’t say we made up.  I went back upstairs with the kids and he stayed there.  When I left I turned the light off on him and said “Good night.”

And he stayed there.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Judi
    Mar 05, 2012 @ 15:18:10

    Evidently you are married to my husbands secret twin. I am sorry.

    Reply

  2. rootstoblossom
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 19:22:15

    I can not believe the parallels here. I’m reading many of your posts and just can’t stop reading, it is so similar. We’ve also been together almost 18 years, he stopped wearing his ring about 2 years ago, so I did too. And the anger, the constant anger without a cause. But then the times when anger is gone, and we are happy, and confused and think we overreacted to previous anger. But then it returns. And explaining his actions to the kids. And feeling tense and a bit scared by the yelling. All of it. I’m following you now to see what else I can learn and see if we can understand these angry men we have.

    Reply

  3. Zoe
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 12:23:26

    HI rootstoblossom – I’ve read just a bit of your blog but can see the similarities also! I’m thrilled to find another wife who stuck it out with her grumpy man as long as I have – and is still trying to figure it out! It would be wonderful to be able to understand these men!

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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