What is the Best Message?

How do I be the positive, loving, steadfast Mom that I need to be – in the midst of the chaos?

If I accomplish this I will consider myself successful as a mom.

By staying though, am I also saying that I accept his behavior?

Doesn’t that send a bad message to my kids?

Is that message better or worse than me leaving him and causing upheaval in their lives?

“If you choose the lesser of two evils, you are still choosing evil.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Judi
    May 02, 2012 @ 11:38:55

    THIS is a whole lot of post in just a few sentences!!
    and i totally understand this struggle.

    I have always said, that if my husband’s negative, depressiveness starts to effect my daughter I will leave. I can adjust but she should not have to. I don’t want her to think that it is OK to act like that. So far, he really only aims it at me, not her.

    In the end, only you can decide what is best for your kids.



  2. Trish
    May 02, 2012 @ 11:58:32

    That is the ultimate question! I think there are so many of us that struggle with this, so many of us that stay just so we don’t disrupt the family. I don’t know if it’s wrong or right, and I don’t know how one is to decide. Many times I think maybe it would help to talk to a therapist.


  3. Zoe
    May 02, 2012 @ 13:38:12

    Hi guys. I am a child of divorce and I swore I would never do that to my kids. But then again my childhood was miserable. Amazingly – it was even more miserable after the divorce. Or maybe I was just a miserable teenager by then. I don’t know. And that’s just it. I don’t know. Sigh.
    They love him like crazy and miss him when he is gone. (Wish I could say the same.) I THINK the pros still outweigh the cons at this point. I hate that it even has to be a question though.


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  5. Judi
    May 03, 2012 @ 09:07:51

    This post fills me with so much emotion.

    I so get it ….I am so there with you……it is such a hard question.

    And it makes me so sad. I don’t know you personally, but I have read every single blog entry you have made and IMO you seem like an amazing mom and wife and I just wish your husband treated you with the respect and kindness you deserve.

    I don’t think they realize what they do, what they put their wives through, the position they put their family in. The burden they lay on everyone around them by their actions or lack of action.

    All I can offer is sympathy and understanding and pray that we figure it out (eventually) and that everyone ends up satisfied / happy….OK.

    I don’t know if it was Erma Bombeck, Dear Abby or Heloise who used to say “would you be better off without him?” but…..that is kinda how I handle it. Until I can say with certainty I would be better off without him, I stay and make the best of it.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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