Free To Stress Myself Out

I am free this morning.

Kids are off to school.  Hubby is at an auction.    He left work at 4am, came home, changed, picked up his dad at 5:30 am and off they went.  The auction is about 1 1/2 hours away.  Crazy if you ask me – but these are things that John Deere fanatics do :)

So I am home alone.  This is very rare.  I have not done anything differently than normal  – I started laundry, put another coat of poly on the table I am refinishing, cleaned up a little, and sat down here at the computer to get to work.  That’s not really different. (Except that I am blogging, not working :/)  What is different is the way I feel!  I just love that I can do whatever I want and no-one is gonna question me or criticize me.  It’s freeing!  Even though I am only doing laundry etc.  My hubby has something to say about everything!  I am constantly having to explain myself or defend a decision I made.  It is exhausting!

(Occasionally I go on strike and refuse to answer his questions or defend my choices.  I tell him I’m sick of explaining myself to him and then I refuse to.  Ha.  Perhaps it’s time for that again.  See what perspective some alone time can bring :)

Unfortunately this day is stressing me out for other reasons.  I am taking Kid3 to the dentist after school today – he has cavities that need to be taken care of.  I have been putting it off because they are in his baby teeth and I was hoping they would just fall out soon.  It hasn’t happened yet.  One is looking pretty icky and is not loose at all.  He has never had this done before and is very worried that it is going to hurt.  And we all know how I love the dentist.  I’m nervous for him. I’m also nervous that I will have panic attack from having to sit there and watch.  I don’t do good with stuff like that.

To add to that, I expect to get my period today, so my hormones are in overdrive.  Hormones greatly affect my anxiety!  My anxiety levels always skyrocket when I have PMS.

I also have a gazillion upcoming events swirling around in my head that I am already starting to stress about.  Teacher conferences are in 2 weeks I think.  The spring musical is coming up in May.  The kids have started practicing their songs and whining about having to go.  Hubby already told them they had to.  It seems like the school year is going to end quickly.  Everyone is talking about all the happenings, and planning all this stuff. Kid1 has the spring formal to attend.  The band concert is coming up.  The music teacher has mentioned that she may have the 6th graders play with the band too – which means that both Kid1 & Kid2 would be in it.  Kid2 asked me to help chaperone their field trip.  Not sure yet where they are going, but a charter bus in usually involved.  Talk about feeling trapped!  How can I say no??  When your kid wants you around, you take advantage of it!  :)  And the year end awards assemblies that I absolutely LOVE (sarcasm!)?  They are coming up too only this year will be bigger.  Kid2 is “graduating” from elementary school.  They have a 6th grade graduation assembly which is longer and involves a reception type thing in the cafeteria afterward.  (Our school system has elementary school from K-6 and the the high school is grades 7-12)

I know all these things are not happening today and I need to put them out of my mind.  I know that they will not be as bad as I anticipate.  They never are.  I also know that the dentist today will be ok.  It just will.

It’s been a good while since I’ve taken any ativan.  I couldn’t remember when so I looked at my Joes Goals Log and see that it was March 1st when I took Kid1 shopping to get her dress for the formal.  (That’s a whole other post!) Very cool that’s been that long.   I can’t remember the last time I took an ativan…. I like that sentence!  So I’m gonna remind myself that I’ve been doing good, that I know it’s just hormones that are kicking my butt today, I am not insane, and it will all be OK.  And I will definitley be taking an ativan this afternoon.

And that is OK.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill Green
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 12:33:01

    Good girl hon. Yes you are doing fine, and no you are definitely not insane. Spring is hard- so much school and kid related stuff. And we have to deal with pms ongoing, it just never ends when you’re a mom. Yesterday I needed to take an extra pill for my anxiety and I am not beating myself up over it. What good would that do?

    Deep breaths.. Keep reminding yourself how awesome you are!


  2. Zoe
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 22:11:41

    Thanks Jill :)


  3. snarkatussin
    Mar 24, 2012 @ 22:02:15

    End of year school-related things can be super stressful! They are always jamming so much in such a short period of time. (I can speak on the side of the teacher and the kids, who develop spring fever or something!)

    Deep breaths definitely help! So do nice, long walks! :) Hang in there!


  4. Zoe
    Mar 25, 2012 @ 11:27:56

    Hi snark! Are you blogging again? I need to hear some new date stories please!
    lol Thanks for the support. Christmas time and spring because of all these events are my hardest times. Ugh.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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