Bleachers Anxiety: Too Much Ativan

We went.  We sweat.  We had fun.

I was SO tired when I drove Kid1 to the gym.  I took too much ativan.  :(

Monday evening I was stressing about this, so I zoned out watching re-runs of “Friends” on TV.  I stayed up too late even though I know better.  Then  I took an ativan so I could finally chill and get some sleep.  Then I took 1/2 an ativan this morning – around 10 I think.   Then I took the other half when I got out of the shower around 12:30.  Then I took a whole ativan at 3:30 to prepare for the evening.   That is a lot.  That is really sucky.

I wanted to be numb to it.  And I certainly was.  I couldn’t stop yawning at the game.  I’ll bet I could have fallen asleep right there in the bleachers if I let myself.

But it worked.  The bleachers weren’t a problem at all.  They even played the national anthem before the game.  As soon as I realized that was about to happen, I had flashbacks of my panic attack at the football game.  My stomach did a flip and I probably turned a weird shade of green.  I stood though and my knees did not give out.

We sat near the side doors of the gym at  Hubby’s request because it was so stinking hot in there.  Go hubby :)  It’d be nice to think that he remembered that I need to sit there, where it is cooler and has at least a little bit of a breeze coming in from outside.  (And where I could easily leave the gym if I wanted to.) I think he was just hot though.

My BFF, her mom, and her son sat with us.  We gabbed, we cheered, it was fun.

So I did it.  I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as I was expecting.  It never is.

And now we get to do it all over again tomorrow night.  Yippee.  I’ll dial back the ativan though.

Oh, and both JV & Varsity won their games.  They’re off to a great start!  Kid1 didn’t play, but didn’t mind either.

I am still so stinkin tired – I feel like I can’t see straight!  I’ll wait to publish this until tomorrow when my head is clearer.  Good night all!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Sep 05, 2012 @ 11:37:59

    Glad you had fun Zoe- back in the saddle, I mean bleachers, again! ;)


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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