The Panic Monster is Hiding Under The Bleachers

There was a special afternoon football game for area veterans on Saturday.  The high school band was playing at half time so my girls had to be there.  I was going to just drop the girls off and pick them up when they were done.  Hubby decided we should all go and stick around for the game.

Well he decided this about half an hour before we had to be there!   Yikes.  No time for ativan!  I was feeling pretty normal and I’ve been doing decent at the games.  I had no intention of sitting in the bleachers anyway so ativan wasn’t really necessary right?  Right.

Well.  There was not a very big turn out for this game.  At all.  So it was just silly of us to stand next to the bleachers instead of sitting in them.  There was tons of room.  So after the TV cameras left – which hubby was trying to avoid – we decided to sit in the bleachers.

He asked me if I wanted to.  (So very sweet for him to ask first! )  I said ok and told him exactly where I wanted to sit.  He said “We will follow you.”

So we sat in the bleachers.  It was a little weird but OK.  I kept looking around – trying to imagine it being crowded.  Imagining if I was sitting over there and the bleachers were full and it was a Friday night football game, and the announcer was loud, and… you get the idea.  I played this game with myself trying to imagine all sorts of scenarios.  I just couldn’t imagine me sitting in the middle of one of the crowded benches, so I focused on a scenario where I was at the end or maybe 1 seat in from the end.  Ha.  I think it was good practice.  Or therapy.  Or whatever you want to call it.

These afternoon games, when the sun is shining and it isn’t very crowded, are so much easier for me!

I sat in the BLEACHERs at a football game!

So I took another step this weekend – toward beating the panic monster that hides under the bleachers, waiting to get me.

Wonder why this is such a big deal?
Here is the story of my panic attack in the bleachers.

I googled ‘creepy bleachers’ and look what I found.  :)

Colorful Bleachers

Colorful Bleachers by Andy S. Foster
Abandoned amusement park. Chippewa Lake Park


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Nov 12, 2012 @ 06:02:27

    Great job Zoe- what you did was classic exposure therapy. Very good! :D


  2. Michelle
    Nov 12, 2012 @ 10:36:26

    Anxiety has to be my biggest issue lately. I get really frustrated when I have to go places unprepared.


  3. Zoe
    Nov 14, 2012 @ 22:10:29

    Thanks Jill :)
    Michelle – yes that is the WORST!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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