Volleyball games: Progress

Tonight is the last home volleyball game.  Woo hoo!  I’m breathing a HUGE sigh of relief!

I can almost say I did it.  I did it!  It has been hard.  I still don’t love those bleachers but I’m getting used to them.  Yay.

Last week was ‘Pink Night’ for breast cancer awareness.  I even sat at a little table in a stuffy corner of the lobby and sold t-shirts and collected donations.  That actually wasn’t too terrible.  My BFF and I volunteered together and we laughed a lot which certainly takes my mind off of my anxiety.

Tonight is senior night and while that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my kid, it is something different that is happening there in my beloved gym.  I am finally able to stand through the national anthem , which has been really really hard for me  – ever since this happened (for anyone who might wonder what my problem is!) Now there will be more announcements and little speeches etc and that will make me uncomfortable.  I know it makes no sense.  Don’t ever expect panic attacks to make sense.  They just don’t.

There is one more volleyball event after this actually.  At some point they will have the fall sports assembly.  That is held in the auditorium where we have the Christmas musicals etc.  It’s got me a little nervous even though I have no idea when it even is.  I just know it’s coming and it will be another day that I fret about – even though I will try hard not to!

When I was in school…. ha.  Doesn’t everyone love stories that start out like that? When I was in school, we had sports banquets.  Praise the Lord they don’t do that anymore!  That would be serious torture  – the panic monster would LOVE that!

The point of this post is that I don’t feel like I have actually conquered these volleyball games and the gym, but I have certainly made progress. So this doesn’t get to go on my ‘Conquered List‘ just yet.  That’s OK.  It’s really OK. Hopefully Kid1 will play again next year and I’ll get to work on it some more!

When I have some time I want to sift through my old posts and make an actual Conquered List!  That would be an awesome reminder that I can beat these stupid panic attacks and get my life back!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Oct 25, 2012 @ 13:22:13

    You are doing amazing Zoe, you keep showing the anxiety monster who’s in charge girl! ;)


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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