Helping My Kids Understand Him

I am constantly explaining hubby to my kids.  His kids.  I hate that he put me in this position – where it is actually an ongoing conversation – why daddy does what he does…  Ugh.

I don’t want to continually bad mouth him – but it’s very hard to talk to them and answer their questions about him without doing that!

Kid3 asked me the other night why daddy was sleeping in the basement.   I didn’t answer right away.  I was trying to find the right words.  “Cuz your dad is an ass!” would not really be appropriate would it.  Instead I said “Cuz he’s stubborn.”  He just smiled and said “Yea, he is.”  And that was that.

Usually when they ask me why he won’t go somewhere or why he said or did something, my answer is “You’ll have to ask him.”  That works for some stuff.  But really, they are trying to figure him out just like I am.  I think it’s my job to help them figure it out and explain that he is crazy and unpredictable and no way is it their fault when he flips out and yells.  I explain this in a nice way of course.  Ha.

It seems like they are getting it.   They don’t seem to take it personally.  I still do unfortunately.  How could I not?  I have become the target of his grudges, silent treatments, and criticism.  He needs to hurry up and get over himself.  He is ruining his marriage.  He is ruining his relationship with his kids.  I don’t know what changed in him and what brought this on. I hate it though.  There are no drugs. There is no alcohol.  There is no other woman. (I feel confident about those statements believe it or not.)

What is it?  My guess would be that he is stressed about all his responsibilities and the constant demands on his time and attention.  Umm.  I’m right there with you dear hubby!  Again I want to say “Deal with it!”  The rest of us manage to deal with it without hating the world.

He is going to have so many regrets about this season of his life – there is no doubt about that.

I want my husband back – the one that I married 17 years ago.   I’m praying he is still in there somewhere.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 06:02:42

    Sometimes I think we’re married to the same guy. My husband is very much like you describe and there is no alcohol, drugs or other women. He cannot handle stress, and our lives are really stressful. Thank God he doesn’t suffer from anxiety like me or he’d be toast. He does suffer from depression and refuses to get help- too busy to go to the doctor and doesn’t want to take medication. not fun..


  2. Zoe
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 10:59:01

    My husband is the same with doctors. He has terrible back pain and refuses to even take the pain meds so I’m sure he wouldn’t even consider taking any kind of anti-depressants or mood stabilizers or anything else I have thought of that might help him :/ I told him he’s going to die of a heart attack because he gets all worked up about everything. All he said was “well I guess that is what is meant to be then.” It’s nice to have people like you who understand. Thanks :)


  3. Judi
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 11:19:16

    I think your husband needs meds!! But, i understand he won’t go. Typical male behavior. Sad he won’t help himself. (My husband was medicated a few years back, when his first wife left him, and it did him wonders.)

    I am new to your blog and have to ask….when did he start acting this way? Surely you have not been doing this for 17 years? I won’t make it that long!! LOL


  4. Zoe
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 18:53:42

    No, not for 17 years. I would officially be insane by now! Ha. He has always been moody. And our relationship was never really easy. But it was good. In the last few years it has gotten bad. He’s just like a terrible grump who hates the world. I guess this is the worse in ‘for better or worse’. I know what we had and it’s worth the work to get it back. But I think I’m running out of energy, not sure how much I have left in me. Kinda sucks.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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