He Gave me an Out and I Took It.

I got up yesterday morning at 6am and took an ativan, fully intending to go to the open house.  I was going to take another at 9am and be thoroughly medicated for the day.  Not the best solution, but it was indeed a solution.

The more hubby talked about it the more nauseous I felt.  And then I started shaking – worse than the normal Wellbutrin shakes.  My nerves were in a bunch which meant I had to keep running to the bathroom.  Hubby knew this was happening, assumed I was sick and asked me if I was ok – if I was sure I should go.  I said ” I don’t want to disappoint you.  I want to go.”  He said he wanted me to go but would not be disappointed.  He said he understood.

He gave me an out and I took it.

I didn’t go.

I hate typing that for the world to see.

I was too chicken.  I talked myself right out of it.

When they got home and told me all about it – I was VERY glad I didn’t go.  They were all hot & sweaty and complaining about how crowded it was.  Hubby said when they pulled into the parking lot they could see the line wrapped the whole way around the block.  He couldn’t believe it.  They had to wait in the line at least 40 minutes before they even got in.  (Hate those long crowd lines!)

Then it was crowded in the place and they didn’t even stay to see everything they wanted to cuz it was just was too hot to wait in more lines.  He said I would have hated how hot it was. (I hate to be hot.  Cue the heat flashes…)

He took his camera and was going to take pics but I guess got annoyed by it all and didn’t take any.  He was glad the kids saw where he goes everyday though.  Kid3 thought it was very cool but the girls were a bit bored.

Anyway – it is over and done with now. I do wish it hadn’t been an issue at all though.

I took the time to lay on the couch and veg out.   Yes,  I was dishonest and milked that “sickness” all day.  Yes I did.  I even stayed home from the 4th of July picnic at the in-laws and just watched from the porch as the neighborhood gathered to put off fireworks.   And I had an afternoon nap and caught up on my sleep.  Yep – call it a mental health day. I needed that!

I read this book yesterday actually.  The whole thing :)
This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness

I’m not proud that I lied.  But it is what it is at this point.  As I said, he gave me an out and I took it.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 07:08:49

    You know what? Be ok with it. You did what you had to do and that is loving to yourself.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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