Panic Attacks: Dreading Tomorrow

Yesterday I posted about working the concession booth and being all confident and not freaking out or having a panic attack.

Today – I feel like throwing up just thinking about what tomorrow brings.


Hubby’s workplace is having an open house.

He is so excited.  This is the first time ever that they have allowed family/public into the place.  It is a big production place and there are tons of safety issues.  It will be safe for the open house of course but what I mean is – it’s not like an office where a spouse or whoever could pop in and say hello.  So even though my hubby has worked with this company for 20-some years, I have never seen his workplace.  I have been in the parking lots many many times.  lol  (Occasionally there is a story on the news about the place so I guess I have actually seen the inside of the place that way.  )

Anyway – it will be crowded.  And it is a new unfamiliar place that I will likely feel trapped and I am dreading it so much.  He was telling me this morning how they have areas roped off for visitors etc.  All I could think of is that I will not be able to get the hell out of there if I need to!  There will be no bathroom close by that I can escape to.  And with all the security crap I will have to stay with the group and in designated areas….  Aaaagghhhh!

I want out of it in the worst way.

His mom & dad are coming too.  That just makes it more stressful.

And of course it’s the exact time of the month that my hormones go into overdrive.  Perfect timing.

He is so excited.  I am so not.

I don’t want to disappoint him.  I can’t just say I don’t want to go.  Truth be told he is more excited about his dad seeing the place than me.  That’s understandable – they are both welders and will think it is all so very cool.  Sure I’d like to see where my hubby goes every day, but …

My plan is to go to bed at a decent time so I get enough sleep.  I will get up early enough in the am to calmly start the day and I will take plenty of ativan and try not to puke/pass out.

Good plan right?????

The plan in the back of my mind though is that I will somehow have to take Kid1 to have her knee x-rayed at that time.  Wouldn’t that be a shame?  That’s important and needs to be done right?  But tomorrow is a holiday – 4th of July – so the xray place will probably be closed….    Or I could get sick.  I better start faking sick now though so it is convincing…..

Again, aaagggghhhhh!


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 14:39:02

    Ok you can do this, I know you can. You have to stop running away with scary thoughts. You can set a time limit for how long you go- make it 2 hours, heck, make it one hour. You can do ANYTHING for one hour. You do this all the time. It’s the same as the concession booth and the bleachers. Prepare beforehand. Stay in the moment, check your breathing, keep busy, and then go. Stay for the hour. You will be scared at first- that is natural. So be scared. Just stay. After one hour you can decide if you need to leave or not.

    See if this post helps you:

    I know it sounds easy on paper (is this paper?) I know it’s hard, I do it all the time.
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts Zoe and say a prayer.

    Let us know how it goes. x


  2. snarkatussin
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 16:55:04

    Good luck :)!


  3. Zoe
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 23:20:54

    Thanks guys :) Jill I cried when I first read your comment. I SO wanted you to tell me to be kind to myself and that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. :(
    Turns out I didn’t go but I’m going to let that go now and focus on the next challenge. Not sure what that is yet, but I’m sure there will be one…


  4. Jill
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 07:10:40

    It’s all good hon. You never have to force yourself to do anything your’e not ready for. It’s not a race.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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