Bleachers Anxiety: Getting My Crazy Out

It is past noon and I am still sitting in the recliner in the living room.  I’ve been here since I got the kids off to school.  I sat quietly for a while.  I had a power nap.  I listened to an anxiety hypnosis recording.  I took 1/2 an ativan.

I have been re-reading my old blog posts about anxiety and bleachers.

I worked a tiny bit – enough to answer client emails at least.

Tonight is Kid1’s first volleyball game in the high school gym.  The same gym where the school musical in held.  And the crowded basketball games that I like to avoid.

I hate sitting in those bleachers.  Hate it.  Yet here we go.  She has a game there tonight AND tomorrow night.

I started stressing out last night.  I stayed in a TV fog, trying to distract myself.

It is the worst time of the month for this to happen also of course.  Why does it always seem to work out this way??

I feel calmer now.  I took 1/2 an ativan this morning and am planning to take a whole ativan at 3:30.  That will get it in my system and working full force by the time we go at 5:00.

Kid1 is on the JV team and most likely will not even get to play tonight.  The coach says the JV team has to stay for the Varsity games too.  Ugh.  So that is a long night.  They play the best out of 5 games?  UGH!

And to add to that – the volleyball boosters do some kind of fund-raising event between games 2 & 3 of the varsity games.  They say they will need 8 or 9 parents to help.  No thank you.  I just want left alone to deal with this my own way tonight.  Going down on the court to participate in some kind of game is not in my plans!  I just hope enough other parents volunteer so that I’m not put on the spot.  I will help with that at some point in the future.  AFTER I get these bleachers figured out.

Hubby and Kids 2 & 3 are coming too.  I told hubby I wanted to sit near the bottom and off to the side near the door.  He just said something about how we’ll have to see how crowded it gets.  I don’t think he gets it.  I don’t talk to him about my anxiety a lot – so he may not get how very important that is to me.  Although he does know some about it.  Guess we’ll see how it goes.  Kid1 has to be there at 5, game doesn’t start until 6.  I think I’ll just stay in there when I take her at 5 and I’ll certainly get to choose the seats I want by being there that early.  Hubby can just bring other kids with him closer to 6 if he doesn’t want to be there that early.

My BFF will be there too.  We are thrilled that our kids are actually playing the same sport at the same time for once.  We’re looking forward to gab sessions during the games.  She is a person that likes to sit right in the middle of things tho so I’m not sure where she’ll sit.  If I get a seat first, perhaps she’ll sit near me.  If she picks a seat first and it is high up in those bleachers, I will not be sitting with her.

Yes, this is bringing out the crazy in me.  Most people think – hey we’re going to my kids volleyball game tonight.  That’ll be fun! – and that’s the end of it.  My mind works overtime and stresses me out!

Well now that I have thought this to death, tonight will hopefully be much better than I am anticipating.  It usually works out that way.

Maybe if I get all the crazy out now, it will be gone by 5:00!

I was stressing out earlier about going to the away games.  That just adds a whole new element to crowded bleachers.  Unfamiliar crowded bleachers are even worse!  But Kid1 has informed me that coach said she will hardly ever play in the actual games this year.  She told her to look at this as a learning year.  Which is good.  And what Kid1 needs.  So then Kid1 said it was OK if we didn’t come to all her away games.  Glad she said it cuz that was my plan anyway when I heard she wouldn’t be playing!  They have 2-3 games a week so that is a LOT of running around.

So to continue my very unproductive day, I am going to go take a shower.  Then I’ll have to dig something out of the freezer to feed my family for supper.   I’ll take ativan at 3:30.  I’ll help with homework, feed people, and get us out of the house by 4:50.  I can do this, yes I can.

Please just pray for me. Pray that it goes well tonight because we have to go back and do the same again tomorrow night!

THANK YOU LORD for this blog where I can vent my crazy and still keep it together for my family.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. judi
    Sep 04, 2012 @ 13:33:19

    my ears are VERY happy to listen to you vent your crazy!! (and you really aren’t crazy at all as best i can tell.) Hugs and good luck tonight.

    Reply

  2. Jill
    Sep 05, 2012 @ 11:41:03

    Thank YOU for sharing your trials and tribulations. I relate to so much that you write. I feel like we are kindred spirits. Your blog is a wonderful inspiration. xxxx Hugs

    Reply

  3. Zoe
    Sep 05, 2012 @ 22:14:19

    I love you guys ! Thank you :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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