We Ditched the Musical

Yep!  Any of you that have known me for very long know that I am relieved!
(See: Last years musical)

Baseball.  Did I tell you how much I love baseball??

Kid3 had a game last night at 7:00.  It’s a 40 minute drive to the field.

The musical was at 6:30.  Nope that wouldn’t work.  :D

We let them choose which they wanted to do.  And yes I even offered to take Kid2 to the musical first and then we could go to the game late.  She was thrilled to get out of it.  It’s not cool anymore you know when you are 12.  Apparently it is “lame”.

Oh. my. gosh.  What a tough day though!  It rained on and off all day.  So we kept thinking that they would cancel the game.  If they cancelled the game, we’d go to the musical instead.  See what I mean?

It’s bad enough to dread it and anticipate it and try to prepare myself for those blasted bleachers – but then it was just an anxiety roller coaster all day for me!

Is it raining?
Is the game cancelled?
Oh, the sun is out!
Is it supposed to rain tonight?
Should I take an ativan?
Raining again.
Who is that text from?
Did they cancel the game?

Aaagghhhh

Ha.  Actually I kept that to myself  – it was just in my head.  I got a lot of work done yesterday – willing myself to stay focused to avoid the drama in my head.

We went to the game, it rained on the boys but they played through it.  Apparently there was a power outage in town last night and the lights went out at the school.  The musical continued with the emergency lights on in the gym.  They sang a cappella.  I don’t know if they still had the art show and book fair afterwards, not sure how they would unless they have great emergency lights in the grade school hallways.  I’m hoping they reschedule that actually.  I enjoy that.

I went all day without an ativan.  I had planned to take it around 5:00 – then I would be prepared for however the night turned out.  I got busy and forgot.  Right as we were leaving for the game I remembered I never took one.  I don’t usually need one for games anymore.  BUT of course there was road construction and a very long wait.  And a very long narrow roadway we had to maneuver through after we did finally get to go….

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

And I had a panic attack right there in the driver’s seat. 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Not good.  I felt dizzy.  Passing out scares me and I felt like I was going to.  You aren’t allowed to pass out when you are driving down the road with your kids in the car with you though now are you!?!?  So I fought through it.  I rolled down the windows, I fidgeted all around, I blasted the air conditioning in my face even though the kids were already cold from me opening the windows.  (I told them I hated the smell of the blacktop and this would help. )  LOL  I started talking fast like a crazy person – about all the construction workers and what they were doing.  See how big that roller is, doesn’t that blacktop smell terrible, see that dude sitting there eating his lunch, oh they’re going to paint lines soon, and blah blah blah.

I got through it.  I couldn’t go fast through the maze of traffic cones.  And there was no way out and it sucked.  But I got through it.  And then I felt like jello.  Panic attacks are exhausting!

The day was stressful cuz of not knowing what to expect.  The anticipation of the unknown.  And this is also my PMS time – so my anxiety levels are sky high anyway.  And ever since that last panic attack I have been on high alert I guess.  Add it all up and a panic attack was bound to get me.

I did take an ativan once we got to the ball field.  I knew we’d be in that same construction on the way home and I really didn’t want to go through all that again.  I’ll try it again another day.  The ride home was uneventful. Yay.

NOW…. today is track & field for Kid2 and Kid3.  Last year it rained so they moved it inside to the gym.  I took an ativan and went twice that day.  It’s not raining now but it looks like it might at any second.  I’m guessing they will move it inside again but I really hope not!  Aside from the fact that I hate sitting there in those bleachers, track & field is really a lot more fun outside!  Outside they run & jump the hurdles, they hit baseballs, they throw balls at bowling pins, the do the shot put, they jump over that stick and land on the big mat (what is that called?!?), they have relay races.  It is a LOT more fun.   Last year all they did was play dodgeball for 40 minutes.  Yes, we sat there and watched them pummel balls at each other for 40 minutes.  Great job gym teachers.  They couldn’t think of anyway to do actual track & field type activities in the gym?  I thought it was stupid.  Can you tell?

This morning I asked my kids if they’d mind if I didn’t come if it was in the gym again.  They both said they didn’t care.  I’m not sure my mommy guilt will let me stay home though, we’ll see.

Pray for sunshine :)

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Zoe
    May 10, 2012 @ 21:55:21

    Update: It didn’t rain. Track & Field was outside. Yay! :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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