Freakin Teacher Meeting Conquered

Actually I’m hesitant to say it was conquered because I did take ativan today and that was a key factor in this success.

You know what tho?  That’s still ok.  So, yes – the freakin teacher meeting was conquered.

There was a time when even WITH the ativan I’d been a quivering ball of jello.  I would have fretted about it for weeks in advance.  There’s a good chance I would have cancelled it altogether or at least faked sick and made hubby go.

So, yes.  CONQUERED.

It went well.  I am glad I changed the appointment time.  It was originally supposed to be at 10am yesterday.  It was at 4:30 today.  The school was practically deserted.  He left the office door open and had several fans blowing since it got hot today.

He was a little weird but I’ve never met a guidance counselor who wasn’t.  Seems to me his goal was to talk her out of any occupation she said she was interested in.  Ha.  Several times he said “Reality check.” and I wanted to scream “Live your dreams!”  Ha.  He was kinda a buzz kill.

But I sat there in his office relaxed.  A few times my mind started to go to the what-if kind of thinking and I quickly shut that down.  Not one hot flash.  That is awesome.  No dizziness.  Great.

I am thankful that I have ativan.  I wish I didn’t need it but at this point in my life I do.

I took 1/2 a pill this morning right after breakfast.  Then half at noon.  Then a whole one at 2:30 pm.    Yea, I hate that I took 2 in one day.  But to me it was worth it.  I need to build some confidence.  I need to get back my “I can do it!” attitude and I need to get that back quick.  The best way to do that is to have a few successes.

Band concert is next week.  Spring Carnival is next week and Kid3 has asked me to help.  The following week are the awards assemblies that really test me.  Add the 6th grade graduation event and yea, I have some fears to face the next 2 weeks.  I need to go in strong & confident.

I just called for a refill of ativan.  I will use that as a tool to get through these events.  I’m not going to feel bad about it.  I’m not going to worry about it.  I know that when school is out everything will calm down and I will be able to taper back off of ativan and go back to taking it just occasionally.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill Green
    May 18, 2012 @ 07:00:09

    Omg who cares? You gotta do what you need to do. Good girl! :) [[[hugs]]]


  2. Zoe
    May 21, 2012 @ 11:26:21

    Ha. I wish I didn’t care. The ultimate goal is to be normal and to get back to my life without medication!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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