I’m Hot, Hubby is Mad, and Marriage Counselors are Expensive.

This morning hubby was excitedly telling me about the furnace hook up.  He is thrilled how well it is working, he is proud.

We have heat in the basement now and we never did before.  I asked if that was tied in with the upstairs thermostat or if it had it’s own.

That started it.

He answered the question and then gave me this mean look and said “And you’re not gonna be queen of the thermostat anymore!  Where I grew up no one touched the thermostat and it worked fine.  We set it and then leave it alone!”

It wasn’t just what he said.  It was they way he turned on me and said it.  Like I was the enemy that he hated.

I said “Ouch.”  I thought that was a pretty good response because what I wanted to say was that he was a total ass.  He just turned this whole day into yuk.

I carefully said (And don’t you hate it that you have to be so careful how you phrase things – just in case it will piss him off?!?!  It always does anyway so I’m not sure why I bother!)  I carefully said  “So you are telling me that if I am hot – like really hot – I just have to deal with it?”  He said “Yes.  Or go back in your office, close the door and open your window!”  I said “So basically I am gonna be sweating like a pig in my own house and that it supposed to be ok with me?  I can’t be comfortable in my own house?!”

And that was the end of the conversation because he did what he does.  He stomped out – the conversation was over because I didn’t agree with everything he said.  Because I dared have my own opinion.  Because it wasn’t his way.

I am always hotter than him.  That is a fact.  We all know that.  I turn the heat down when I’m hot.  His problem is not that he is cold when I do that.  He is usually not even home, or he is sound asleep under a heating blanket.  He’s not cold.  And my kids are not cold.  And I wear short sleeves and tank tops even in the winter.   That works because they can be in normal winter time clothes, I can be in my tank top and everyone is happy.  Everyone is comfortable.  And sometimes I’m freezing too.  I’m very sorry but I can’t control that.  And if I’m the only one home – of course I’m gonna adjust the thermostat!  What sense would it make for me to sit there and sweat to death?!?!?

Why am I babbling about this here?  Because I can’t babble about it to him!  He won’t hear me.  He just gets mad when I try to talk to him about anything!

After that blow up this morning I googled marriage counselors in our area.  I decided I was gonna make an appointment and tell him I was going whether he came or not.  Well how do you find a decent counselor on the internet?  I have no idea.  Only 1 site actually listed their rates.  $75/hour.  Gulp.  We don’t have that kind of money.  To start going regularly, that would turn into a huge monthly bill!  And yes I know there are supposedly some churches that would counsel us for free.  We don’t go to church.  And I wouldn’t want people in our small little town knowing our business anyway.  I don’t know.  I feel very discouraged.

I went to talk to him a little while ago – not sure what I was going to say but not wanting to let it go… And he was in the middle of something – looking very intense.  I know trying to talk to him at a time like that would not work.  So I came back here.

I don’t know what the answer is.  I don’t know how to help him.  I’ve been waiting and waiting for him to come around.  Waiting for him to find his joy again.  It’s not there.

His older sister stopped my yesterday to say happy birthday and give him some chocolate covered pretzels.   He was in the basement working on the furnace – kid3 went to tell him she was here.  His sister asked my girls if he was grumpy on his birthday.  See – it’s not just me!  People naturally assume he is gonna be a jerk and a great big grump!  Kid3 came back up and said Daddy wasn’t gonna come up cuz he was soldering some wire right now.  She hung out and talked a while.  He came up later and TOLD HER THANK YOU.  She gave him a hug and went on her way.  SHE got a thank you.  Hmph.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. judi
    Oct 01, 2012 @ 13:15:50

    I have had therapist / councelors agree to a lower rate….but $50 is the lowest i have found. So it is really expensive even with insurance i paid $50 before. So like $200 per month. Not good.

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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